Male Coaches: Never have one-on-one private interactions with female athletes

Good information on here, except for a troll or two...

I know I have considered acting as a volunteer coach, and after listening to some of my friends that are involved with it, stuff like this is what makes me think twice about offering to help.

The essential job of a coach is to instruct someone on the optimal means to accomplish X task. How you can do that while worrying that any instruction will be seen as a criticism and an out right attack?

Why open myself up to charges of god knows what "ism", have to defend myself and my reputation for what?

There's a risk/ reward balance that just seemed tilted in the wrong way right now.

@EZ10Miler this is exactly what I am trying to say, the fear mongering on this board is way out of proportion to the reality on the ground! Obviously there are certain rules that any coach should follow when it comes to dealing with athletes...you don't want to be texting them late at night, don't drive kids home after practice, closed door one on one meetings should be avoided. But this notion that's being put out there that every high school coach needs to live in constant fear of being accused of sexual harassments is so different from my experience and the experiences of most of the coaches that I know.

Don't give up coaching based on random Letsrun trolls making it seem like a lawsuit waiting to happen!

EZ10Miler wrote:

Good information on here, except for a troll or two...

I know I have considered acting as a volunteer coach, and after listening to some of my friends that are involved with it, stuff like this is what makes me think twice about offering to help.

The essential job of a coach is to instruct someone on the optimal means to accomplish X task. How you can do that while worrying that any instruction will be seen as a criticism and an out right attack?

Why open myself up to charges of god knows what "ism", have to defend myself and my reputation for what?

There's a risk/ reward balance that just seemed tilted in the wrong way right now.

That's why you should ignore most of what's in this thread. Don't be a creep and coach if you think you can help people. Yes avoid being 1 on 1 in private settings. That's it. Also don't be a creep. It's simple.

NightNinja13 wrote:

Every coach needs to be aware of how their behavior is going to be perceived not only by the athletes but by parents, other members of the team, other adults in the building, etc.

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This is very true.

Also, if you have an assistant coach, strength & conditioning coach that you recommend and work with and you are the head coach then you are ultimately responsible for their behavior.

To the poster that texts kids individually. How hard is it to include your assistant coach on the text or the parent? Use your head. Your behavior is not appropriate even if you feel it is.

I coach a team of 30+ girls and some of them live 20-30 minutes away. I don't have to give kids a ride and I'm calling bs to any coach that claims they have to do this. If parents know that you will not give a ride then they will magically figure it out. If they leave the kid waiting for an extended period of time which happens then it is time to have a talk with them about it.

Here is another thought not mentioned yet. As coaches, it is our responsibility to demonstrate what a safe environment for our athletes should look like so when that kid leaves your team to join another team or organization they know that alone time with the coach is not normal. So, maybe they will think twice about getting into the next guy's car for a ride.

A safe environment is any environment where there isn't a predator.

Texting is how people communicate in 2020.

That's it. Stop overthinking things.

It's really easy actually. It does not require much thought. Texting children individually is not appropriate. If I got wind that an adult coach was doing so I would report it without having to think about it.

otter wrote:

It's really easy actually. It does not require much thought. Texting children individually is not appropriate. If I got wind that an adult coach was doing so I would report it without having to think about it.

You are insane. Texting is the same thing as speaking in person. It is literally how people communicate these days. Job offers are sent by text. Every company has a text thing you sign up for. It's only inappropriate if you make it inappropriate. Every single coach I know texts their athletes and doesn't think twice about it. HS & College.

Indoor? wrote:

Yes avoid being 1 on 1 in private settings. That's it.

Of course, this undercuts a good bit of what you posted previously--unless, for one, you consider driving a single athlete home not to be a private setting.

Look--always assuming that you're not trolling--I can imagine a setting wherein your posts accurately present what the situation *has been* for *you*. But I can tell you that such a situation is NOT the norm in the United States, and I frankly think that you've been lucky so far.

"It's pretty simple don't be a predator, don't put yourself in a situation where a crazy could say you did something. That's it, all you got to do. " This reminds me of the line (paraphrased a bit) from H.L. Mencken: "For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong."

The whole point of a crazy person--there *are* some out there, and it only takes one--is that she is not governed by rationality. You can lead an absolutely blameless existence and be accused by a crazy person--personal experience and the experience of many others speak. And I can further tell you that, however rational and supportive your own school and school district may be, *most* will follow the principle of "where there's smoke, there's fire" and cut a coach loose. They don't have the time, energy, or funds to fight a complaint; the easy path for them is to change coaches, and most will take that path.

Is that unjust? In some cases, very much so. That outcome hurts the coach and the sport. But it *is* the reality. Some previous posters have given good tips on avoiding potential problem situations. Constant paranoia is not required, just some basic establishing of procedures and boundaries--that the coach *never* crosses.

Indoor? wrote:

otter wrote:

It's really easy actually. It does not require much thought. Texting children individually is not appropriate. If I got wind that an adult coach was doing so I would report it without having to think about it.

You are insane. Texting is the same thing as speaking in person. It is literally how people communicate these days. Job offers are sent by text. Every company has a text thing you sign up for. It's only inappropriate if you make it inappropriate. Every single coach I know texts their athletes and doesn't think twice about it. HS & College.

Job offers from a company by text? How is that at all relatable to a private conversation between an adult and a minor?

All I was saying was you should include your assistant coach or someone else in the conversation which is incredibly easy to do. If you are not willing to do that, then yes, I am very suspicious about your relationship to your athletes.

otter wrote:

Indoor? wrote:

You are insane. Texting is the same thing as speaking in person. It is literally how people communicate these days. Job offers are sent by text. Every company has a text thing you sign up for. It's only inappropriate if you make it inappropriate. Every single coach I know texts their athletes and doesn't think twice about it. HS & College.

Job offers from a company by text? How is that at all relatable to a private conversation between an adult and a minor?

All I was saying was you should include your assistant coach or someone else in the conversation which is incredibly easy to do. If you are not willing to do that, then yes, I am very suspicious about your relationship to your athletes.

You can tell guys that have thoughts about their athletes cause they call them kids, children or minors and not simply their athletes. See the people you coach as athletes, have a strong relationship with them. Yes certainly easy enough to include parents or other coaches in the texts and sometimes we do that. Sometimes the kids text us with questions, recruiting help, problems with a teammate, etc... They chose to have those conversations 1 on 1, those conversations would not happen if you were to insist "Hang on, let me add someone else in", that's just not how people communicate these days. Texting gets this inappropriate rep for no real reason. EVERYONE TEXTS. You'd probably freak out when I tell you that my athletes that are in college will call me on the phone one on one to tell me how things are going. My god, the scandal.

Indoor? wrote:

otter wrote:

Job offers from a company by text? How is that at all relatable to a private conversation between an adult and a minor?

All I was saying was you should include your assistant coach or someone else in the conversation which is incredibly easy to do. If you are not willing to do that, then yes, I am very suspicious about your relationship to your athletes.

You can tell guys that have thoughts about their athletes cause they call them kids, children or minors and not simply their athletes.

You don't see them as kids? You are texting children? Continuing a personal relationship after graduation?

otter wrote:

You don't see them as kids? You are texting children? Continuing a personal relationship after graduation?

I see them as people that I coach, as their coach I am invested in them as people and want them to succeed. Yes continue a relationship with them for the rest of their lives, you added the word "personal".

You tell people it’s a red flag if someone calls their athletes “kids” but then a couple of sentences later, you call them kids.

;)

There is a lot of discussion here, and if you can imagine a situation, it probably has already happened. Most allegations are real, but there are false allegations as well, and more often than not, the false allegations aren't of a sexual nature. Sometimes athletes, frustrated over a situation, hear something different than what you actually said. It happens between adults who work together, so we can expect it to happen with coaches and student athletes as well.

Be smart, and protect your student-athletes. Does that mean you cannot ever have a one on one conversation - no, but as has been said often, do it out in the open or in a situation where anyone can approach without any boundaries or restrictions. (Open doors, in sight of anyone passing by, an appropriate distance between you and student athlete, etc.)

If it involves discipline or an issue that you might not want to talk to an athlete on their own about, definitely involve another coach. I was at a spiritline competition at my school (I'm friends with the coaching staff), and was asked to listen in on a team discipline issue. I think these are the conversations that can be the most challenging and probably the ones that create the most tension.

If you're going to text, I prefer using an App that doesn't allow for deleting of text messages, so that no one can delete texts or be accused of that. And always keep it related to academics or athletics. But the key is that you text infrequently and communicate information relevant to your role. And most issues can wait until practice.

As for running with athletes, I usually had smaller teams, and sometimes I would run with a student-athlete individually - mostly when they didn't have anyone to train with, which occurs from time to time on smaller rosters. But almost all of our routes were out in public, and a number of them were out and back, so again, high exposure.

I can count the number of times I've ever given an athlete a ride in my vehicle. A few were during practice for safety concerns (weather and health) and had a coach with me. I know not everyone has had the luxury of an assistant coach or enough to do that. One I gave a ride to their theatre performance immediately after practice (assistant coach along with), and one I took home after a meet at midnight, after 90 minutes of calling the parent, the head track coach calling the AD and principal, and finally getting approval (parent was home passed out from drinking). I'd rather have not in all the situations, but sometimes things happen. Student athletes will find ways to get to practice via their peers, bikes, and even the deadbeat parents will figure it out.

Sadly, I've had peers accused of inappropriate activity (not many though). In one case, the accusation was false. The accuser wanted to recant even before the investigation. An investigation was done by the school district, another by local law enforcement. In both cases, he was cleared. No charges filed, the accuser apologized, and they went back to work. It would have been nice for the school district to have released a statement of support stronger than it did given they suspended him during the investigation. But the stigma will always be there. Now ... would I avoid coaching because of that? Absolutely not. I'm more concerned that parents will be upset that their athletes aren't competing in a meet, or I'm not using their private coach, or having mom and dad coach them during the season, and going to an AD and complaining and losing my job over that.

If your school doesn't have a strong code for coaches to follow, find resources like SafeSport and provide them to your site AD, and/or even your district AD. Be persistent. Talk to your peers about these things as well, and try to get them on board. There is safety and power in numbers. And you're doing it for the betterment of your student-athletes.

And finally, doing things the right way, and protecting yourself and student-athletes still provides a great chance to have strong coach athlete relationships , the kind that transforms life, and therefore persist far after high school. I've coached with former athletes, attended college graduations, attended weddings, visited with them and their newborn children, and been there when they lost family members. You can be smart and still develop the life changing, transformative coach-athlete relationships that help make athletics so impactful.

I get this is slightly OT, but please spare a thought for PTs or S&C coaches, who by definition need to spend time alone with athletes, with a closed door, and for whom physical contact is an unavoidable part of the job with, often, the athlete laying on a bench.

And even express verbal consent for a particular modality can be said to have been given under duress, given the perceived power imbalance between staff and athletes.

There is, literally, no way to manage or mitigate the risk, other than to make career choices which would tend to mean working with male or older athletes

Indoor? wrote:

That's why you should ignore most of what's in this thread. Don't be a creep and coach if you think you can help people. Yes avoid being 1 on 1 in private settings. That's it. Also don't be a creep. It's simple.

This is tiring, but I'll give it one more shot.

If YOU don't text and drive, you stand a really good chance of being safe when you drive. We can all agree distractions while driving are dangerous. But, that's only 50% of the equation when you talk about an accident. You can do EVERYTHING right, but if the other party is texting, drunk, tired etc and run a red light T-bone you at 55 mph, you are still n a bit of trouble.

Based on your tone and responses, you are likely a younger, less experienced coach. Many of us have coached for years and have seen and experienced a wide variety of things. We have all tried helping. You haven't gotten into trouble yet because you have been very fortunate. But you are crossing all sorts of lines and eventually you will pay the price for not being more careful.

Please take out advice and make some changes. You'll thank us later. Promise.

Nope1 wrote:

I get this is slightly OT, but please spare a thought for PTs or S&C coaches, who by definition need to spend time alone with athletes, with a closed door, and for whom physical contact is an unavoidable part of the job with, often, the athlete laying on a bench.

And even express verbal consent for a particular modality can be said to have been given under duress, given the perceived power imbalance between staff and athletes.

There is, literally, no way to manage or mitigate the risk, other than to make career choices which would tend to mean working with male or older athletes

I actually worked as an Athletic Trainer in a high school and middle school for several years, but decided to walk away because of (wouldn't you guess) fear of being on the wrong side of a disgruntled kid/parent. 2 examples of the nonsense I had to deal with: I refused to clear a baseball player to play a game after he was out for 2 months with a broken leg. He did not have a doctors note and the father, a big time school donner, refused to take him to the doctor to get a physicians clearance. So, the kid didn't play in the game. Father was mad. He threatened to sue me, then said he would investigate my credentials. And he actually did. He made calls to my college, my former employer AND to the board that licensed me. It went no where, but yeah...... Second example and final straw:, the facilities manager at this same school used dirt from a vacant lot owned by the school to repair a field. Unfortunately, this dirt had pieces of building debris in it, including glass. Whenever it rained, pieces of glass would float to the surface and I would have to pick up those pieces. Fortunately the field wasn't needed for a few months. But eventually, it was and practices were scheduled for it and despite my many requests and concerns nothing was done. I was told to walk the field prior to practices and pick up all the glass and other debris to make sure it was safe for kids. I was not comfortable with this because what if I missed a piece of glass. I would be held, at least, partially responsible. Told them I wouldn't agree to saying field is safe until after the issue with the field was properly resolved. Got a lot of push back from administration because it would cost money to fix field. Decided it was no longer worth it.

As a trainer there were many instances in which I had to treat kids and at no point did I do it with just the kid in the room. I always made sure that any interaction with a kid was done either out in the open or with one other person in the room.

I wanted to comment on this specifically since I think there is an important difference here compared to other scenarios. I have absolutely no problem with a coach running alone with a single athlete as part of practice. This happens often for us. With a big team, on a road training run, we often spread out a bit. If a runner is struggling, one coach will typically hang back so that runner isn't out running alone. Plus, you're out on public roads and 99% of the time within earshot and visible to other runners & coaches. Questionable scenarios would include a coach and athlete intentionally doing a complete workout alone, a coach meeting an single athlete on an off day, or a pattern of occurrences where a coach and athlete were repeatedly in one-on-one situations.

gobluesasquatch wrote:

As for running with athletes, I usually had smaller teams, and sometimes I would run with a student-athlete individually - mostly when they didn't have anyone to train with, which occurs from time to time on smaller rosters. But almost all of our routes were out in public, and a number of them were out and back, so again, high exposure.