Not all of us men can end up with a wife worth having. I’m super lucky that I fell in love with a 25yo that isn’t a dope now years later. We’re a team so I get the opportunity to run and breath hard and fill that gap in my life. If your wife isn’t pulling half the weight, you won’t have the time to “stay fit for her.”
But you’ll have the muscles to show for all that solo weight pulling.
Early 30s is not middle age. I’m in my 50s and fortunate to have a full head of jet black hair and women constantly comment on my tight buns. However I see the other side of the coin; after a few kids and stress of life, it’s more comfortable to sit a home watching tv than going out pulling of a 2.50 marathon like I’m doing g regularly.
Mid-50's and still work out every day. If it's on the road, the first half mile is half hobbling/half shuffling. After a few miles it smooths out. When I'm done, it feels great. In the gym, it's a constant dance of dodging injury. What hurts today? How do I avoid it? But I always get my hour in with good intensity, no socializing, no scrolling on the phone. It's not easy but it's possible, and it hurts. And you need more creativity.
41M Pre-Kids - 4 days a week mountain biking/running with a 50-60hr demanding job Avg home price - $450k 10 years ago - $800k now.
Monthly expenses family of 5 = $8k
Eldest 7, youngest 15months.
Wife, exhausted, 2 kids in sports, still have 50-60hour job with commute. Kids get sick, we get sick, someone always screaming. Tidying up and cleaning food off the floor is a daily. Housework/renos/fix stuff, clean the car.
Baby sleeps like garbage. I bought a new mountain bike this year.
Season is over, winter incoming. I was able to squeeze in 4 runs, and zero 'adult' mountain bike rides, never got to ride the new mountain bike.
'Feel' like I am failing at every facet. Most people would call me a success from the outside.
Unless I am willing to live on 5-6 hours sleep, the workouts get kicked down the road. Not ideal, but we are not willing to cut our kids activities and shoe horn ourselves into a townhouse with no privacy.
41M Pre-Kids - 4 days a week mountain biking/running with a 50-60hr demanding job Avg home price - $450k 10 years ago - $800k now.
Monthly expenses family of 5 = $8k
Eldest 7, youngest 15months.
Wife, exhausted, 2 kids in sports, still have 50-60hour job with commute. Kids get sick, we get sick, someone always screaming. Tidying up and cleaning food off the floor is a daily. Housework/renos/fix stuff, clean the car.
Baby sleeps like garbage. I bought a new mountain bike this year.
Season is over, winter incoming. I was able to squeeze in 4 runs, and zero 'adult' mountain bike rides, never got to ride the new mountain bike.
'Feel' like I am failing at every facet. Most people would call me a success from the outside.
Unless I am willing to live on 5-6 hours sleep, the workouts get kicked down the road. Not ideal, but we are not willing to cut our kids activities and shoe horn ourselves into a townhouse with no privacy.
This is the answer. My husband and I are busy working parents of two toddlers. There is no reason he can’t ride and I can’t run enough for physical and mental health. Running is wonderful for this reason: you just need shoes, a safe route, and a few minutes.
Don’t listen to any implicit or explicit messages about how your life should be. Don’t assume the cultural tropes are reality, or will be true for you. Do what is best for you. Keep running. If you have a marriage and kids to look after eventually, you will make compromises but you can have your health and a happy home life.
Letsrun is not a good place to get reasonable answers. Lots of pessimism here. Keep that in mind.
41M Pre-Kids - 4 days a week mountain biking/running with a 50-60hr demanding job Avg home price - $450k 10 years ago - $800k now.
Monthly expenses family of 5 = $8k
Eldest 7, youngest 15months.
Wife, exhausted, 2 kids in sports, still have 50-60hour job with commute. Kids get sick, we get sick, someone always screaming. Tidying up and cleaning food off the floor is a daily. Housework/renos/fix stuff, clean the car.
Baby sleeps like garbage. I bought a new mountain bike this year.
Season is over, winter incoming. I was able to squeeze in 4 runs, and zero 'adult' mountain bike rides, never got to ride the new mountain bike.
'Feel' like I am failing at every facet. Most people would call me a success from the outside.
Unless I am willing to live on 5-6 hours sleep, the workouts get kicked down the road. Not ideal, but we are not willing to cut our kids activities and shoe horn ourselves into a townhouse with no privacy.
I sympathize. It is a squeeze to get quality exercise in amongst it all.
Lawn care and house tidying/cleanliness now take a backseat to exercise.
My kids, my husband, and I are healthy and happy first, and then the floor gets vacuumed. Maybe you need to let go of some stuff for a few years, like cleaning the car. Who cares if your car is clean?
41M Pre-Kids - 4 days a week mountain biking/running with a 50-60hr demanding job Avg home price - $450k 10 years ago - $800k now.
Monthly expenses family of 5 = $8k
Eldest 7, youngest 15months.
Wife, exhausted, 2 kids in sports, still have 50-60hour job with commute. Kids get sick, we get sick, someone always screaming. Tidying up and cleaning food off the floor is a daily. Housework/renos/fix stuff, clean the car.
Baby sleeps like garbage. I bought a new mountain bike this year.
Season is over, winter incoming. I was able to squeeze in 4 runs, and zero 'adult' mountain bike rides, never got to ride the new mountain bike.
'Feel' like I am failing at every facet. Most people would call me a success from the outside.
Unless I am willing to live on 5-6 hours sleep, the workouts get kicked down the road. Not ideal, but we are not willing to cut our kids activities and shoe horn ourselves into a townhouse with no privacy.
I sympathize. It is a squeeze to get quality exercise in amongst it all.
Lawn care and house tidying/cleanliness now take a backseat to exercise.
My kids, my husband, and I are healthy and happy first, and then the floor gets vacuumed. Maybe you need to let go of some stuff for a few years, like cleaning the car. Who cares if your car is clean?
I think people just assume certain things have to go before them and then the years go by and you’re fat miserable out of shape. My car or lawn isn’t coming before my health f that.
Usually women end up getting fat, so there is no need for the man to stay in shape to look good for his wife. Further, it's hard to find the time to work out when you have to work overtime to pay for your wife's food.
Sounds like you're really struggling brother. Hang in there, don't be afraid to reach out for help, and remember to be kind to yourself.
It is easy to pick out the true middle-aged people who are married with kids in this thread. They speak the truth. Most of it comes down to a lack of "me" time and the evolution of life that creeps up on you.
It is super easy to say, "well I would never let my work impact my health," but then you find yourself with a mortgage, kids' sports fees, a wife asking for a vacation, a car that needs replacing, and the list goes on.... It's not like you can wake up at 40 and decide to be a free spirit one day. It would be extremely selfish and narcissistic to tell your family they have to go without so that you can prioritize working out (at middle age, especially).
I ran in college for an ACC school and did pretty well (not great), but enough to carry it into a serious marathon focus after graduation. I had a good job that was demanding, but as a young, single guy it was easy to knock out the 100 mpw I was running at the time. I got married relatively young (24) and my wife liked to work out as well. She wasn't a runner runner, but she ran or went to the gym every day. Still, she didn't understand why I needed to double or run long when I was no longer on a team.
There was friction at times, but we talked about it a lot and her brother inadvertently helped me out and honestly changed my life for the better with one offhand statement. We were sitting around one afternoon at her parents' house during the holidays and I said, "Well, I am going to go run so I can be ready for dinner tonight." I had run that morning, and my wife wanted me to skip my afternoon run. My brother-in-law looked at my wife and said, "If there is one thing I know is true in life, it is that smokers are gonna smoke, and runners are gonna run. Be glad you got a runner." Most women are going to listen to their older brothers and respect their opinions, especially when they're still young. My brother isn't a runner at all, but he is hyper successful and just a great dude. His words meant a lot to my wife.
Now fast-forward 25 years and I am no longer running 100 mpw but I wish I could. I love running and working out. Love it. But my work phone starts blowing up at 7am and goes non-stop until 10pm. I travel for work at least one week each quarter (not a lot, I know). And all three of my kids are highly athletic. As any parent of sporty teens knows, this means spending a bunch of time on sports fields, tracks, gyms, and - worst of all - in the car. Even if you're not doing overnight sports travel, there are practices and games all over the place. Add in school sports and it is a constant game of carpools, logistics, etc. I have one that drives herself, but we still want to watch her play. She goes to college next year and I am going to miss the soccer games, track meets, and tennis matches. I WANT to be there to watch her. So even on the weekends when work slows way down, it is really hard to find more than 45 minutes to knock out a run. I just gets hard, even if the will and the drive and the physical ability remain. In short, your own fitness becomes less of a virtue and more of a vice, at least for me. I stay fit, but not as fit as I would like.
Somehow, my wife remains super fit without working out a ton. Lots of running with the dog and combining activity with general chores.
I sympathize. It is a squeeze to get quality exercise in amongst it all.
Lawn care and house tidying/cleanliness now take a backseat to exercise.
My kids, my husband, and I are healthy and happy first, and then the floor gets vacuumed. Maybe you need to let go of some stuff for a few years, like cleaning the car. Who cares if your car is clean?
I think people just assume certain things have to go before them and then the years go by and you’re fat miserable out of shape. My car or lawn isn’t coming before my health f that.
Only thing that comes before my health are my children. I’m not rotting away in a house with objects that barely make me any happier. People got to learn to put themselves first.
It is easy to pick out the true middle-aged people who are married with kids in this thread. They speak the truth. Most of it comes down to a lack of "me" time and the evolution of life that creeps up on you.
It is super easy to say, "well I would never let my work impact my health," but then you find yourself with a mortgage, kids' sports fees, a wife asking for a vacation, a car that needs replacing, and the list goes on.... It's not like you can wake up at 40 and decide to be a free spirit one day. It would be extremely selfish and narcissistic to tell your family they have to go without so that you can prioritize working out (at middle age, especially).
I ran in college for an ACC school and did pretty well (not great), but enough to carry it into a serious marathon focus after graduation. I had a good job that was demanding, but as a young, single guy it was easy to knock out the 100 mpw I was running at the time. I got married relatively young (24) and my wife liked to work out as well. She wasn't a runner runner, but she ran or went to the gym every day. Still, she didn't understand why I needed to double or run long when I was no longer on a team.
There was friction at times, but we talked about it a lot and her brother inadvertently helped me out and honestly changed my life for the better with one offhand statement. We were sitting around one afternoon at her parents' house during the holidays and I said, "Well, I am going to go run so I can be ready for dinner tonight." I had run that morning, and my wife wanted me to skip my afternoon run. My brother-in-law looked at my wife and said, "If there is one thing I know is true in life, it is that smokers are gonna smoke, and runners are gonna run. Be glad you got a runner." Most women are going to listen to their older brothers and respect their opinions, especially when they're still young. My brother isn't a runner at all, but he is hyper successful and just a great dude. His words meant a lot to my wife.
Now fast-forward 25 years and I am no longer running 100 mpw but I wish I could. I love running and working out. Love it. But my work phone starts blowing up at 7am and goes non-stop until 10pm. I travel for work at least one week each quarter (not a lot, I know). And all three of my kids are highly athletic. As any parent of sporty teens knows, this means spending a bunch of time on sports fields, tracks, gyms, and - worst of all - in the car. Even if you're not doing overnight sports travel, there are practices and games all over the place. Add in school sports and it is a constant game of carpools, logistics, etc. I have one that drives herself, but we still want to watch her play. She goes to college next year and I am going to miss the soccer games, track meets, and tennis matches. I WANT to be there to watch her. So even on the weekends when work slows way down, it is really hard to find more than 45 minutes to knock out a run. I just gets hard, even if the will and the drive and the physical ability remain. In short, your own fitness becomes less of a virtue and more of a vice, at least for me. I stay fit, but not as fit as I would like.
Somehow, my wife remains super fit without working out a ton. Lots of running with the dog and combining activity with general chores.
Job isn’t going to come before my workouts. You got to prioritize your stuff early. And avoid having a buttload of children or getting a demanding job. Find something comfortable not a life sucking job.
Sorry, I know I surpassed my allotted number of words on the last post, but one other thing that I find helps a lot: no drinking on work travel. Just don't drink. I think half my colleagues think I am in recovery or something. Most of the time no one even notices.
When I travel for work, it does come with the typical cocktail hours, steak dinners, etc. I go to everything, of course, but I treat it as work. I eat healthy and order a NA beer (usually available everywhere now) or I just drink club soda with lime. I turn my work trips into major fitness boosters, even when I am super busy. I get up early and run (or hit the gym) and then MAKE myself go down to the gym before bed and get in another workout, even if it is a short one. I have been in the hotel gym after midnight many times. It sounds exhausting, but I promise it is better than waking up with a hangover. It has honestly been a good fitness hack for me. I come home after a few days and feel fitter, happier, and more productive ;)
Thanks. I do mean occasional. I think 4 glasses of wine total in 2025. Alcohol really will get you as you age if you don’t watch it.
At least 3 glasses of wine most nights, past 30 years. No issues at 57.
Run 6 days a week, workout at least every other day with weights or bodyweight exercises.
By my 70s I'll cut back, but no negative effects so far. Blood work great, cholesterol, BP, etc.
Bodyweight has remained stable. I'm exeception I guess, but I see no reason to stop. I have from time to time took a dry month as an experiment, but felt the same really.
I honestly have a hard time believing these studies regarding alcohol, I'm not buying it and believe moderate intake is healthy. Will continue being a oenophile for now.
It is easy to pick out the true middle-aged people who are married with kids in this thread. They speak the truth. Most of it comes down to a lack of "me" time and the evolution of life that creeps up on you.
It is super easy to say, "well I would never let my work impact my health," but then you find yourself with a mortgage, kids' sports fees, a wife asking for a vacation, a car that needs replacing, and the list goes on.... It's not like you can wake up at 40 and decide to be a free spirit one day. It would be extremely selfish and narcissistic to tell your family they have to go without so that you can prioritize working out (at middle age, especially).
I ran in college for an ACC school and did pretty well (not great), but enough to carry it into a serious marathon focus after graduation. I had a good job that was demanding, but as a young, single guy it was easy to knock out the 100 mpw I was running at the time. I got married relatively young (24) and my wife liked to work out as well. She wasn't a runner runner, but she ran or went to the gym every day. Still, she didn't understand why I needed to double or run long when I was no longer on a team.
There was friction at times, but we talked about it a lot and her brother inadvertently helped me out and honestly changed my life for the better with one offhand statement. We were sitting around one afternoon at her parents' house during the holidays and I said, "Well, I am going to go run so I can be ready for dinner tonight." I had run that morning, and my wife wanted me to skip my afternoon run. My brother-in-law looked at my wife and said, "If there is one thing I know is true in life, it is that smokers are gonna smoke, and runners are gonna run. Be glad you got a runner." Most women are going to listen to their older brothers and respect their opinions, especially when they're still young. My brother isn't a runner at all, but he is hyper successful and just a great dude. His words meant a lot to my wife.
Now fast-forward 25 years and I am no longer running 100 mpw but I wish I could. I love running and working out. Love it. But my work phone starts blowing up at 7am and goes non-stop until 10pm. I travel for work at least one week each quarter (not a lot, I know). And all three of my kids are highly athletic. As any parent of sporty teens knows, this means spending a bunch of time on sports fields, tracks, gyms, and - worst of all - in the car. Even if you're not doing overnight sports travel, there are practices and games all over the place. Add in school sports and it is a constant game of carpools, logistics, etc. I have one that drives herself, but we still want to watch her play. She goes to college next year and I am going to miss the soccer games, track meets, and tennis matches. I WANT to be there to watch her. So even on the weekends when work slows way down, it is really hard to find more than 45 minutes to knock out a run. I just gets hard, even if the will and the drive and the physical ability remain. In short, your own fitness becomes less of a virtue and more of a vice, at least for me. I stay fit, but not as fit as I would like.
Somehow, my wife remains super fit without working out a ton. Lots of running with the dog and combining activity with general chores.
Yeah, you’re absolutely right. My husband is an avid cyclist, and would love to ride a few hours every day, but it just isn’t realistic. Having kids is a huge adjustment for anyone, for the individuals in the relationship and for the relationship itself. My husband has compromised on his exercise time, but he still gets the KOMs in our area. It was very important for me to realize how important cycling is to him as a person. It makes him a happier husband. (It’s much better than having a husband who’s addicted to video games, in my opinion. Or, god-forbid, golf.) Likewise with me and running: it’s essential, though I no longer run marathons. We both stay fit and we set an example to our children that personal time is important, physical activity is part of mental health and well-being, and it gets them outside more.
This post was edited 12 minutes after it was posted.
Time and prioritizes - work / family / errands - like many pros and runners say, running is a selfish thing and it is hard to give up those other areas of life to be ok at running