Male Coaches: Never have one-on-one private interactions with female athletes

I've coached for 15 years as I mentioned. I have no concerns. It may not work like this everywhere but most places it does. In my area in Wisconsin I can't even think of any of the coaches I know who are not somewhat similar. You guys are mainly the confused minority. Every coach I know texts their athletes. As I have said numerous times I do avoid being 1 on 1 in any private settings, but will occasionally run 1 on 1, which is out in public.

Your example is a bad one because it make it seem like there is some level of control that I'm giving up, but my chances of getting hit by a drunk driver are much much higher than anything bad happening with my coaching. It's impossible to happen for these reasons:

1. I don't do anything bad(FULL STOP THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS)

But for you worry warts out there...

2. Don't ever delete my texts so have back up of everything I have ever said.

3. When run with girls it is out in the open in public.

4. If anyone were to acuse me(which has never happened nor have I ever felt like there was any chance), there would be no evidence, other girls and guys on the team would back me up as would other parents, teachers and administrators.

It's pretty misogynistic of all of you to assume that groups of girls are just littered with crazies ready to make up stuff. But I guess that's what you get here. I feel bad if you guys are actually coaching females. You're probably coaches that tell them they get worse after freshman year too.

I'm done now however, you guys have proven you can't figure out reality. My advice to anyone wanting to get into coaching, please do so, care about your athletes, work hard for them, be smart about the situations you put yourself in but don't go over the top with it. Having a strong relationship and helping an athlete get to their goal is a super rewarding experience and then when that turns into a lifetime of running it's even better. The best is when stay in touch and let you know how things are going, that shows you truly have made a lasting impact. Finally texting is a form of communication the same as email, speaking, phone calls, etc... Do not let these guys trick you into believing it's some scandalous form for salacious activity. It also happens to be how High Schoolers communicate, so if you want to actually be able to connect and Coach your athletes, text them appropriately. Not a ton, not at all hours of the night, but some texts asking how a run went or how they are feeling is 100% completely OK.

The Levchenko crease wrote:

Or just not act like a creep. I guess it's IncelHour on Letsrun.

It's pretty much ALWAYS incel hour on Letsrun.

NightNinja13 wrote:

dpcldprke0fk wrote:

Having a strong relationship with your athletes does not guarantee anything when meeting with a female one on one! At their age anything can be said and they can turn on you for whatever reason. First hand experience.

The contempt people have for women on this site never fails to astonish me.

Same. It's staggering.

I won't even give the babysitter a ride home alone. One of daughters always present.

GoldenMile wrote:

The Levchenko crease wrote:

Or just not act like a creep. I guess it's IncelHour on Letsrun.

It's pretty much ALWAYS incel hour on Letsrun.

Okay, I LOLed.

otter wrote:

I don't have to give kids a ride and I'm calling bs to any coach that claims they have to do this.

My coach would give me rides home during cross country but we live across streets from each other. He also gave others rides, but it's only been other dudes from what I've seen.

1ub2run wrote:

I won't even give the babysitter a ride home alone. One of daughters always present.

Teenagers often go through extreme ups and downs in the course of an hour, let alone a season or high school career, and parents of teens know that they may all of a sudden have a tantrum for no clear reason and say they wish they were dead or you were dead. They very often misrepresent or wildly exaggerate things you or others say. For instance, any negative valence is exaggerated into an extreme claim. They may even not like doing the sport and are looking for any excuse to get out of it, criticizing a coach, a teacher, or whomever. They often don't know how to talk to people or show respect to teachers or coaches. Some of them do consciously manipulate people regularly. So, as a coach, you really do need to institute systematic procedures for reducing the kinds of problems that may result even if you are scrupulously fair, even-tempered, hands off, and so forth. As a prof, I always have the door open when students visit and tell them no if they want to close it. I always make my emails professional and I do not text with students or the kids I was coaching pre-COVID at my kids' school (some annoying kid got my # via my daughter and I had no idea how to block someone from texting you).

Bullet the Blue Sky wrote:

Every guy? Really? Nobody I know has ever mentioned false accusations against them. If every guy that you know has had this happen, you might want to consider who you spend your time with.

More common than people realize wrote:

You have no idea what you're talking about. I am a man and had false allegations made against me by a woman by the time I was 26. My best friend had false allegations made against him by the age of 30. Literally every guy I know has had it either happen to him or happen to someone he knows well. My dad has been in upper management in his field for nearly 40 years, and allegations, often false, are a regular thing he deals with. I am only 32 and have been told stories of 4 different women now ...

+1

Indoor? wrote:

For those of you who may think I'm trolling, I most certainly am not. You guys are all way over the top. It's pretty simple don't be a predator, don't put yourself in a situation where a crazy could say you did something. That's it, all you got to do. Rest of it is coaching as you see fit and what works for your athletes.

I've coached for 15 years, never once have I even considered letting "nature overcome social norms" as you put it.

If you've been coaching for 15 years, you should be certified. And if you're certified, you're under SafeSport. If you're under SafeSport, you cannot behave the way you have been.

This isn't a question of just being a good person or having good judgment. There are rules in place for a very good reason. We know that abuse happens when adults get private access to kids, so we don't give adults that kind of access anymore. This isn't 1980 or even 2000. The reason I don't text minor athletes isn't because I'm worries that I'm going to start hitting on them. It's because if I can text minor athletes, then other coaches can too, and some of those coaches will use that as an opportunity to take advantage.

I'm USATF Level 2 Certified and taken all required courses through my state.

Texting isn't access. It's how people communicate in 2020.

Technology is your friend. Install a camera and hold onto all recordings.

I know of three former NCAA Division I coaches that had false allegations made against them. It happens all the time.

Indoor? wrote:

I'm USATF Level 2 Certified and taken all required courses through my state.

Texting isn't access. It's how people communicate in 2020.

Page 23 of the USATF SafeSport Handbook: "Absent emergency circumstances, any email, electronic text, social media, or similar communication from an Applicable Adult to a minor athlete will copy or include the athlete's legal parents or guardians, or another Applicable Adult."

Boundaries dude!

The way you initially described it, you said you regularly run alone with high school girls, and that involves picking them up and dropping them off

Now you changed it to once in a blue moon, when you organize a group run and only one person shows up you will run with them in public

There's a big difference between texting, picking up, running alone, with high school girls as a regular practice verse once in a blue moon

Just ask yourself when else would it be appropriate in society for grown men to be hanging out alone with a high school girl, picking up dropping off, texting and doing an activity with them alone

And it's a big difference between actively organizing a run date verse a once in a blue moon random occurrence

Bottom line is it's just not the way Society is comfortable to have those kinds of relationships

You view yourself as the exception, but guaranteed school officials wouldn't be comfortable if you're actively seeking out those sorts of relationships

You initially said that if no one else is on their level , then you would be completely comfortable with being a young girl's regular run date

Anyway it's just a numbers game that if enough of those things happen bad stuff is going to happen, that's why we encourage coaches and teachers and adults to have boundaries with kids and to encourage them to hang out with other kids their own age and not with adults

Indoor? You stated you " feel bad if you guys are actually coaching female athletes."

A male student can also accuse a coach. Our point is just don't be alone, talk in the open, limit texts, phone calls. I coached for over 30 years and had the trust of all the parents. I was never accused but know a handful who were. Too many left themselves open to accusations. Were just trying to warn others of the risks.

Dude, to clarify:

1. I never said I gave rides when running 1 on 1. Rides are only occasionally given when parents don't show up to pick athletes up after meets or practices.

2. 1 on 1 runs most often take place at practice and are not a set thing, We start together as a team and as things split up based on speed sometimes I'll run with an individual or sometimes groups of 2-3 that form. As all good coaches do you try to work your way around and make sure you touch base with all of your athletes each practice.

3. There are certainly times where an athlete will text and need someone to run with because their parents don't want them running alone and they can't find anyone else or other aren't fast enough. They either drive themselves to these or their parents drop them off or parents walk around. I really think alot of you don't know what it is like to live in a small community.

4. For example today one of my former athletes who now runs in college asked if they could be let into the school weight room, so I met them to let them in. While there our girls BBall coach(a male) was also working with one of his team members, her parents were walking inside the school while they lifted. All of this is ok and safe.

coach wrote:

Indoor? You stated you " feel bad if you guys are actually coaching female athletes."

A male student can also accuse a coach. Our point is just don't be alone, talk in the open, limit texts, phone calls. I coached for over 30 years and had the trust of all the parents. I was never accused but know a handful who were. Too many left themselves open to accusations. Were just trying to warn others of the risks.

Ok, let me rephase then, I feel bad if you guys are actually coaching athletes.

If you are trying to warn others you should warn them of reality, not of your hyper freak out paranoid world.

Once again and truly for the final time this time. Don't be a creep. That's it. Plus texting is a form of communication and is completely OK to use in 2020 to communicate to people of all ages.

Indoor? wrote:

800 dude wrote:

If you've been coaching for 15 years, you should be certified. And if you're certified, you're under SafeSport. If you're under SafeSport, you cannot behave the way you have been.

This isn't a question of just being a good person or having good judgment. There are rules in place for a very good reason. We know that abuse happens when adults get private access to kids, so we don't give adults that kind of access anymore. This isn't 1980 or even 2000. The reason I don't text minor athletes isn't because I'm worries that I'm going to start hitting on them. It's because if I can text minor athletes, then other coaches can too, and some of those coaches will use that as an opportunity to take advantage.

I'm USATF Level 2 Certified and taken all required courses through my state.

Texting isn't access. It's how people communicate in 2020.

Level 2 does not address these issues. If you want to be on the USATF coaches registry you have to take Safesport.

Texting is not your only issue. You said you give your female athletes rides home.

What is troubling is that you are actively displaying creepy behavior whether not it is innocent and do not recognize this.