RE: Help Cancer Guy - Trying Again

Hi Brent.

I didn't mean to misquote you. Here is an example of the kind of thing I was thinking of.

"Please post your real name and real contact info and then say that a measly $7,500 is too much to do a project for caring for CG's family. Are you proud of yourself?

...

You mentioned guilt. Is that an indication that you are starting to see how easy and worthy doing this is and you have no excuse for dragging this down?

And this is the kicker!

CG SAID HE WANTED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIS WIFE SAID SHE WAS EXCITED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I'm sure that CG and his wife will be happy to know that you, uh oh, actually know what's better for them.

...

Just give, uh oh! It is sooo easy and you will feel better when you give up your cynicism (and I'm being sincere here)."

It's not a big deal, but I do think you are being pushy about this project.

In my opinion these sorts of things are often successful because they have an organic nature that builds on itself into something that people are really inspired by.

In this case you are one of the few people that seems to see the value in this.

I only comment because I was trying to help you make sense of the pushback you are getting.

In any event, I think you mean well, and I feel for the guy and his family as well.

I bet you would get a lot more love here if you shelved your project in favour of raising "direct" funds and then it is up to the family if they choose to follow through with the project.

Good luck however it turns out.

Most of the naysyers as they are being called, are not saying its a bad idea. Go back and read the posts. What I am reading is a few people telling Brent why they are uncomfortable donating so they can get him to change how he is acting. Instead Brent just rails on them and calls them names and plays the victim. Over and over I see the same thing. Every body wants to donate, some want to give money, some like Brents idea. The problem is the way Brent is acting. Some body mentioned Cancer Guy might be reading these posts. I hope not because that would break my heart. Probably his and his wife and his kids to. Brent please stop replying. You are making it worse not better.

I should clarify, I agree that most seem to think the gesture and the general idea of the project is great. It is more the execution that people are questioning (rightly or wrongly).

last word wrote:

Brent please stop replying. You are making it worse not better.

Yep. The whole thing would have gone over a lot better if Brent had just said from the beginning "here's my plan. Please donate if you'd like. Don't donate if you don't want to." and left it at that. No need to argue every point. Just present your plan and let people get on board if they want to.

Brent, did you clear it with cancer guy before you started plastering his real name all over your website? He asked several times not to be "outed". Maybe he changed his mind, but maybe not. Not cool, man.

Brent. wrote:

Listen. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be mean. But when I read that it just sounded like I was hearing in the background, "attention Walmart shoppers".

200 x $38

100 x $75

That's a month's (or two) Starbucks money.

[/quote]

That's also money that could be going to another charitable cause.

asdfsadf, thanks.

This actually made me cry.

Thank you as well. I appreciate very much these posts that can help bring a balance. I also know what you mean about my way of responding.

questioner of things wrote:

Brent, did you clear it with cancer guy before you started plastering his real name all over your website? He asked several times not to be "outed". Maybe he changed his mind, but maybe not. Not cool, man.

No. CG offered the link to his blog on lotsahelpinghands for those interested, and his name is quickly able to be had that way. For his own reasons, he didn't/doesn't want his name listed on the boards. For those more interested, he doesn't seem to have an issue with them knowing his name.

His blog is invitation only.

I started this new thread in hopes that others would realize just the point that many are now making: donate if you want, don't if you don't, and leave it at that.

I wasn't happy that others still brought their negative influencing and hostile remarks, and at first I tried to ignore them. Since it continued, however, I began to feel I either had to fight it, and specifically shame others, if onlookers were ever going to have a chance of giving this a fair and balanced shake.

I really completely understand the point about not being mean or fighting, but if I didn't/don't, can you honestly say this would have had a better chance of being further along now? I really struggle with that. I apologized for the way I handled it before, and tried to remove others' basis for being so vocally critical, and I think irrationally so, of the project. But there was still an avalanche of hostility. And when I try to stop it or give perspective to the avalanche, the plan is then ridiculed based on my "attitude". All I can say is that it felt like a damned if you do, damned if you don't, situation.

Some of the negative posters were not being either mean, or irrational. If you'll go back and see how I responded to them, I don't think I was in any way mean to them. I explained why I think they were wrong.

jobby hogger's comments, for example, were well thought out and put directly towards the rationality, or lack of it, for the project. I responded in kind, kindly, unless others feel that my "Walmart" mentality comment was being mean, even as I said I wasn't trying to be mean (and that very well may be the case. I felt that really?????? was being a dick (his word), even as he said he wasn't trying to be, and later realized he really wasn't being one). But I bring up his comments because everyone was so ready to say, "Yeah! That is gospel truth. That's unanswerable." But, I answered it. It was answerable! If I hadn't, everyone would have just let the whole thing go.

So, what am I really supposed to do? If I answer I'm being pushy. If I don't, the project is going to die on the operating room floor.

asdfsadf said, "I only comment because I was trying to help you make sense of the pushback you are getting."

But, the pushback I'm getting is because of the pushback that I'm giving that is, I think objectively obvious, from the original pushing of hostile posters. I agree "who hit who first" is often irrelevant. Two wrongs don't make a right. But neither does one wrong make a right, and sometimes who did what first does matter; quite often, in fact.

At any rate, the downward spiral effect has again happened here. I'm sorry that it's happened, but I'm not convinced that the project would be any better off if I were to let others' comments go.

From here on out, however, I will do me very best to "let it ride", and only respond as kindly as I can. Thanks to those who are trying to help me see things more clearly. I also ask for continued help from those who have done so in replying to any further unnecessarily negative comments.

If I don't learn something from all this, I am definitely unteachable.

questioner of things wrote:

His blog is invitation only.

You know, I had to sign up and get accepted, but I thought it was pretty much automatic. Maybe I was wrong on that and they are actually screening those who apply!?

Brent. wrote:

asdfsadf, thanks.

This actually made me cry.

By the way, in case it wasn't clear, I was being sincere. I have felt and still feel, very strongly, that people have been very unfair in painting me the way they have, and simply being mean toward me personally without provocation. The way you worded that, however, really touched me in that, even though you are being critical of my conduct and disagree with the project on a fundamental level, you still were really trying to be helpful. I have gotten almost no hint of that from others. And so . . . I cried.

I didn't want you or others to think I thought you were being mean by quoting my strong words to uh oh.

CG contacted me and has offered to use another photographer that he's already used before. Of course, I cannot refuse him.

I'm still hopeful the book turns out fantastic.

So, the funds collected so far will be put into a PayPal account that he has in order that he can pay his photographer.

As I mentioned, when I got the PayPal account info I would post it here. Since, however, the PayPal is, as per normal, attached to his email account, I will post it on the donation site I've already been using.

It is a gmail account. Is there going to be a ton of spam forwarded to him if I just post it here? For now, though . . .

To make a direct donation to CG, find his PayPal account info on:

http://www.giveforward.com/fight-like-a-runner

To help Cancer Guy

How are we to be sure this money goes into his paypal account and not one for you? This is an honest question I can see people being concerned about.

You have a cause.

You explained why you are doing it.

You set up a place to donate.

You are finished.

Before you drive more potential donors away, just shut up.

It's unlikely that the address was recently set up but it should still be confirmed some how. This is how it should have been done from the start.

ok, now what? wrote:

How are we to be sure this money goes into his paypal account and not one for you? This is an honest question I can see people being concerned about.

Me too. As far as I know, there is no way other than what PayPal may provide.

I have already received a donation in the account. It is tied directly to my HSA account so expenses contribute directly to medical costs only.