Quitting drinking

Former All-Amercant wrote:

Howdy,

Ran some fast times in college a couple of years ago and was an All-American a few times. I went to go work on Wall Street and have been grinding at a bank for nearly three years. Since I started work I have 3-4 beers each night before I go to bed when I'm home before midnight. I never get drunk but I am certainly buzzed. When I go out I still have just 3-4 beers and maybe a shot or two if its pushed on me. I haven't run since 2016.

Am I an alcoholic?

How do you feel about not drinking today? Or going a week dry?

My goal is to be a social drinker, but if I social drink a couple times in a week, it eventually leads to more drinking in between the social drinking. Would love to strike that balance, but it may not be for me.

On the other hand, I went out to dinner with my family and stopped at one beer and did not buy more when I got home. The beer did not even taste that good. So that was slight progress.

1 2 3 5 wrote:

Former All-Amercant wrote:

Howdy,

Ran some fast times in college a couple of years ago and was an All-American a few times. I went to go work on Wall Street and have been grinding at a bank for nearly three years. Since I started work I have 3-4 beers each night before I go to bed when I'm home before midnight. I never get drunk but I am certainly buzzed. When I go out I still have just 3-4 beers and maybe a shot or two if its pushed on me. I haven't run since 2016.

Am I an alcoholic?

How do you feel about not drinking today? Or going a week dry?

I am similar to you and I have the same question. Can you go a few days or a week dry without having a strong urge to drink?

I would drink to relax after a hard day. Then the drinking grew to being an urge that I had to satisfy and I would be restless until it was satisfied.

That's what I'm afraid of...that the social drinking leads to every day drinking. But, it's a hurdle I hope to overcome. Good job on only baving 1 beer and not buying more. In my previous drinking days, I would have bought more and chased it with whiskey and wine.

Trying again, the 2nd one wrote:

That's what I'm afraid of...that the social drinking leads to every day drinking. But, it's a hurdle I hope to overcome. Good job on only baving 1 beer and not buying more. In my previous drinking days, I would have bought more and chased it with whiskey and wine.

I thought about starting with a shot and moving to beer because I can't stand being around my family in a restaurant. You never know who will express judgment on the wait staff first! I should make a game out of it. But I knew that would be in poor taste in public.

I think drinking in moderation everyday is fine if you can still hold down your job and relationships.

Most people pick up bad habits in college partying or alcoholism runs in their family.

1 2 3 5 wrote:

Former All-Amercant wrote:

Howdy,

Ran some fast times in college a couple of years ago and was an All-American a few times. I went to go work on Wall Street and have been grinding at a bank for nearly three years. Since I started work I have 3-4 beers each night before I go to bed when I'm home before midnight. I never get drunk but I am certainly buzzed. When I go out I still have just 3-4 beers and maybe a shot or two if its pushed on me. I haven't run since 2016.

Am I an alcoholic?

How do you feel about not drinking today? Or going a week dry?

One day is fine. There are times when I'm in the office so late that I don't drink when I get home because I'll have to be back at my desk in a few hours. I think the longest I've gone without drinking is about a week when I was on a few live deals at once and had to be ready to go at a moments notice. That was a few months ago and I didn't really notice an urge to drink. However, the 3-4 beers a night has grown from 1 when I started working. I didn't drink much in college since I was pretty good about not drinking in season.

Yea quit in 19 years ago . Pretty easy just stopped and never tempted again. No big deal

vivalarepublica wrote:

Trying again, the 2nd one wrote:

The goal now is to prove I can be a social drinker (just weekends) and not get hammered every night.

My goal is to be a social drinker, but if I social drink a couple times in a week, it eventually leads to more drinking in between the social drinking. Would love to strike that balance, but it may not be for me.

Why do you both have a goal to be a social drinker? What does that achieve for you? Why not simply have a goal to not drink? You know drinking is a problem for you, why take unnecessary risks? You are setting yourselves up for failure. It sounds like the truth is that you really just don’t want to accept that you can’t have alcohol in your life, you still want to drink because you are an addict, and until you do accept that you can’t drink ever again you will never break free of your addiction. You’ll just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

My good friend was an alcoholic and I watched him destroy his life with the same sorts of rationalizations and compromises, which were just a refusal to accept he could never drink again. He was on a “social drinking only” phase when he killed himself driving drunk. The only safe amount for him was none. He just could never accept that - which was because his addiction made him want alcohol in his life. It was too hard to let go 100%. He always wanted to bargain with himself to allow some “safe amount” instead, but it was all just a lie and a game his mind played on him to avoid not being allowed alcohol.

If alcohol is a problem for you the best thing you can do for yourself is accept you can never drink again. Free yourself. Everything else is your addiction lying to you to get what it wants.

Yea, you are right.

I see what you're getting at, but I have to disagree. Not everyone is like your good friend. Plenty of people that I have known have started going down a road of drinking too much, realize they have a problem, and dial it back before it is too late. Sure, not everyone is capable of this, but I don't think complete abstinence from alcohol is necessarily the right approach for everyone. Social drinking has many benefits, including happiness. We shouldn't deprive ourselves that which makes us happy, as long as we can control ourselves.

Well, yeah...most of the things you stated is just repeating what a lot of us have been posting all these years. I do disagree that social drinking is not a worthy goal, though. I have proven that I can go without drinking. I have walked down the beer aisle and didn't even think about buying a six pack. I have been at brew pubs many times and ordered lemonades. The goal of social drinking is to prove that alcohol does not have power over me. That I can drink on a Friday night and not drink until the following Friday.

Checking in. I’ve had a troubled relationship with alcohol since the beginning. Started drinking occasionally in college, regularly at 21, then heavily between 23 and 25. My heavy drinking years were rock bottom. Went from good looking, muscular, and healthy, to depressed, anxious, balding, skinny fat shut in after a year. 4-5 drinks minimum on weekdays and god knows how many on weekends.

At 25, I met my oneitis and reduced my consumption considerably, but still a troubled relationship. Shaved my sad hair, bulked up, started running again, and hiking on weekends. Ditched my most toxic friendships. However, all along, I still drank too much far too often. Longest stretch without booze was two months and that ended in a comfortable night at a buddies house watching the ball game.

I was recently diagnosed with anxiety disorder and OCD and I’ve learned that my drinking, heavy and usually alone, is my way of self medicating. Despite significant incremental progress the past 3 years, I need to accept that despite being largely functional, I can’t drink at all; the risk of me slipping down the slippery slope is too great for me to continue. I’ve lost too much to drinking and had too many days where death seems a preferable alternative to hangover anxiety. All of the worst moments of my life since 18 are because I chose to drink.

I’m scared moving forward because I’ve been in this position too many times before. Day 2, where the memories of how destructive my drinking is are still fresh and my body is snapping back to wellness after a clean diet, plenty of sleep, and great session in the gym. However, if history proves to be too much to overcome, sometime by day 7, 21, 28, or 90, a seemingly benign lunch with a friend or day at my parents cabin will find me drinking yet another drink.

I’m hoping I find the strength to keep with it this time. It’s funny because last Sunday, I drank 5 IPAs alone before 3 pm. I stopped them, and by Wednesday of last week after a wonderful nights sleep, I wondered why I tortured myself when not drinking felt that good. Then Friday night at the gym rolled around, ran into some high school buddies on the way out who were grabbing a round. Of course, I joined them. 4 hours later, I’m smashed, in a bar on the wrong side of town, the HS buddy is out in the backseat of car in the parking lot with a married woman, and I’m listening to some bar floozie wax nostalgic for her deadbeat ex. Luckily, I only drank that night and I went home alone, but upon waking up to my worst hangover in years, the shame of the company I kept the night before made me want to vomit.

So here I am at day 2... I’ve changed gyms and I’m planning a camping trip for next weekend to keep me away from temptation. History has proven I’ll probably fail again at some point, but I figure a life marked by tragic failure of trying and failing is better than the complete hell I experienced at rock bottom.

Good luck everyone, I know I’ll need it.

I think he's right, though. It may have seemed like I have a goal of social drinking, but I realize "social drinking" is just a gateway to more drinking. You have a couple beers with friends, and then you think to yourself that maybe I could get six pack, only have a couple, and relax on this Sunday. But I know that I will not stop at 2, I probably will drink the whole thing. So it's best not to get the six pack. Or believe in the idea of social drinking with friends.

Hey friend, I know I’m on thin ice giving anyone advice after living like you for most of my 35 adult years...and only being sober for 18 days now. But I will anyway:

I believe you should consider going to an AA meeting, if for no other reason than you will find the unconditional support and understanding so therapeutic. As I posted before, I was taken completely off guard by this, but for me it is everything. A lot of your post rang true for me, and if I went to my next meeting and said something similar, people would nod, and they would understand. Meanwhile there’s nowhere else I could go and no one else I could speak to for whom that would be true.

All the AA god talk is really an obstacle for me, but I’ve decided to work around it because I don’t believe I can stay sober without a support group and if I keep drinking it’s going to kill me.

I wish you peace and strength.

Well, I have cut down my drinking to probably two drinks a week at slow pitch softball night. Feels pretty f-ing good, like I am a new person. Rather than the drinking controlling me, I feel like I can control the drinking. I have fully come to realize how much I was self medicating with alcohol for longer than I can remember.

I need to cut it down to zero drinks per week, because even 1 or 2 nights of a couple drinks is a like a gateway to normalizing more drinking. You think to yourself that "oh, I can handle this many drinks fine, I am okay to buy a six pack for the weekend to kick back and relax." Before you can say I am not an alcoholic, 1 or 2 nights a week becomes 4 or 5 nights a week and you are back to old habits.

Anyways, proud of my progress and just wanted to share.

Similarly, because of this thread I have been inspired to cut out drinking during the week. I still allow myself to drink Fri/Sat/Sun but I don't go crazy and limit myself on those days as well. Once I got to the point where I was not drinking (4 days) more than I was drinking (3 days) out of the week, I felt pretty good. I do think it is about being in control that is critical. I'd like to eliminate it altogether, but baby steps.

I'm a wine guy, mostly wine. I do drink one beer a night mostly on hot days, almost never in Fall or winter. I never touch the harder stuff. I can easily drink 1+ litre of mostly red a night. Why? Well, I currently live alone - in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend in a different city. I have been doing this for many years - in my 50's now. I drink because I'm bored and lonely. My job is not stressful. I fully realize I have a problem with alcohol. It gives me hangovers and my running has suffered -

I used to be a morning runner, but now run after work.

I rationalize the crap out of my drinking - it's only wine! I only drink at night with dinner! The French drink more than I do! It's good for me! I never drink and drive! etc...

When I do go on the wagon, what helps me stay sober and off the red stuff is understanding my triggers. I have a witching hour for booze: between the hours of 4 pm and 7 pm are the times I crave drinking the most. If I cannot drink during those hours, I'm good for the rest of the night - I never drink during the mornings or afternoons, even on holidays. So, I try to stay out of the house during those hours keeping myself occupied.

Weekends are harder, but I schedule my running session late in the day.

The goals is to eventually stop drinking and the journey has started, again. It's not a cliché to say that admitting you have a problem and you must stop is a huge first step, so congratulations to everyone on this thread who have acknowledged their problem with alcohol and vow to slow or stop drinking. Good luck!

sdfasdfasdfdsfsd wrote:

Similarly, because of this thread I have been inspired to cut out drinking during the week. I still allow myself to drink Fri/Sat/Sun but I don't go crazy and limit myself on those days as well. Once I got to the point where I was not drinking (4 days) more than I was drinking (3 days) out of the week, I felt pretty good. I do think it is about being in control that is critical. I'd like to eliminate it altogether, but baby steps.

To be brief, I don't think this is a realistic goal. Drinking only on weekends can still be a problem if you are drinking heavily, it negatively affects your life, and it creeps into the weekdays because of the dependence you have built up on the weekends.

I actually took somewhat of an opposite approach. I challenged myself to not drink on weekends, because I would waste away entire weekends by drinking Friday night and then starting again each afterrnokn. When the work week rolled around, I challenged myself to not drink on the weekdays.

Soon enough, the positive effects of not drinking were strong enough to discourage me from drinking. I kept those in mind whenever I wanted to make a quick stop for a six-pack to "kick back and relax."