Ignoring the problem ensures that it festers and grows, not only for your daughter, but other present and future students in the program.
The bottom line, your daughter is YOUR daughter, not the daughter of the coach, and she does NOT belong to the school.
I agree with her getting the other girls on the team together, and with you talking with the other parents of the girls, of course seeking out those who are aware of the issue and receptive to protecting their girls from abuse.
12 years a coach wrote:
I can count the number of male athletes I've coached that have had their parents contact me because they believed me to be playing favorites on 0 hands.
It would take more than 2 hands to count how many female athletes I've coached that have had their parents contact me because they believe I am playing favorites.
^^This
Adolescent girls tend to read into stuff too much and pretend some things aren't their fault.
Guys just like to have fun. As a result they often don't do as well as they could, but they don't look at the coach and read into his/her actions.
If I thought my child was in danger, her running at state would be the last of my worries. There is no reason for her to run.
HDoesett wrote:
If I thought my child was in danger, her running at state would be the last of my worries. There is no reason for her to run.
Where are all these people coming from? Damnit, guys, no one said the kid was in danger. There are simply people speculating that the coach has a romantic interest here. Which ISN'T THE CASE. SO far we have a disgruntled parent that has a child who doesn't like her coach. That's all we know.
Fvcking chill, people.
wow... wrote:
OP? All these replies, yet you refuse to tell us anything specific about what you are upset about.
I'm just beginning to think you don't like these coaches because they aren't you.
Yes, I think most of the replies have been speculation on what the OP is trying to say. It's ranged from suspected sexual molestation to mere resentment of his own success.
If he was as inarticulate talking to the coach as he has been in this thread then no wonder the coach leaves his daughter alone.
OP, heed the advice of others on this thread. Nothing is greater than the safety of your daughter. Get her out of that situation ASAP.
Mark My Words wrote:
OP, heed the advice of others on this thread. Nothing is greater than the safety of your daughter. Get her out of that situation ASAP.
Again, what the fvck are you seeing that is so dangerous? OP hasn't said anything is wrong. Just that they don't like the coach.
Mark My Words wrote:
OP, heed the advice of others on this thread. Nothing is greater than the safety of your daughter. Get her out of that situation ASAP.
How can ignoring her be a threat to her safety?
So let me get this straight. You are upset that the coach doesn't interact with your daughter, so you want him to not interact with your daughter?
It's a little unfair to heap all the blame on the OP here. His biggest mistake was to believe that it was wise to approach this coach in the first place given the ultimate outcome. There's too much risk of crossing paths with a petty and defensive individual like the one described here. Last season the OP should have just shook hands, introduced himself and said that his daughter was excited about the season. Finito. The only questions asked about the program should have been: When does practice start and where do I put the Gatorade?
It sounds like this coach is a defensive and insecure individual who is carrying over a grudge against the OP's daughter because he does not like the father and is offended that he asked a question about the program last season. His mentality is obviously "They think they're special - I'll show them." He probably wants the daughter to fail and quit. OP should not give him the satisfaction. OP's daughter sounds proud and loyal and is reacting to the coach 's hostility against her and her dad. I don't blame the OP for not wanting his kid to be alone with someone that obviously dislikes her.
There is no doubt there is something wrong with the coaches. OP said multiple girls have noticed over multiple years.
There is no doubt that whatever is wrong with the coaches, it is NOT such a big deal that the AD or the parents can do anything about it. It is not big enough to fire them especially since they can back each other up when questioned.
The OP seems to realize all this and has been asking his daughter to deal with it all season. Now he is looking for a little relief. As an adult, he should realize there is no such thing.
If what the OP says is true, everything is exactly how the coaches want it to be because it is their team and they set it up this way. Why the OP thought asking them would change anything since the have worked long and hard to create this atmosphere is unknown.
All the OP can have his daughter do is to ask for things that will help her that the coaches have not considered yet. It might help if it wasn't even his daughter asking. For example, if his daughter's best friend on the team asked to train/ride/room with her for cheering purposes.
The coaches may think this is validation of them as coaches for someone to want to spend extra time with them.
So to sum up
- You're coach is dissing your daughter because he resents you for beating him in races.
(not unknown).
- You feel that talking with the AD or Principal would make the situation worse.
- The "DANGER" is limited to your daughter's confidence and ability to focus on the meet.
Is that correct?
The reason for the misconception in the replies was the implication that your daughter was in danger of sexual assault by her coach, both in the subject and your posts.
My advice, let the coach do his job, but be supportive of your daughter and let her know that just because the coach is an ass, it doesn't mean she's done anything wrong.
Then man up and sort it out.
This is not an issue of sexual abuse or anything like it. No parent suspects sexual assault and comes to LRC for advice. No fu\cking way. They would go straight to the AD and the police. I don't care how supportive this school's AD is of its coaches, s/he would take such allegations VERY seriously. I don't even know why the OP made the analogy in the first place.
So, all we're left with aside from the OP's speculation is:
--The coach bumped his #s 6 and 7 to the JV race for one meet. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that and it happens to be a very common practice in regular season meets. Makes the JV team stronger AND gives younger runners a chance to shine.
--The coach refuses to acknowledge the OP's daughter after races. That's definitely lame, but like other posters, I suspect there's something else we're not being told. It just doesn't make sense. Maybe the coaches see this girl being rude and unfriendly to them day after day and figure she dislikes them and wants to interact with them as little as possible. Maybe it's something even simpler: when I first started coaching I would high five each of my runners as they came in, but pretty soon I decided that that was corny and unnecessary. Now I focus on actually COACHING during the race, and congratulate the team as a whole afterwards, making time for one-on-one conversations if someone had a particularly good/bad race.
A kid who dislikes their teacher I've never heard of that
You sound insane.Total helicopter parent.Also, your line about sexual assault is straight up creepy.Having troublesome thoughts, are we?
uber wrote:
Yes, Observation, I completely agree, and that is what we have been telling her throughout this season. So far, it has worked ok, but I want to mitigate any issues for the last week, particularly she ends up in a situation of being alone with the coaches.
Roller of Eyes, I totally understand how you'd reach your conclusion as I have seen the same thing you're describing (and how I am sounding) many times myself. I am not looking to throw the coaches under the bus. And, if the team makes it, I am not going for any different treatment for my daughter. Is it completely out of bounds for her parents (both collegiate all-americans) to want to give the coaches a break for the last week? :)
They are not disparaging to just my daughter... they're little people who's kingdom is the xc team. So, yes, I do think they get off on upsetting young people who are easy targets. And, I do not want my daughter to be alone with them without her teammates around.
On a somewhat unrelated note... when coaches get busted for sexual assaulting kids (which is also more about control than it is the sex), do you all circle the wagons and blame the athlete for not accepting that that's just the way it goes sometimes in the world we live in? Just curious.
OP, please please transfer your daughter to another school. Ideally, in a different town and don't be hesitant to legally change her name if you feel it is necessary. Listen to your gut. Do what your gut tells you. This is not something you want to second guess for the rest of your life.
I suggest starting a new, more pastoral life in upstate New York or even New Hampshire. ***UNLESS YOU CURRENTLY LIVE IN THAT AREA. In that case, I would suggest starting a new life in southern Utah.
My first day as a high school teacher, I walk into the teacher's lounge. Some teachers say hello. the phy ed teacher says "Kid, a piece of advice, teenage girls are the most evil people on this planet. Don't trust them, don't get too friendly with them, and for God's sake, don't ever turn your back on them.."
As I progressed through the years, I realized that this man is a prophet.
saVOKMmoRT wrote:
OP said multiple girls have noticed over multiple years.
First off, noticed what, exactly? Refusal to specifically acknowledge one member of the team? OH NO.
Secondly, I'm imagining these parents as really pushy people IRL. We've all met them. Slightly outgoing people that don't notice how much they annoy other people. As such, we just agree with everything they say in an effort to get them away from us as quickly as possible.
Which also may be what the coach is doing.
I don't want to assume too much because I can't put my finger on exactly what the problem it, the OP seems to be talking in code on some points. I am going remove from the table that the coach has an unhealthy interest in the OPs daughter, because if that is the case my advice would be to leave the team. Other than that, from what I can gather the parent needs to chill out and allow her daughter to handle this situation. Perhaps she can't, that's when you step in, but give her a chance. Btw, the coach could be a jerk, but welcome to the world we live in.
OP sounds like an annoying helicopter parent. That said....
What year is your daughter? If a senior then your problems are almost over, tough it (whatever "it"is) out, then move on.