I don’t think “do not drink anymore” is sufficient or necessary. I don’t see how you could in today’s world consider it okay to use the n-word in the workplace or for that matter pretty much any place. I don’t see alcohol as a valid excuse as alcohol only reduces inhibition for what you think deep within is acceptable. It’s irrelevant whether you think societal mores around that word are justified or not. It’s like glorifying Hitler or pedophilia for a white person to use that word; the social contract is that such people are fools at best if not racist or worse.
”Asian bi*ch” is not a big deal but not at all acceptable around work colleagues. Even outside work, it’s low-life lingo. Respectable adults just don’t talk like that. So you have some growing up to do.
I'm not trying to make excuses, but the context of who I said it to (two 35 year old white colleague in basically private) and how I said it (playful, like yo yooo what's up... plus with the "a" and not hard r) -- clearly my intent was not maliciously directed at a person.
And probably part of the reason I thought it was silly or something, was that millions of people are essentially ok to say that word to anybody in public just based off how they look. And other people can't say it. So that to me is always peculiar and maybe in my stupor i thought that was funny.
I think I was completely wrong, but that's possibly what happened.
The person who used this as a weapon to hurt you is the problem. From previous interactions I believe you live in a state and a city where fighting the injustice of your situation is a tough battle. Personally I would fight back, with facts as you have elucidated.
I don't think fighting is the best thing. Only if the facts they collected have become distorted from the truth. Otherwise it will look like I didn't learn a lesson, could repeat it, and having that baggage will make either HR or moreso my managing chain throw me out quick.
I want to make sure the facts are correct (hopefully they interview me) and take full responsibility, show that I have talked and apologized to all involved (I have), and say that I will never repeat it again by simply not drinking. All the while I'll keep working hard at my project to show my management that I can keep things straight.
As I said earlier in this discussion, I would never use that language no matter how drunk I was. Then I posed that the MD and company set up an environment that something like the Swaglord369 event was likely. I used a personal event as an example. Furthermore, I interjected what really is racism in behavior. Is it a word? Is it depriving opportunity even if that person is white?
That's what I said, the story that you're clearly still very bitter and angry about was definitely, categorically not about you.
Bitter and angry? How is it possible for you to come to that conclusion?
I don't think fighting is the best thing. Only if the facts they collected have become distorted from the truth. Otherwise it will look like I didn't learn a lesson, could repeat it, and having that baggage will make either HR or moreso my managing chain throw me out quick.
I want to make sure the facts are correct (hopefully they interview me) and take full responsibility, show that I have talked and apologized to all involved (I have), and say that I will never repeat it again by simply not drinking. All the while I'll keep working hard at my project to show my management that I can keep things straight.
Again, you're trying to shift the blame to your drinking, not your thinking.
As I said, you should never say those things at home, even in front of your Shiba Inu. It's not cool.
An event was hosted by another consulting company from 5:30-7:30.
They were basically feeding us free drinks.
I stayed until almost midnight and an MD was there. Drank way too much.
To 1-2 guys on the side a bit before, I said "yo yo ni****a" jokingly once or twice and "that asian b***" when referring about a girl who was no longer there who kept getting us drinks. None of this was pointed at anybody, and they were white. But they were like "what are you saying..."
Then at the end, the one guy cuts me off in front of the MD saying i should go home because i'm drunk. And i respond super loud and tell him to stfu and let me give my opinion.
So now they opened up something with HR.
How screwed am I? I've apologized to all involved, and i'm fairly important for my team but not indispensible obv. Worked at the company for 6 years.
Basically never drinking again.
If you are saying these things when uninhibited, it seems like drinking was not your only problem.
my problem is that you still think that because you said the word to a white guy its not discriminatory.
it is.
its insulting to the white guy and its systemic racism. the fact you think racism only applies when you say it to the person or group involved seriously worries me. also noone else has called you out on it on this thread, which says a lot about endemic racism in the us.