Don't act too soon wrote:
My advice is to wait it out and not act to soon before confronting her.
I have been a coach/trainer for about 5 years, and yes, there have been times when I have been very flirty with athletes. On occasion, some of them were married or in LTRs. I only slept with married women twice, but both are still with their husbands.
Do you want some sort of congratulations for your "restraint"?"
qwert12 wrote:
Wife and I have very simple rules...no texting the opposite sex unless we both know the person and for good reason.
no 'friending' or 'following' anyone unless we both know them.
no running with opposite sex unless part of a group and we both know them.
Sounds like you really trust each other
Sometimes it is less of an issue of trust, and more an issue of recognizing that temptation is difficult to resist and is a slippery slope that you go down one step at a time, not always realizing it.
I do not really care - but.......divorce is a business decision, marriage is not. You will soon be divorced (for all kinds of reason). Start preparing now.
Join her running group, use it as an easy day. See what's up.
The fact you posted something like this here is a betrayal to her for one.
The fact that you are unable to have this conversation with your wife but happy to have it with strangers is a reflection of your inability to communicate with her for two.
The fact that you knew she was BORED and did not do anything for three.
You are out of shape, get in shape for four.
She might be gay? Five.
The all might be bi? Six.
She might be bored with you? Seven. Do you think you are boring lately?
Why don't you do some home making? Eight.
Context "I can't stand seeing you with him" Who sent it the trainer or the girlfriend? Nine.
Ten. GET SOME CAJONES AND TALK TO YOUR WIFE.
For example.
I am a dick, I have been reading your texts. Checking your phone when you got drunk and passed out. I am not that hot right now, I can't blame you if that trainer is a hunk of spunk because right now I look like shit but I love you.
Are you a lesbian? If you are that is ok.
Are you bi? If you are can I join in?
Are you bored being a house wife? I don't blame you, it looks boring that is why I don't do it but I should do it. In fact we should share it.
I know you don't want to run with me, is it because I am boring and too fat now or is it because we have run out of anything to talk about that is interesting? I am boring aren't I?
Let's get drunk.
I think it's going to be hard to get over the initial "yes i took your phone and read through your texts." She's going to immediately be on the defensive. Otherwise I agree that having an open, frank, nonjudgmental conversation about the marriage is the way to go.
Nice faithful guy wrote:
Smoove wrote:A more recent study:
"In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that 70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well."
So this means there is a 70% chance my wife cheated or is cheating on me?
Not good
I read a critique of these studies and there were lots of issues with methodology the main one being that the respondents were not random and not representative of the population. I have no idea if that holds for this study, but I would be cautious.
In one study on men, one man had been married 3x and cheated on all three wives. He was counted 3x.
zzzzzzz wrote:
I think it's going to be hard to get over the initial "yes i took your phone and read through your texts." She's going to immediately be on the defensive. Otherwise I agree that having an open, frank, nonjudgmental conversation about the marriage is the way to go.
I think the first sentence is spot on. You were wrong to look so she can hold that against you.
A question as simple as "Are you happy?" can be a good start. Then "Is the marriage fulfilling"? At some point it needs to be open-ended questions.
Rheinhold Cacoethes wrote:
qwert12 wrote:Wife and I have very simple rules...no texting the opposite sex unless we both know the person and for good reason.
no 'friending' or 'following' anyone unless we both know them.
no running with opposite sex unless part of a group and we both know them.
Sounds like you really trust each other
Or, one of them made the stupid rule.
Either way, lots of problems op isn't mentioning.
Agree that they are often not rigorous studies, although the Kinsey studies were about as good as any done in the field at the time.
People do dirt, was the gist of it. If you think he or she was cheating, the odds are good that they were.
But if you have kids, that changes the entire equation. While you may not have been willing to look past infidelity in a childless relationship, you might look past it if you have kids. Maybe it is selfish, but I would do my best to forgive my wife if she cheated on me because I would want to be with my kids every night; however, I would not stay with her if I could not forgive her as I would not want to model an angry relationship full of hurt for my children.
Text the dude from your wife's phone telling him you are her husband and that if he doesn't back off you'll beat him up.
The best way to solve a problem is the cut the head off the snake. I hate how couples fight with each other in these situations. It's the person who is texting them that should feel your wrath. Most times the spouse doesn't know the other person wants to sleep with them. Your wife might get upset, but the evidence will be obvious when the dude stops texting her. She will wonder why and then you can explain because he had a motive and now he does not because you stepped in.
Or, you can join this training group too.
Nice faithful guy wrote:
So this means there is a 70% chance my wife cheated or is cheating on me?
Not good
You are looking at it wrong, there is also a 72% chance you got some strange!!
OP, whatever you end up doing, making sure you report back here. We are dying to know which bit of bad advice you took.
The real numbers for marital infidelity appear to be far smaller, more on the order of 10-12%, while unmarried women living with men had a 20% chance of infidelity:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/03/22/how-common-is-cheating-infidelity-really/
Sign up for the same group she's in. Problem solved.
Elite hobby jogger = smartest retard
A lot of these posts are absurd. Confront your wife in a calm and open manner ASAP. Don't accept anything other than honesty and an apology. If she's willing to admit she's made a mistake, and that she'll work on improving your relationship and leave that "friend" and sleaze behind, then you can move on, but it won't be easy. Otherwise, have some self respect and separate yourself from an undeserving person.
As for the phone dilemma, c'mon... If she cares, that's ridiculous in the context of what she's doing, you were suspicious and had reason to be and you wanted to be sure before you blew things out of proportion. I think it's unhealthy to be secretive about a phone with someone you're supposed to trust...
This is a very conservative approach. I personally would break it off unless I was 100% convinced she felt horrible and was groveling at my feet for forgiveness. You'll never forget this happened... she f***ed up.
(This is all assuming you haven't done anything like this yourself in the past.)
jjjjjj wrote:
The real numbers for marital infidelity appear to be far smaller, more on the order of 10-12%, while unmarried women living with men had a 20% chance of infidelity:
Under reported. There's a shame component that drives responses way down.
My wild guess is 50%. The definition of cheating tends to vary with the cheater. Actual sex cheating, my conservative guess is 30%.
Ladies of LRC, care to chime in?
Whose is the primary account holder on her phone?
If you are, get a detailed transcript from the phone company.
If you are not, you need evidence another way.
You need that.
Beware of her creating a situation inciting domestic violence, whether it be verbal or physical abuse. Be ready to walk away from her, taking the kids with you, with evidence of her adulltery already in your lawyer's hands. Make sure you have your own copies.
Look, if you did this to her under your current circumstances, she would likely screw you royaly in the family court system. It's bullshit to give your spouse a pass just because she's a woman. Get your evidence, get it to the BEST lawyer, and be ready to file with one day's notice.
Be ready to file and kick her out of the house.
Set the standard for devotion to your family by not tolerating members who would weaken it.
Adults and children, dedicated to their family.
it is precious.
Tough love.
Her friend is a piece of s***, and a bad influence.
If you want to be bold and take a chance, confront all three of them together in the manager's office at the gym. Do it calmly, firmly, and look each one in the eye. File for legal separation THAT DAY with the children in your custody.
Can't stand up for yourself?
Be prepared to be screwed over emotionally and financially.