protecting daughter from coaches prior to the state meet

^Yep, there are plenty of insecure coaches like this these days. Of course there is an epidemic of helicopter parenting with this generation, no argument there, but it would be unfair to say that's the only problem. So many in the coaching ranks these days are in it for self glory and have forgotten that the sport exists for the kids they coach and not them. Parents are not blind to this. Not to say there aren't plenty of mature coaches out there, those also tend to have the consistent team success over many years. I have no doubt the OP's kid is treated differently because of her parents' back round. I have seen it firsthand as a former athlete, coach and now parent of athletes. The kid does not owe it to the coach to act like she likes him, her responsibility is to do the work and perform to the best of her ability.

5 pages thats a 10/10

ha ha.. just you wait.. I have a mother load of responses ready to go, but I keep getting this error message if I type more than a few sentences that asks me to send a code to letsrun@letsrun (which I've done). Whenever that get's fixed, this is going to easily fill up another couple of pages.

I appreciate the score, but this crap is real. If I were you, though, I'm sure I'd think this was trolling, too.

^^ this

There has been NO abuse described so far. Only attention that the athlete wants not being given. Stop being such helicopters and thinking your daughter is so special.

Honestly, if your daughter is really being sexually abused by these coaches, you're a terrible parent for coming on here to ask if you should do something about it.

I think yes, you should. I at least wouldn't send the three of them on a hotel weekend where she's going to run a race for about 20 mins and the three of them spend the rest of the weekend at the hotel.

That said, I am from a country where the age of consent is 16 so if she's above 16 and she started it, I would say she is to blame too.

righter of wrongs wrote:

Honestly, if your daughter is really being sexually abused by these coaches, you're a terrible parent for coming on here to ask if you should do something about it.

I think yes, you should. I at least wouldn't send the three of them on a hotel weekend where she's going to run a race for about 20 mins and the three of them spend the rest of the weekend at the hotel.

That said, I am from a country where the age of consent is 16 so if she's above 16 and she started it, I would say she is to blame too.

Did you even bother to read any of the posts in the thread

You're really, really dumb. You didn't even read the post right above yours. THERE IS NO ASSAULT, ABUSE, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, FELLAS.

Just a parent who isn't happy that their daughter isn't getting the kind of attention she feels she deserves.

Sucks that none of my posts over a handful of lines will go through. There is no assault. I would not label the many negative toward my daughter (either to her or about her to others) can quite be called abuse, but it is more than not getting attention (that is what we are after!). It is a form of near-bullying, given their ages and positions. Coaches should try to help runners or completely ignore them... not actively coach against them. So, "abuse"... nah... not quite (there was one time where he supposedly was "yelling" at her and "in her face", but I think it may have been unkind words that made her feel that way... I don't know). I guess I would call it "extremely tacky" or "sucky coaching", which is what I have been calling it.

Describe coaching against them.

Perhaps your daughter just doesn't like the guy. Hormones are a thing, you know.

Heaven forbid you had a son on a football team. You would have a new thread every day about the coach yelling at your son.

Anyways, the only time I have been yelled at by my coach was when we had all sucked at a championship meet. Before which half the team was playing basketball instead of warming up.

Would you care to explain the situation in which the coach was yelling at your daughter?

That was really, really hard to read.

To those that can't seem to understand that I am not claiming there has been some sort of assault. No, there hasn't. That said, would it be fair to say that there is a continuum of quality, and that coaches may move up or down?

Excellent inspirational knowledgable caring coaching

Excellent inspirational caring not as knowledgeable

Excellent knowledgable

Good (in different ways, see above)

Fair (maybe not bad, just young and inexperienced)

Indifferent (maybe would prefer to be elsewhere)

Poor (strongly holds beliefs that are false, like the best way for a distance runner to train is to run more than 10 miles, with lots of 100 meter sprints. Think football coach)

Very Poor - Just like the above, but also a little power-trippy

Sucks - May has some substandard qualities above and actively coaches against

runners (not sure why)

Abusive - Expletive-heavy frequent disparaging comments, make others feel bad about themselves, classic bullying

Illegal / Assaulting

Our coach is the "Sucks" category. He may move up or down from there. Not claiming abusive (at least not yet), and I daughter (and us) would crush him if he went below abusive.

Perhaps she needs protection from her parents. Stop helicoptering and let her mature.

As a HS coach, this is how I'd like to see one of my girls and their parents handle it.

1. Encourage your daughter to talk to the coach and be an advocate for herself. I know that I am not perfect as a coach, and sometimes I probably do spend more time talking to some kids than others, although it's rarely intentional. I LOVE when an athlete meets with me and tells me "This is how I'm feeling and this is what motivates me. Can you help me?" Trying to balance a bunch of different personalities is hard, and hearing it from the kid directly is much less confrontational.

2. When you contact the coach, don't tell them what to do. Instead, tell them how your daughter is feeling. Ask if there's anything that she can do differently or you can do at home to support you. I've only had about 3 issues with parents on my team this year. In each scenario, the kid wasn't telling their parent the whole story. This does not mean that I handle every situation perfectly, but it opens up space for a dialogue instead of immediately being accusatory.

3. Schedule a meeting with the coaches, your daughter, and you to work something out. When there is a serious issue or concern, I like being able to schedule something where I can devote my full time and attention to it.

I think for the short term, it would be reasonable to have 1-2 other girls practice with her through the end of the season. That's standard at our school when we only have an individual get through. After the season though, I think you all need to sit down with the coaches and talk. She should do the majority of the talking because it's a good skill for her to learn, but if her coach is really an ass, then it's alright for you to be there to ensure she isn't bullied. Honestly though from the examples you gave, it sounds like he's just oblivious to the psyches of teenage girls rather than actively trying to hurt her.

uber,

This HAS to be the best troll thread ever started. You've got people responding to you even though you have given NO concrete examples of the wrong doings of the coaches.

Props to you, brother.

If, on the odd chance, that you have some sort of disability or condition that makes you unable to accurately describe a situation, let me give you some advice (most of what has been said already):

1) Let the coaches coach. If YOU want to be a coach, then go be a coach somewhere. We should not know that you and your wife were All Americans. It matters not. Your kid is an athlete on a team that has coaches. She does what they say unless there are concrete specific reasons for her not to. You don't like the coaching style, then that's not enough to go the AD with.

2) Know that you ARE a helicopter parent. Coaches see this a mile away, and those types of parents are NOT their favorites, and that can have a backlash on your kid, even if they don't realize that they are. BUT, since you ARE a helicopter parent, I personally don't believe they are treating your kid inappropriately, and I will not believe they are unless you give some specific examples.

So, let's hear some EXAMPLES of what they do to mistreat your daughter. With a thread this long and you've not done so yet, I believe that either you are a troll or your are actually not capable of doing this due to some sort of disability or condition. There can be no other reason...well, other than perhaps you just have a general bad feeling (unjustified) about the coaches and you realize that there's really no concrete example you can give to support your opinion of them.

Aack.. between the posting problems (I am totally at a loss why some go through and others don't) AND that I do not want to provide any detail that would "out" my daughter, myself, or the school. I know I am writing in a vague and frustrating way.

I'll give an example of coaching against / yelling. At the meeting where the coaches wouldn't provide the schedule, they did say that they employ a hard-day easy-day schedule. Their overall mileage is on the low side, so daughter feels that she has to hammer workouts. Fine. So, on Monday they do Ks, and she goes for it. On Tuesday, she is thinking it will be an easy day as this is what they have done all season, but because it's the week before a big meet, the coach wants to do 3 consecutive hard days. As lame as that is, this lack of knowledge bothers me less and I do not consider that coaching against. So, Tuesday's workout is several quarters. She is not able to run as well, since she hammered the day before, but she tries. Before they got to the last one, the coach got in her face, saying (yelling according to my daughter, but I think she was more intimidated than anything) she wasn't running fast enough and wasn't helping her teammate (who is a really good runner). That weekend, the coach has a strategy session with fast teammate (which is fine). My daughter, hoping to let all previous things (probably about 4-5 tacky instances) be water under the bridge, asks what the coach thinks she should do (after the coach was done with the lengthy talk with #1). He says, "I don't know, try to hang in there. It's going to be fast. If you don't fall off too much, then you might break 5:25 (almost 10 secs less than what she ran the week before). On the surface, not that big a deal, but she and we know that it was a grown-up way of saying, "I don't know what you run, and I don't care about you." She tried to preserve the relationship and let him coach. He declined. She came in 2nd and finished ahead of fast teammate. He did not say one word to her afterwards.

I know that football coaches can do a lot of yelling - it's expected. There is less in boys xc, and I would anticipate even less towards HS freshman and sophomore girls, but maybe I am wrong?

Can we get this thread deleted and start again with an accurate subject like "My daughter feels like her coach is neglecting her, should I intervene?"

It's not the neglecting. That is fine, and at this point, what we actually want. It is the continual negative comments that over time begins to find some purchase. I guess I shouldn't have used the word "protecting". Sorry.

Just a quick reply to you, Flagpole, since you've been around here since before my daughter was born, and generally provide fairly sound comments. Other than the props (thank you), you're off. The reason I have been stingy with the details is because I am not going to "out" myself, daughter, or the school. You of all people should get that.

The only way this thread to be helpful is to stipulate that the coach sucks, and to go from there. Trying to convince me otherwise is a fool's errand. But, if caring for my daughter and starting a thread makes me helicopter dad, go on with your awesome parenting self (which I KNOW is no less helicopterish than me).

Other than that, your post is spot on, Coolio!

titler of threads wrote:

How about "My daughter's coach hates her...whaaa, whaaa, whaaaa"?

Ha ha - that made me laugh. Seriously!!! Nice LR form there!

I understand how I am coming off. I wish you well if you ever find yourself in the same situation.