Quitting drinking

DGL54 wrote:

I have a witching hour for booze: between the hours of 4 pm and 7 pm are the times I crave drinking the most. If I cannot drink during those hours, I'm good for the rest of the night

I believe this is a true for a lot of people, largely because of the habitual/routinized mechanical aspects that we become accustomed to. It's of course the alcohol itself that causes dependence, but the ritual of getting the bottle out, opening it, pouring a glass, swishing it around, having it with food, and so on contribute. I once heard a lecture where they talked about replicating the mechanistic action of drinking with club soda, for example, and you can satisfy the motor aspects of drinking.

I find that if I can make it to about 7pm or so that I don't have much urge to drink after that. 5-7pm is my tricky time.

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Did you mean wrote:

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So I've been lurking this thread pretty much since it started. I can relate to many of the posts on here. Here's my story:

I've been a daily drinker for about 12 years. During college, while running, I was able to keep it to 1-2 beers per day. After college, I continued to train heavily, running over 100 mpw so I rationalized it was OK to up the drinking since, "why not, I'll burn it off running this much". Drinking increased to 3-5 beers per day, more on the weekends sometimes even starting at 10am. I also got pretty big into the craft beer scene, so I start actively seeking out the 7%+ ABV beers, but hey, it's all about the taste, not the alcohol content, right? Around age 28, when I met my wife, I decided I should try and reduce consumption, which started the cycle of being able to reduce for a week or two, before going back to my normal routine. About age 30, I decide to start throwing in bourbon in my routine, and this is where the downward spiral really starts taking affect. I'm now finishing runs and re-hydrating with beer, because that's more refreshing than water. I'm married now, and start to hide liquor bottles in the garage, computer desk, and sneak swigs while the wife isn't looking. I'm drinking the beer in front of her, but hiding the pulls from the bourbon bottle so she doesn't know the full extent. I estimate I'm spending close to $150/week on alcohol alone. My running has taken a nosedive as I routinely skip runs to nurse a hangover. I'm getting drunk almost everyday, while getting blackout drunk probably twice per week. My wife expresses growing concern and this ends up being a recurring fight once every couple of weeks.

My breaking point was two days ago, Halloween. I had polished off 3 beers before she came home and I ended finishing half a bottle of bourbon before the night was through, by taking swigs when she wasn't looking, all while drinking 4 more beers. I couldn't even hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters. This resulted in me violently throwing up in the kitchen sink before breaking down to my wife saying that I needed help. Usually an episode like this would've landed me in the dog house for days. This time, she was incredibly supportive at my realization that I'm an alcoholic and I need to quit. In my complete drunken haze, I had a moment of crystal clear thinking that I need to stop before it kills my marriage, or it kills me.

I attended an AA meeting yesterday on November 1st and received my white chip. Incredibly supportive group there, and was pretty therapeutic to listen to others and their horror stories. I'm only on day 2 of sobriety, but I've made a commitment to quit this time, as opposed to simply cutting back. I can't cut back, if I have 1 drink, I have 6 drinks. I ran this morning (5am) and was dry heaving the whole way despite not touching a drop last night. Don't know how today will go just yet, but I've made a commitment to myself and my wife to give up drinking for good, and I hope to stick by it.

Great job for seeking help. That definitely takes some courage. My question is why do you feel the desire or need to drink?

I have been going on this trend where I don't drink for a week or two, which is a big achievement for me. But then I go to a gathering where social drinking is occurring, have a few drinks, and then drink every day for a few days until all the booze is out of my fridge, and then go sober for another week or two. Every time I go back on the minor binge, I feel like crap again and then cannot wait until the alcohol fog has lifted. Only when I am off the sauce do I realize how much alcohol has affected my life.

vivalarepublica wrote:

My question is why do you feel the desire or need to drink?

Hard to answer that with any logic. It's always just been assumed that I'll drink. Just finished a run? Time for a beer. Dinnertime? Time for a beer. Had a crappy day? Time for a beer. Had a great day? Time for a beer. It's Friday night? Time for a beer. It's Tuesday night? Time for a beer.

To be honest, I'm always able to find a reason to drink. To be even more frighteningly honest, I enjoy it as well (for a little bit anyway). I kept chasing the buzz, but never know when to call it a night and ALWAYS went overboard. And I always felt guilt and shame the next day, or even that night as well. As good as that buzz felt, the overwhelming feeling of guilt, shame, and anger would negate any good feeling I get from drinking. Once I came to that realization, I knew I needed to quit. It's going to be a complete change of mindset if I want this to stick, which is why I've sought outside help.

My time was Saturday mornings after a good track session...always continued throughout the day and into the evening, requiring a few naps along the way, only to wake up and resume until passing out around 10 pm. I would wake early in the morning craving beer, often would give in and pound a few beers even before breakfast. This is where I would sometimes lose control and continue drinking for days on end - no running, very little eating, of course no working. Over the holidays, I once spent 16 straight days lit up like a Christmas tree - sometimes passing out at 5 pm, waking at midnight and drinking until breakfast...almost all of the drinking done alone with my wife aware I was drinking, but oblivious to the extent of it. When I would eventually put the cork in the bottle after one of these binges, the withdrawal was hell on earth. Night sweats that could float a battle ship, super anxiety, vomiting, headaches, you name it. I could go on forever detailing these insane binges, but you get the picture - it was ugly. I was an decent regional runner, mid 14's and sub 31 but wouldn't run a step during these episodes.

I finally decided I was sick and tired of being sick and tired - that was 9 years ago, haven't touched a drop of the sh*tty poison since. No support groups, just my resolve to stop feeling like a POS.

Good luck to all!

vivalarepublica wrote:

Great job for seeking help. That definitely takes some courage. My question is why do you feel the desire or need to drink?

I don't think you are saying that someone must have an underlying issue to want to drink (self-medicating etc.), but I think there is that misconception that people drink because they have underlying "problems or issues". I think absolutely there are a lot of people who drink as a mechanism to cope with whatever issues they may have, but alcohol is an addictive substance which is also socially acceptable, and sometimes almost socially required. There are also people who started drinking just because it was "fun" but for whatever reason for that person they can't "control" their drinking and are prone to addiction. There have been plenty of studies and there is no singe cause for alcohol addiction. There are some factors that can contribute (psychological, behaviour and even genetic), but it's not like you can take a blood test or do a profile and determine before hand if a person will have a problem with alcohol. The unfortunate reality is that a certain amount of people, regardless of background, race, social class, intelligence, fitness, etc. will have a problem with alcohol. The really unfortunate part is that to find out if if you are susceptible to alcohol addiction is by trial and error. And then the very people who figure out by drinking that they can't drink, are the people who will have the hardest time quitting. Evil stuff.

This is a long way to say a commend all of the people here who have recognised they have a problem and have quit. Accepting that you have a problem is the first step. The next more important step is recognising that they have to stop drinking. And the next important step is recognising that you have to stop drinking forever. You got dealt a bad card, it isn't fair, but life isn't fair. You are just one of those unlucky people who can't drink. Nothing will magically change that will allow you to "drink a little" in the future. It is what it is. You can't drink. Your mind will try to tell you that you can drink again, because you want to, but your mind is lying to you to get what it wants. Just a tough tough road. I wish you guys all the best in your efforts to stay away from drinking, makes running seem easy!

This is absolutely correct! I forgot to mention that I attempted many times to "cut back" or to be more of a "social drinker". Too many times it was like sticking my hand into a bee-hive, thinking that "somehow, this time, I won't get stung".

One was too many, too many was never enough.

I managed 57 days off. Drinking now.

trying not to feel guilty or else this will spiral into self-destruction.

Ran 4 races, got 3 podiums. Amazing! Lost 16 lbs, stopped sweating like a pig, started sleeping more than 2 hours in a row.

Now drinking. Maybe it's just a day or two and I will go another 57 or more again.

Pablo - well done!

OP here... again... drinking wrote:

I managed 57 days off. Drinking now.

trying not to feel guilty or else this will spiral into self-destruction.

Ran 4 races, got 3 podiums. Amazing! Lost 16 lbs, stopped sweating like a pig, started sleeping more than 2 hours in a row.

Now drinking. Maybe it's just a day or two and I will go another 57 or more again.

Pablo - well done!

Sorry to hear that OP. The important thing now will be to make sure you don’t drink tomorrow. It’ll be tough but you can do it, think about how good you have felt and those races.

11 days off for me now, might not seem much but it is the longest (by a good way) that I have gone without drink for almost 6 years.

I know for a fact my anxiety is caused by alcohol. I can remember distinctly the first panic attack I had and it was after I started drinking at age 16. I never linked the two and multiple doctors and a therapist never even mentioned alcohol as a possible cause.

Every time I attempted to stop drinking, the week after would be the most depressing and anxious period you could ever imagine. I always went back to the booze. This time, I waited it out and I'm now just a couple days from a month without booze and I cannot tell you the difference! It took about two weeks for the anxiety to dissipate. It still comes but now it's way less intense and is gradually going away.

You owe it to yourself to try it and stick with it. It will change your life. I feel the way I did when I was 14 when I was happy and not worried or anxious about anything.

On another note, in one month my average training pace has gone from just over 6:30 a mile to under six, with this morning's 6am run being 5:46 a mile over 4 miles.

This sounds familiar. I drink because I think of it as a way to take the edge off and relax from whatever was bothering me. When I took a break from drinking, I came to realize that the drinking was actually the main cause of anxiety and creating more problems. Once I was off the sauce for awhile, everything seemed nicer, fresher, brighter, clearer, richer. I was happier than I had felt in years. My desire for alcohol went out the door and it just did not taste good anymore. I simply felt happy because I did not feel like I needed booze for the first time in a long time. The drinking was the cause of the anxiety and was not in any way a panacea for anxiety.

Running came easier, too. My training pace was under 7 min/mile within a week of coming back and racing pace was under 6 min/mile in two weeks. Never was that easy with the regular drinking.

Had some weak moments over the weekend, but have not had a drink for three days. The desire still is strong right now, but I will stay away from booze over the weekend and hope that I return to being free from the anxiety. Every day that I don't drink is a small victory.

Yea, finding any reason to have a drink. 1 or 2 drinks to unwind by yourself or hang out with friends turns into a six pack or half the bottle or more. Sounds about right.

I like drinking, too, it can just mundane activities a bit more fun (until the after effects kick in). Quitting is like losing a friend. But after a couple weeks off the sauce, without all the side effects of alcohol, it feels better than seeking that buzz every day. The crappy parts of drinking just don't seem better than the good parts of not drinking. I look at every day as a small victory.

Give yourself a chance to get there and see how it feels. I found it worth the initial trouble. Like Kipchoge says, self discipline is freedom.

Well, part of my statement is related to a re-framing of addiction that helped me reduce my drinking. Rather than calling it addiction, this doctor started calling it "ritualized compulsive comfort seeking behavior." In most cases, the doctor found that behavior was seeking comfort for an "adverse childhood experience." So the substance abuse was regular, almost a reflex, seeking comfort from something bothering the person, and basically a routine behavior. Myself and others use alcohol or something else as a form of therapy for a deeper issue that has bothered them for a long time. Of course, I realize that this may not apply in all cases of substance abuse addiction, but I found it applicable in my situation and those I know that have suffered from addiction (or even died). I also have an addictive, obsessive personality, and that is not a good combination with harmful behaviors.

I thought it would be great to reach a state where I can "drink a little", but that is a just a delusion that leaves a door open to old habits. Some weeks I have a couple drinks while with friends or after the softball game or whatever, and that's all I have for the week. Other weeks, the drinks with friends lead to a weekend binge that spills into the workweek. Then I feel like crap again, commit to taking a break, and then it starts all over again when I have another drink.

Everything is better without drinking and you forget that it is until you feel like carp again from drinking too much.

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Ya, I keep getting derailed by the "ritualized comfort" thing.

In the morning, it's no problem to say "no beers tonight." And to mean it.

Then on the way home from work, I've already convinced myself that it's OK. That I deserve a couple or three 16 ouncers. I'm to the point where I can watch myself doing it... going through the rationalization process.

And I'm convincing myself that I could control myself if I really wanted to, but I just don't really want/have to, so why not have a few beers?

And then we do it again tomorrow. I've literally been doing something like this for 6 months!

So tonight I'm posting this instead. I made it past the kwickiemart without stopping. Now, I'm posting this instead of drinking. I showered and changed into sleeping clothes to "make sure" I don't just go back out.

So I'm talking to myself on a message board. OK. But we'll call it "day 1."

Nah. Alcohol is my pal!

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