@mikehammer - hope you can get help and wish you the best with trauma and grief. Please do keep in mind that sudden cessation of alcohol or benzos are the two things that can lead to medical emergencies. I hope you have a EAP or something similar and can get to a detox at least. Generally ti takes 7-10 days to safely detox. I know that seems like a lot, but it's virtually a drop in the bucket.
Best of luck my man. It can be the last time you ever wake up w/ a hangover if you choose. I hang out over at the Stop Drinking subreddit. Very supportive group over there.
@mikehammer - hope you can get help and wish you the best with trauma and grief. Please do keep in mind that sudden cessation of alcohol or benzos are the two things that can lead to medical emergencies. I hope you have a EAP or something similar and can get to a detox at least. Generally ti takes 7-10 days to safely detox. I know that seems like a lot, but it's virtually a drop in the bucket.
My sister was murdered when i was younger it changed the way I thought about life
Most of the rest of it is just brutality and violence
I started drinking in college. Joined a fraternity--you do the math. Continued drinking steadily through my 20's and mid 30's. The older I got, the more getting wasted messed me up, e.g. worse hangovers, more blackouts, erratic behavior, forgetting the stupid things I did, etc. I drank every night, either 10-12 beers, a half a fifth of vodka, a couple bottles of wine, or some equivalent. I'd turn things up on the weekends and when camping, on vacation, etc. Toward the end I found myself increasingly drinking higher % beers so I could get drunk more quickly. I'd pour my mixed drinks ridiculously stiff to accomplish the same.
I never got a DUI (deserved one, on a number of occasions) or did anything outrageously stupid, other than beat down my liver and body for the better part of 15 years. It definitely affected my relationship with my wife, who grew tired of my steady (and increasing) drinking and sometimes obnoxious drunk behavior. We had more than a few arguments about it. I'd slow down for a few days and then ramp right back up. Then we had kids, which understandably caused her to double down on her concerns.
A little over three years ago I woke up on Christmas morning with a horrible hangover. My kids got up and were doing the typical excited Christmas morning stuff. My wife went to take a shower. I stood in the kitchen and threw up in the sink--a bunch. I remember thinking "this is f#$%ing stupid." I should have been enjoying the moment with my family. Instead I was trying to keep it together. I was tired of being hungover all the time and being fat and lazy. I grew up pretty active and had always been svelte until I started drinking heavy and subsequently eating like crap. Most importantly, I was letting my wife down and I did not want to model this type of behavior for my kids. Thankfully I quit while they were still pretty little. And I definitely didn't want to have drinking and some related disease take me to an early grave.
I drew a line in the sand and never looked back. I worried if I would find out that I was addicted. I wondered what might happen transitioning from drinking being the centerpiece of every social occasion to not drinking at all. I have never once craved a drink or missed drinking. That was a relief. My friends don't care that I don't drink any more. If they did, they wouldn't be friends. We still have non-drinking stuff in common. I still occasionally go out to a bar with friends or family. It's pretty easy to just drink water or club soda or whatever.
The only slightly awkward part of it all was perhaps turning down drinks when I first dried up. But anyone with half a brain will understand the words "no thanks" and not question it, especially if they know you were a big drinker. Plus its not really any of their business unless you want it to be. Of course I told my buddies that I quit drinking. It was interesting to find out some of them were questioning their own drinking habits. Most have slowed down themselves.
Best of all is that I got active again and started running for the first time. Three years and appx. 5000 miles later, I'm loving life, setting PRs, and having a lot of fun. I still have my old friends and we have fun together, but I also have running buddies who I've shared some great experiences and road trips with. I dropped 70 lbs and am within 5 lbs of what I weighed in high school. 5% body fat. I've never been in this great of shape, even when I was a relatively fit teenager doing a lot of outdoor stuff.
I'll end with one piece of advice. You have to figure out what compels you drink in the first place, especially if you feel like it is a problem. For me--into my 30's when things were getting problematic--I realized it was my way of detaching, relieving stress, and not giving a f#$% about whatever was bothering me. Get drunk and don't give a rip! Perfect, but actually not. Running is now an outlet for that. When I'm stressed or worked up about something, I find that after a run I have cleared my mind and feel better.
Here's wishing the best to any of you who are struggling with drinking. If you want to make a change, do whatever it takes to make it happen.
Found this post a while back and immediately knew it described me...today I'm drawing my line in the sand - never really committed to giving alcohol up completely before (stopped for a few years about 10 years ago) but I'm finally ready to...day 1
I started drinking in college. Joined a fraternity--you do the math. Continued drinking steadily through my 20's and mid 30's. The older I got, the more getting wasted messed me up, e.g. worse hangovers, more blackouts, erratic behavior, forgetting the stupid things I did, etc. I drank every night, either 10-12 beers, a half a fifth of vodka, a couple bottles of wine, or some equivalent. I'd turn things up on the weekends and when camping, on vacation, etc. Toward the end I found myself increasingly drinking higher % beers so I could get drunk more quickly. I'd pour my mixed drinks ridiculously stiff to accomplish the same.
I never got a DUI (deserved one, on a number of occasions) or did anything outrageously stupid, other than beat down my liver and body for the better part of 15 years. It definitely affected my relationship with my wife, who grew tired of my steady (and increasing) drinking and sometimes obnoxious drunk behavior. We had more than a few arguments about it. I'd slow down for a few days and then ramp right back up. Then we had kids, which understandably caused her to double down on her concerns.
A little over three years ago I woke up on Christmas morning with a horrible hangover. My kids got up and were doing the typical excited Christmas morning stuff. My wife went to take a shower. I stood in the kitchen and threw up in the sink--a bunch. I remember thinking "this is f#$%ing stupid." I should have been enjoying the moment with my family. Instead I was trying to keep it together. I was tired of being hungover all the time and being fat and lazy. I grew up pretty active and had always been svelte until I started drinking heavy and subsequently eating like crap. Most importantly, I was letting my wife down and I did not want to model this type of behavior for my kids. Thankfully I quit while they were still pretty little. And I definitely didn't want to have drinking and some related disease take me to an early grave.
I drew a line in the sand and never looked back. I worried if I would find out that I was addicted. I wondered what might happen transitioning from drinking being the centerpiece of every social occasion to not drinking at all. I have never once craved a drink or missed drinking. That was a relief. My friends don't care that I don't drink any more. If they did, they wouldn't be friends. We still have non-drinking stuff in common. I still occasionally go out to a bar with friends or family. It's pretty easy to just drink water or club soda or whatever.
The only slightly awkward part of it all was perhaps turning down drinks when I first dried up. But anyone with half a brain will understand the words "no thanks" and not question it, especially if they know you were a big drinker. Plus its not really any of their business unless you want it to be. Of course I told my buddies that I quit drinking. It was interesting to find out some of them were questioning their own drinking habits. Most have slowed down themselves.
Best of all is that I got active again and started running for the first time. Three years and appx. 5000 miles later, I'm loving life, setting PRs, and having a lot of fun. I still have my old friends and we have fun together, but I also have running buddies who I've shared some great experiences and road trips with. I dropped 70 lbs and am within 5 lbs of what I weighed in high school. 5% body fat. I've never been in this great of shape, even when I was a relatively fit teenager doing a lot of outdoor stuff.
I'll end with one piece of advice. You have to figure out what compels you drink in the first place, especially if you feel like it is a problem. For me--into my 30's when things were getting problematic--I realized it was my way of detaching, relieving stress, and not giving a f#$% about whatever was bothering me. Get drunk and don't give a rip! Perfect, but actually not. Running is now an outlet for that. When I'm stressed or worked up about something, I find that after a run I have cleared my mind and feel better.
Here's wishing the best to any of you who are struggling with drinking. If you want to make a change, do whatever it takes to make it happen.
Found this post a while back and immediately knew it described me...today I'm drawing my line in the sand - never really committed to giving alcohol up completely before (stopped for a few years about 10 years ago) but I'm finally ready to...day 1
Just cut back. I drink 3 beers on Friday and 3 on Saturday afternoon, all light-ish beers that are at most 5.5% ABV. No double IPAs or Imperial stouts for me.
Otherwise I don't drink. Calorie wise it's less than a pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream. To compensate I don't eat sweets or desserts during the week.
Just cut back. I drink 3 beers on Friday and 3 on Saturday afternoon, all light-ish beers that are at most 5.5% ABV. No double IPAs or Imperial stouts for me.
Otherwise I don't drink. Calorie wise it's less than a pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream. To compensate I don't eat sweets or desserts during the week.
I wish that was a viable option for me. One means three, three means five…. And so on.
I'm 39 almost 40 a boarder line alcoholic/binge drinker. I tend to drink when really stressed. Career wise I make solid income so does my wife close $200k combined right now. My stress comes primarily from lack of relaxation. Most of my friends get vacations and I have a big one planned for my 40th birthday but can't save anything. The goal is too put away $10k to $15k for a big trip for my wife and I problem is it's impossible without credit cards. I talked to my dad and mentioned putting money away is more difficult and something always wipes what I try to save away. He said put the trip on a card and use a cash advance for your cash. I couldn't tell him that I don't have any cards we filled chapter 7 6 years ago when I was injured and medically discharged from the military because of a heart condition. So I drink primarily due to lack of relaxation. I have put a year together hear and there last time was from 2018 to 2019. I just figure it is who I am still in good shape for the most part. At least I am not a heroin addict because I am sure that stuff is way better then drinking. I drink primarily to numb myself out to the crap around me.
I recently came to the realization that many of my struggles with alcohol are rooted in nostalgia. There are several times in the past which I view with rose-colored glasses where I drank and had an awesome time, so each drink is a way to recapture that feeling. I have had to reframe things in the context of creating new memories free of alcohol which I will look back upon favorably in 5, 10, 15 years time.
I know I'm super late to this thread but holy shyte did this post resonate with me. I've been debating quitting drinking for a while now, and I think it's time to move on. I'm not even that heavy of a drinker (4-5 beers on a Friday) but that's still 1000+ empty calories and usually enough to make my sleep suffer and feel like crap on Saturday morning. And it affects my Saturday run.
Just a few weeks ago I bought a craft beer that is honestly so-so objectively speaking, but I used to drink it a lot during a more carefree time of my life when I was single and had all the free time in the world. I drank it last weekend purely for nostalgia reasons. All I got was a headache on Saturday morning.
Don't know if you'll see this but thanks again for this excellent post.
I'm 39 almost 40 a boarder line alcoholic/binge drinker. I tend to drink when really stressed. Career wise I make solid income so does my wife close $200k combined right now. My stress comes primarily from lack of relaxation. Most of my friends get vacations and I have a big one planned for my 40th birthday but can't save anything. The goal is too put away $10k to $15k for a big trip for my wife and I problem is it's impossible without credit cards. I talked to my dad and mentioned putting money away is more difficult and something always wipes what I try to save away. He said put the trip on a card and use a cash advance for your cash. I couldn't tell him that I don't have any cards we filled chapter 7 6 years ago when I was injured and medically discharged from the military because of a heart condition. So I drink primarily due to lack of relaxation. I have put a year together hear and there last time was from 2018 to 2019. I just figure it is who I am still in good shape for the most part. At least I am not a heroin addict because I am sure that stuff is way better then drinking. I drink primarily to numb myself out to the crap around me.
I think your lack of relaxation might be partially DUE to your drinking. At least it definitely was for me. Drinking teaches our brains that we need a drink to be able to relax. So we forget our natural coping mechanisms for stress and need a drink to relax. I became much more relaxed when I stopped drinking nightly. My mind and body relearned to chill without alcohol. It was REALLY HARD at first to come home after a stressful day and not drink. But I kept reminding myself that I was teaching my brain how to cope with stress without a drink. And it worked eventually. I still give in now and again. I didn't completely cut out alcohol, but I almost never drink at home alone anymore.
Also, maybe you need to re-evaluate your career/life choices. If you really need a vacation to escape from the day to day, maybe you need to change your day-to-day. Life should not be vacations punctuated by long spans of work. We should really enjoy the regular days too. I changed what I was doing with my career and now my life is better. I never think "I need a vacation" anymore. I used to live my life counting down until vacations because my day-to-day sucks. If you get your day to day good, vacations are just fun extra things, not something you need to escape from your stressful life.
Just cut back. I drink 3 beers on Friday and 3 on Saturday afternoon, all light-ish beers that are at most 5.5% ABV. No double IPAs or Imperial stouts for me.
Otherwise I don't drink. Calorie wise it's less than a pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream. To compensate I don't eat sweets or desserts during the week.
I wish that was a viable option for me. One means three, three means five…. And so on.
Same. One = 5 and wash them all down with some whisky and gin. Rinse and repeat the next day except I'm at 1 month without so far.
I'm 39 almost 40 a boarder line alcoholic/binge drinker. I tend to drink when really stressed. Career wise I make solid income so does my wife close $200k combined right now. My stress comes primarily from lack of relaxation. Most of my friends get vacations and I have a big one planned for my 40th birthday but can't save anything. The goal is too put away $10k to $15k for a big trip for my wife and I problem is it's impossible without credit cards. I talked to my dad and mentioned putting money away is more difficult and something always wipes what I try to save away. He said put the trip on a card and use a cash advance for your cash. I couldn't tell him that I don't have any cards we filled chapter 7 6 years ago when I was injured and medically discharged from the military because of a heart condition. So I drink primarily due to lack of relaxation. I have put a year together hear and there last time was from 2018 to 2019. I just figure it is who I am still in good shape for the most part. At least I am not a heroin addict because I am sure that stuff is way better then drinking. I drink primarily to numb myself out to the crap around me.
I think your lack of relaxation might be partially DUE to your drinking. At least it definitely was for me. Drinking teaches our brains that we need a drink to be able to relax. So we forget our natural coping mechanisms for stress and need a drink to relax. I became much more relaxed when I stopped drinking nightly. My mind and body relearned to chill without alcohol. It was REALLY HARD at first to come home after a stressful day and not drink. But I kept reminding myself that I was teaching my brain how to cope with stress without a drink. And it worked eventually. I still give in now and again. I didn't completely cut out alcohol, but I almost never drink at home alone anymore.
Also, maybe you need to re-evaluate your career/life choices. If you really need a vacation to escape from the day to day, maybe you need to change your day-to-day. Life should not be vacations punctuated by long spans of work. We should really enjoy the regular days too. I changed what I was doing with my career and now my life is better. I never think "I need a vacation" anymore. I used to live my life counting down until vacations because my day-to-day sucks. If you get your day to day good, vacations are just fun extra things, not something you need to escape from your stressful life.
solid advice here...
would also add, why not schedule a cheaper vacation? You can certainly have a nice/fun/relaxing vacation for far less than 10-15k.