I've posted on and off in these types of threads over the past few years and have put together several stints of weeks at a time, always reverting back to previous behavior. It's been inspiring to read this threads updates and like when I see it bumped onto the first page. The morning guilt is very real and you would think that it would be enough to get me to stop but there I am each night with wine.
I've posted on and off in these types of threads over the past few years and have put together several stints of weeks at a time, always reverting back to previous behavior. It's been inspiring to read this threads updates and like when I see it bumped onto the first page. The morning guilt is very real and you would think that it would be enough to get me to stop but there I am each night with wine.
I have been there before myself, many times. I even had a very long streak a couple of years ago before thinking, "Oh. I hit my goal so I can start back up again now."
The difference this time is that I MADE A DECISION. Not "I want to stop" or "I need to stop" or "Life will be better if I stop" but ... "I am stopping. I don't drink anymore."
Got drunk last night. Hadn't done that in months. Did it because my wife rejected my intimacy initiations for the third night in a row.
Couldn't handle the hit to my confidence. Drinking helped me forget about it.
Is this a legitimate reason to get drunk or do I have a drinking problem?
Only you can answer this question but if you are posting in a drinking thread you probably already know the answer. I sympathize with your situation, I suspect a lot of us here are in similar spot of spousal neglect, which is a very real thing in marriages. There is a post nuptial shutoff thread floating around these boards somewhere....
I've posted on and off in these types of threads over the past few years and have put together several stints of weeks at a time, always reverting back to previous behavior. It's been inspiring to read this threads updates and like when I see it bumped onto the first page. The morning guilt is very real and you would think that it would be enough to get me to stop but there I am each night with wine.
I have been there before myself, many times. I even had a very long streak a couple of years ago before thinking, "Oh. I hit my goal so I can start back up again now."
The difference this time is that I MADE A DECISION. Not "I want to stop" or "I need to stop" or "Life will be better if I stop" but ... "I am stopping. I don't drink anymore."
Both of these posts had me thinking about one aspect of sobriety that I've come to appreciate more than I expected when I look back at the last 16 months. That is, my day to day isn't consumed by the thoughts around alcohol nearly to the same degree. Meaning, if I drank the night before, obviously I don't have the all consuming thoughts of guilt and regret. Or worries about health, family, career, we all know the list.
But the other aspect of that now is I don't think about the fact that I'm sober ever day either, which is just as impactful. I have the time and space to let my brain focus on other things, family, for me and a lot of you, running, or whatever is interesting in the moment. Instead of that constant overarching theme that was part of nearly every decision I would make throughout the day. Again, we all know what that looks like when we're drinking, taking steps to just getting sober that day for work, when and where I'm going to resupply, how and when I'll drink next. Not to mention who will and won't know I'm drinking, how will I get rid of the empties (that was a daily thing for me) and so on. Getting and staying drunk becomes more than a fulltime job. And then when you get sober, it's how am I going to stay sober today? What incredibly frustrating feeling of regret will I face now that I'm dealing with all my stupid past decisions? Will I mess this up yet again? Instead of that fulltime job being an alcoholic, it shifts to being on the clock 24/7 staying sober.
At some point, probably in the last 3-4 months, all that started to fade a bit, and ALL the thoughts around alcohol no longer was top of mind, day in and day out. Are they completely gone? Of course not! I'm posting on this thread! But without a doubt alcohol, and sobriety, are not longer the FIRST thing that I identify with. And that's been awesome.
I turn 46 today. There will always be part of me that will appreciate I see another birthday because of my sobriety. But that won't be the point today. Instead, it'll be about what things my kids think I should be happy about because they believe birthdays are a huge deal. And the meal my wife makes me that I'll definitely have to say tastes amazing. In other words, the beautiful banality of another middle aged birthday. Without a single mention of my sobriety. Just how I want it.
For those who are experiencing spousal neglect, do you discuss your struggles with drinking with her?
I’m a woman but when I tried to discuss my drinking with my (former) spouse he was not particularly supportive. I asked if we could have less alcohol around the house and he said he said no because he wanted to be able to drink whenever he wanted. I think he just didn’t understand. He also mentioned he liked how he got laid more when I was drinking.
Its simple just stop. No fancy plan or group to join just stop. Pretty simple actually. Last drink Dec 1998
It is not so easy for everyone. I stopped using meth and cigarettes and heroin just as you described. I just stopped. I have found alcohol much more challenging. All people are different, and some are arrogant pric4s.
Day 33 for me today.I've been attending AA meetings for the first time, and they are useful. I have no spirituality or any notion of a "higher power" to appeal to, so I'm just going because it seems worth a try. We shall see. The whole God thing seems pretty integral to AA, and unfortunately that leaves me cold, so I just won't drink today.