My PhD student friend is 32 and waiting tables to pay rent. What a dummy.

Red Pill Giver wrote:

premature wrote:

This could potentially be a valid point if she's still waiting tables after she gets her PhD, but she does not have a PhD at this point, so "she didn't get a PhD with this goal in mind" is not currently a valid argument.

She has had a masters for many years. She probably went back for the Ph.D. because she couldn't do better than waiting tables, thinking the education, not her, was the problem. That is why we are trying to help her realize her failures so she doesn't keep repeating them.

You're making a lot of assumptions, here. Unless I missed something, I don't see any evidence that this person was waiting tables before returning for her PhD. We also don't even know how much time she's spending on that endeavor or what her motives are. For all we know, she's picking up one 4-hour shift per week so that she can live in a nicer place than she could otherwise afford. Perhaps she would get by just fine without the serving gig, but just likes having the extra cash and doesn't mind (or even enjoys) spending a few hours of her weekend waitressing.

Red pill giver wrote:

zzzzzzz wrote:

Another way to look at it is that she achieved an impressive goal (a Ph.D in any field is a big accomplishment no matter how you slice it), is supporting herself just fine, and has extra money to do fun stuff like travel. You can't your million dollars with you when you die.

I don't know how you can say that with a straight face. A useless Ph.D. is not an accomplishment and she is not supporting herself fine, she's in debt. These life choices should be ridiculed so others don't make the same mistake.

0.4/10 keep trying and keep reading your Ayn Rand

If she's making "only" $80K a year and is still single with no kids, she's probably doing fine.

my friend is a waiter and made $72k last year.....you don't need to follow the conventional path like you obviously have. i feel sorry for you. i bet you've never taken a vacation longer than 10 days at your post college job....sad really we can retire in Mexico with no children and live like royalty

what a sucka wrote:

She spent 3.5 years getting a master's (mastered out of a PhD program since there were issues with her adviser), then she started a PhD with another prof. Now she is almost 32 with a net worth of nothing, is serving tables on the side in order to pay rent, and will be 35 by the time she's done with her PhD. Geezus Christ. Can you say "opportunity cost"? What a waste. These types have some serious ego problems.

what a sucka wrote:

She spent 3.5 years getting a master's (mastered out of a PhD program since there were issues with her adviser), then she started a PhD with another prof. Now she is almost 32 with a net worth of nothing, is serving tables on the side in order to pay rent, and will be 35 by the time she's done with her PhD. Geezus Christ. Can you say "opportunity cost"? What a waste. These types have some serious ego problems.

Somebody failed their GRE.

People who think about money about peasants. A gentleman can never have enough learning

zzzzzzz wrote:

Lots of people drive for Uber or Lyft on the side to make extra cash.

Sounds like her biggest problem so far is a friend who has contempt for her life choices.

Well, based on her choice of "friends", her judgement isn't very good.

Another way to look at it is that she achieved an impressive goal (a Ph.D in any field is a big accomplishment no matter how you slice it), is supporting herself just fine, and has extra money to do fun stuff like travel. You can't your million dollars with you when you die.

You are right, I can't take it with me, but my kids can take what's left and I will be able to retire about twenty years earlier than she will. Heck, my young kids each already have a net worth more than she makes in a year.

what a sucka wrote:

She spent 3.5 years getting a master's (mastered out of a PhD program since there were issues with her adviser), then she started a PhD with another prof. Now she is almost 32 with a net worth of nothing, is serving tables on the side in order to pay rent, and will be 35 by the time she's done with her PhD. Geezus Christ. Can you say "opportunity cost"? What a waste. These types have some serious ego problems.

I assume you were hoping to get a bunch of replies saying she's an idiot, and that would make you feel better?

Be honest - how many times have you asked her out and gotten denied? You gave yourself away with describing 'these types' as having 'some serious ego problems.' That's been man-speak for hurt feelings for about 4,000 years.

joedirt wrote:

Another way to look at it is that she achieved an impressive goal (a Ph.D in any field is a big accomplishment no matter how you slice it), is supporting herself just fine, and has extra money to do fun stuff like travel. You can't your million dollars with you when you die.

You are right, I can't take it with me, but my kids can take what's left and I will be able to retire about twenty years earlier than she will. Heck, my young kids each already have a net worth more than she makes in a year.

What you got your kids on double shift paper routes? Lemonade stands outside the church every weekend?

She probably isn't really your friend. She is just polite and you don't really get the subtle "fvck off" vibes she gives you. When you're not around she talks about how lame you are and how you just won't go away. Or you barely know her but assume every server that talks to you likes you or something idiotic....You probably call yourself an "alpha male" and read sites about "game" etc.

what a sucka wrote:

She spent 3.5 years getting a master's (mastered out of a PhD program since there were issues with her adviser), then she started a PhD with another prof. Now she is almost 32 with a net worth of nothing, is serving tables on the side in order to pay rent, and will be 35 by the time she's done with her PhD. Geezus Christ. Can you say "opportunity cost"? What a waste. These types have some serious ego problems.

3 f ucking pages and not one of you asks for PICS?

You sound like a bitter loser who's settled for a mediocre career with mediocre wages in a crap town, etc. Getting a Ph.D. is generally a very worthy pursuit and accomplishment, even in the humanities. I went to a top 50, not top 10 university (in my field). Of my cohort, everyone who finished the degree (all but two people and one of those two had to quit due to a freakish turn of events) has a tenure-track position at a research 1 or state university and we graduated in 2013 and 14 so it's not even been that long. Because I worked full time as I finished my Ph.D., I ended up making about $140k/year working in the arts and at 33 bought a home in the most expensive region in the country. I gladly left that position when I landed my professorship and am doing really well. Didn't pay a dime for the Ph.D., by the way. They paid us to teach remedial classes. Now I direct grad students, set my own schedule, still make a good salary, publish regularly, work as an historical consultant and editor for a major academic press, and get to work with the true heavyweights in my field. Most of the people who finished humanities doctorates at my university have similar outcomes. No loans, good jobs, interesting work, and we're all pretty young still.

Obviously anybody can make terrible choices but most people who complete a Ph.D. in any field are smart enough to avoid disastrous life choices. If they can't, it's not the degree that's their problem.

I think you should suspend judgment. Others have brought up all the reasons your friend might be doing perfectly well as is. Then there's the possibility that with the degree, especially if she's in English or some other general field where the academic job market is relatively solid, or some super-specific field where there's little competition, she might very well land her dream job in a year or two. My experience (see above) is that Humanities Ph.Ds are doing much better than the alarmist internet articles would have you believe.

On the other hand, she might be making a complete mess of her life. But plenty of people with lesser degrees and no degrees do that every day. So why the focus on PhDs? It sounds like you have something irrational and personal against academia or against this girl because she friend-zoned you.

Live your life. Be easier on your friends. They'll enjoy you more.

Then a useless sub 4 is also not an accomplishment?

Maybe she likes school. And here's the thing with women. You can marry up. She should start looking for a multimillionaire and immediately pump out some kids. She's set for life.

joedirt wrote:

You are right, I can't take it with me, but my kids can take what's left and I will be able to retire about twenty years earlier than she will. Heck, my young kids each already have a net worth more than she makes in a year.

Sure, but that also may be an acceptable trade-off for her. Smart, capable people often choose career paths that aren't aimed at maximizing financial security, and that choice doesn't make them delusional saps.

People who have to work during their PhD are getting a useless PhD. Real programs pay your bills and then some. The combination of my stipend and significantly subsidized housing gives me more disposable income than my $62k/yr salary job.

In the case of this woman she spent the extra time in school solely so that people would have to refer to her as doctor (it truly gained her nothing in terms of pay / career prospects). She just needed to feed her own insecurities.

zzzzzzz wrote:

Sure, but that also may be an acceptable trade-off for her. Smart, capable people often choose career paths that aren't aimed at maximizing financial security, and that choice doesn't make them delusional saps.

sbeefyk1 wrote:

People who have to work during their PhD are getting a useless PhD. Real programs pay your bills and then some. The combination of my stipend and significantly subsidized housing gives me more disposable income than my $62k/yr salary job.

Again, there is really nothing to indicate that she has to work on the side. Anyone making any amount of money can decide they want more.