Phidippides was the FASTEST marathoner that EVER LIVED!!

The story you wrote was both fun and inspiring, and too, I hope mine are.

BUT - I, Gaylord Focker do not want my SKILLS put to the test. I am content and hopeful that some of you enjoyed the stories that were written by me.

Lest we not forget, some go by strictly by history, while others choose to dream...

Focker- your tale was the best thing to be posted on these forums, perhaps ever. I copied and saved, thank you.

Long live the spirit of a dreamer.

?? all good things are wild and free.? Thoreau.

g.f.

I'll have to second j.l. on this one. You've produced some damn fine stuff here. There haven't been many interesting threads lately, but this one's kept me coming back for more.

Keep on dreamin'

C'mon, Mr. Focker-man, give us some more. This is like waiting for the next Harry Potter to come out. Don't abandon your fans yet...

It is well known that the Spartans were all homosexuals. There was some bizarre theory at the time that a man would be a much better fighter if he had a male lover. I'm being serious. WTF is up with that?

The term "Gates of Fire" makes me think they ate too much spicy food before their "reunions".

about a kid who told a joke. He told it over and over and over again until it became stale.

Let me tell you the story of Asinine Aesop.

http://mm.dfilm.com/mm2s/mm_route.php?id=794174

Don't be like Aesop.

GF- That may be the funniest, most unexpected thing I've ever witnessed. I laughed more than I had in week. And wait... does this mean... MORE DIP STORIES???

Pete, J-Lo, Scott, et al., thanks for the interest you have/had, but I think this postmodern tale of Dip has just about "run it's course." Maybe I'll think up another one some time. Who knows.

Keep on runnin' friends!

I'm somewhat dissapointed... but I can understand. If ever another tale of dip or otherwise comes to your mind, make sure to post it here!

I plan to add your real name, ryan, to my website... so credit doesn't lie only w/ focker. That's okay right?

Ryan, very cool reply to Anonymous Aesop!

I wouldn't doubt your brain cells are running (hey, I punned) a little low after that terrific Dip series. I do a fair amount of expository writing...but might think of a little fiction to take up the slack.

How lucky you are to make j-lo's site!

thanks for some fine entertainment!

so you're telling me that your name is gay focker!

What brand of shoes was he wearing and might he have been wearing butthuggers? Didn't most guys go both ways back then?

J-Lo - Feel free to use my real name on your website.

BTW - most people probably know this, but for those that don't, Gaylord Focker was Ben Stiller's character name in the comedy movie Meet The Parents. I thought the name was funny as was the flick.

Have fun and stay injury free.

History knows of a being that was more than a mere man, tougher than a decorated soldier, and greater than a modern day army of one. Before nuclear warheads, dirty bombs, biological or chemical warfare, there was the original WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION. It was called Phidippides.

Something was brewing and this WMD knew it. It was the dawn of the most vehement of tempests; the storms and tides of war were shifting onward to Dip's location in the Mediterranean region called Marathon. He had a keen perception, call it a sixth sense that would make the hairs on his skin stand up on end when impending danger was at hand. He was overcome by that sensation and a near apocalyptic encounter would soon take place. But when or with whom exactly was an uncertainty.

Several hours had passed when a thunderous rumble of marching warriors could be heard drawing closer. Out over the rolling landscape, the fore of the mighty Persian Empire Army could be witnessed crossing the threshold into Marathon territory. We all know the dangers of CROSSING THE THRESHOLD. From afar their appearance could be compared to that of legions of ants pacing in lockstep. However, up close and in combat their deadliness could be compared to that of a swarm of killer bees on the raid.

The inspirited Dip clutched his fist, panned it across the distant war machine and boldly responded with "Damn Persians must be tired of LIVIN'!" The townspeople had minimal time to prepare, but they hurriedly grabbed weapons and manned their battle positions. Dip rushed immediately for the war chest. He rifled through it and found a trusty sword, some spears, slingshots, two BB guns, a collection of old Track & Field News mags, and a CD of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Oh how he loved "The Zephyr Song."

War was on. Bodies were dropping cold and lifeless. Contrary to what some historians tell us, Dip did not go unchallenged and actually at one point his demise seemed nigh. Even the best of the best get shaken and rocked at some time in their lives. Just one commanding thrust of the blade and an enemy could have preempted the exalted legend right then and there. If so, there would be no tales to tell of and no recognized race distances of 26.2 miles today. But reflex took over and Dip responded with something that was instilled in him while he was home schooled as boy.

Wrought and crafted from the art of combat's sacred hands, Dip nonchalantly answered with "Look, YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED!!" It may have been the oldest trick in the book, "How to Off an Enemy in 101 Ways," but it worked. Velcro wasn't invented yet and since culture and fashion in that region of the world was then ahead of the curve, it would never have been in style anyway. That provided all the advantage he needed. As the opponent glanced down at his laces, Dip struck with convincing vengeance and the victim's head rolled. The enemy let a would-be forced checkmate go unnoticed and for that careless slip up, had paid the ultimate price: death.

Unfortunately the Persians had not realized that the battle was lost even before it began. Dip's earlier assertion proved essentially correct. Slain Persian fighters were strewn about in such high numbers that the earth beneath had been completely obscured. Spilt blood and souls of the damned overflowed as a river. Not all enemy soldiers were tired of living as was evidenced by the remaining few survivors who listened to logic as it said to retreat and regroup. Never short of words the heroic Dip belted out with sarcastic fervor, "Go home and CRY to your MOMMIES..." Off they went.

Fast forward thousands of years and they may have built 'em bigger, but they've never built 'em badder than the original WMD Phidippides.

THAT's what I'm talking about.

What took you so long, man?

Pete,

Just been really busy the last few months. I'm sure there's more Dip archives to be found somewhere.

Give us another installment, man!