If Running Shoe Brands Were People At a Party

Well done!

Sketchers is the penny-pinching blogger girl that buys affordable, yet comfy, clothing at Target. But the clothes don't last that long because they aren't high quality.

I hear you. Meb uses bespoke Skechers.

PartyMonger wrote:

Nike is in the backyard, in the grass, barefoot doing a keg stand and will black out by 10 PM and have to be escorted to a minivan where he will wake up at 1 am in an In N Out drive thru with his friends and order a strawberry milkshake and immediately throw it up.

That Nike description is oddly specific.

Nike – guy who hosts the party and is overly social but deep down insecure. Plans to hook up with the hottest women at the party but will really be glad to take anything he can get at the end of the night. Dresses up in the latest matching swoosh gear, thinking it will be impressive to women, but all it does is make him look like a douche

Adidas – guy who marches to the beat of his own drum and thinks he’s anti corporate but has no idea that he’s just as establishment as anyone else. Wants to seem like he doesn’t care about anything but everyone sees through it and can tell he cares about his image more than anyone.

Asics – rolls up in an 80’s track suit to be ironic, but looks like a clown to everyone

Hoka – stands around the party talking about how much he loves cross-fit and it changed his life, just like his Hoka shoes did. Manages to make every story anyone tells, about himself, and cross fit of course.

Newton – guy telling anyone who will listen about the latest fad diet he is on (atkins, south beach, paleo, etc) and how anyone who isn’t trying it, its being blinded by “the man”. Also always discussing how this relates to triathlon training.

Merrell – see Newton above… but trying to outdo Newton guy

New Balance – woman at the party who looks cute and is a little shy. Trying to find a husband at every event she goes to so has all her makeup done and her hair perfected. Way too high on her standards though and finds fault in every guy she meets (which is actually reasonable at this party anyhow)

Brooks – woman at the party who thinks she is above every guy here. Working her way up in the corporate world and doesn’t need a man in her life. Independent woman who pays her own bills and thinks all guys just want to keep her down (and barefoot and pregnant)

Reebok – 80’s looking style guy who drove a rusty trans am to the party and wears a jeans jacket. Staring down Asics guy for trying to ironic, because Reebok guy is actually legit 80’s

Mizuno – nerdy guy in the corner who is the definition of a wallflower. Stands there by the music and queues up music for the playlist while sipping a craft beer he doesn’t actually like but wants desparetly to fit in

Sketchers – woman at the party who idolizes Kara Goucher and thus is decked out in Oiselle gear, looking like she is ready to go to yoga. Dreaming of motherhood and running with a baby stroller in a white picket fence suburb. Sizing up every guy for compatibility and genetics.

Altra – overweight woman at the party who has clothes on that are too tight and make her uncomfortable but wants to fit in with the group. Likely will end up going to bed with Nike guy when he gets desperate at the end of the night, but she will fall in love only to be heartbroken in the morning when she wakes up and finds him freaking out

Nike - He is better then you and he knows it. He tries hard to be nice, but is arrogant anyway. Host the party, has nice things, and you want to hate him. But you can't; because deep down you want to be him.

Adidas – Came up rich, good looking, and well educated. In college he was on a lax scholarship when he partied his way out of school. After a rough patch of drinking his dad sat him down and got him to go back to school. He has some crazy ideas, but the bloodline and looks are still there. He maybe the coolest guy at the party that night or the worst. He is very hit or miss depending if he is drinking.

Asics – She went to private school and everyone knows it. Not because she says it, but she just has class. She is a 7 in looks, 8 in brain power, and knows what conversations she should get into. She makes a good living, but isn't looking to move up.

Hoka – Sheldon Cooper

Newton – Jonny Blaze back in college, he comes in wearing a tshirt and a funny blazer. You have no idea how he has made it this far, but people like him. You still haven't had a conversation with him, but you are glad he is here. Dude is always smiling.

Merrell – I don't know who that is, he or she came?

New Balance – Married Asics. Good guy, runs a small hedge fund, very happy with what he makes, and not looking to expand.

Brooks – He is Texas A&M of people. He is smart, has a good job, and is making moves. He dresses well, has a nice house, and 90% of the time you like him. The problem is he is 5'5 and has little man's syndrome. He is paranoid everyone is out to get him, and he is always telling people how he is better then Nike. He acts like the little brother in the room.

Reebok – This is your bro Danny. Back in high school Danny was the man. He played one year of college football and flunked out of school. In the last few years he has found his niche and turned his life around. He has decided to stay in his lane, instead of take over things he doesn't know about.

Mizuno – She is an Expat from Japan. Very attractive, wears really colorful and cool stuff, but isn't the style in America. Everyone is interested in talking to her, but when she drinks too much she gets a little handsy.

Sketchers – This girl has made a living copy all of us. We should hate this dude, but can't. Just the nicest person and even though she is not cool at all, we still want her around for some reason.

Altra – Came with Reebok, I think they may be dating. Not sure if it is a dude or chick.

Puma- Best dressed guy here. Flashy, fun, crazy, and hard partying. He use to be your best friend in college, but now your wife won't let you be seen with him in public. He's 41 and still dates 21 year olds. He will never grow up, but also never wants to.

Oiselle- This is the crazy girl at the party. She went to a state school and is still mad at her dad about it. At first glance she is a 10, but as soon as she opens her mouth you hate her. She came with Brooks, but he wasn't paying attention to her. So, she went and gave Newton a hand job in the bathroom. She will make sure everyone knows about it by the end of the night.

What about Hoka?

I think Things to do in Bham nailed it for Nike, adidas, Asics, and Brooks, but I loved this thread so much that I had to throw in my two cents.

Nike - Is actually 2 people, which explains why Nike's presence is so large.

Nike guy has all the latest toys, shows up in a nice car, and is nice to everyone's face, but you get the impression that he thinks you don't matter. Several people swear they saw him doing coke in plain sight, but he's just too good at networking to kick him out of your social circle.

Nike girl is the girl that everyone wants to be with. She's always been beautiful, and probably always will be. She's level-headed and feminine, and still easy to talk to, despite a lifetime of being hit on. She insists that she and Nike guy are just friends, but you wonder why they keep showing up together.

adidas - This guy helped engineer the party, and helped set up decorations. He's great at creating the party, but not great at partying itself. When someone makes a joke, he doesn't always get it.

Reebok - You have a lot of great memories of hanging out with Reebok, and he was practically the man back in the day. Now you see him in surprisingly plain clothes for a guy who used to make so much money. He keeps asking everybody to leave the party and come back to his place to see all his cool stuff. Years ago you would have done it, but these days you just don't believe him. Something weird happened to that guy, but you'd rather not ask what.

New Balance - The ultimate middle class champion: He'll never go above because he's better at executing than starting a trend, but will never fall below because he's too resourceful. He's actually a tinkerer, and seems to be able to make a lot of different things that no one else is for whatever reason. He's helpful, and useful if you aren't sure where to turn, but you can't remember the last time he made an emotional impact on you, good or bad.

Brooks - He shops at the Good Will, but has done a surprisingly good job putting together a wardrobe on such a small budget. He makes the best of what he has, and is doing well enough not to need a hand-out, but everybody kind of feels sorry for him.

Hoka One One - She's the outdoorsy, slightly tomboy-ish girl who's kind of smart, and you know will never have an emotional breakdown on you. You really want to like her, but you just can't get past the fact that she has just a little too much padding....

Puma - This guy is obsessed with functionless styles. He'll be the guy wearing a knitted hat / skull cap indoors, or a hooded sweatshirt--hood up--out of season, or a baseball cap on backwards. He goes to the gym a lot and is a hook-up machine. You think about being like him, but just can't bring yourself to stoop to that level. You wonder why girls don't see right through him.

Skechers - This guy used to be pretty extreme. He was a serious partier, and really made the party for others, too. Now he's all grown up, and kind of mellow, but surprisingly successful for a stoner.

Nike- Rich guy who people like immediately upon meeting, but once they get to know him realize he's a selfish douchebag.

Saucony - he's in relaxed jeans and a t-shirt or light sweater at all times. Never seems to talk to girls at parties but always has a casual girlfriend. Brought 12 beers to the party but will only drink 3.

Hoka - friend of a friend you don't know well. Quietly listens, nods and smiles while people tell vacation stories without ever sharing his own. When someone asks him directly, it turns out he just got back from climbing Kilimanjaro but didn't want to make a big deal of it.

Asics - this guy signs his name "AAsics" for some reason and you didn't realize his name only has one "A" for years. Maybe he's cool, maybe not, you don't care to find out.

Reebok - desperate for attention, they spend half the night trying to copy Nike and the other half dissing them

Carson is one guy who arrives late to party, but gives the impression that there's not too much to him. Upon getting to know him you realize he's the all-American guy that all the others wish they could be. He's quirky and has great style in that Portlandia kind of way. He has it all: doing what he loves, a beautiful wife, a kid who ski races, and everyone who knows him loves him.

This is great and exactly what I was thinking:

Brooks- quietly making out in the corner with a 9.5/10 girl

Add to Nike that, actually, no one really likes him and they talk about him, and his perfect hair, behind his back.

The Brandz wrote:

You walk into a party and the major mainstream running shoe brands are there -- Nike, Adidas, Brooks, Mizuno, Reebok, Saucony, New Balance and Asics. What is each one of them doing?

Go.

Hi-Tec - the college professor who dresses up looking like all his clothes are from charity stores. However, is drinking some nice wine and attracting female attention as well as getting on with the younger dudes about his wild stories from the 70s.

I think this thread deserves a bump to account for the changes in running shoes and the industry. Here is my list for THE RUNNING SHOE PARTY

Nike – works for a major tech company and is loudly pushing “the next big thing.” When he gets drunk he talks in a patronizing tone like he thinks he is better than everyone else.

Adidas – works for a European tech company but she isn’t as loud or showy as Nike. She is standing near the TV watching soccer.

Brooks – he’s bragging that he stays “true to himself” and doesn’t follow trends. But really, he is starting to seem out of date by constantly quoting The Office and wearing overly tight pants.

Altra – he is quirky and takes pride in being different. He is the yard smoking weed and talking about smoking weed in the mountains.

Salomon – he talks with an unidentifiable European accent. He hangs out with Altra but doesn’t smoke weed. He is a bit of a Eurosnob.

New Balance – a few years ago she was chunky and awkward, but not anymore. She got a masters degree in design and is now confidant, well dressed, and successful.

Puma – you knew him years ago, but then he just disappeared. Last year he reappeared with no explanation. He seems ok, but it all feels a little forced.

Skechers – at first, no one liked her and she was constantly ridiculed. But eventually, people moved on. She brought chips and dip and keeps reminding people.

Atreyu – he looks younger than everyone else and keeps pushing his startup. He seems nice, but he keeps checking Instagram in the middle of conversations.

Hoka – this girl is thicc and gets a lot of attention for that reason. After talking to her, you realize other than her big booty, she is sort of boring.

Newton – you heard a rumor that his crazy invention killed him! But there he is, just chilling.

Mizuno – he fell on hard times and stopped coming to parties. Someone saw him on the golf course last week.

Asics – you keep confusing him with Mizuno because they both dress the same and have the same haircut. He had a kid young so even thought his is pretty cool he reminds you of your dad.

ON Running – she’s new and is trying to appeal to everyone. It feels like her friends were paid to talk about her. She wears a lot of makeup.

Saucony – you haven’t seen him in years and he is literally exactly the same as you remember. Nothing has changed.

Karhu – you have never met him, but apparently other people have…

Reebok – wasn’t invited but still shows up blackout drunk and keeps reminiscing about high school. It’s sad to watch.