OP, you clearly do not want to drive your brother around, so you're either just looking for other people to justify your actions or you're trolling. Most likely the latter.
OP, you clearly do not want to drive your brother around, so you're either just looking for other people to justify your actions or you're trolling. Most likely the latter.
rojo wrote:
I agree with this person and can't believe everyone is being so harsh.
This is your BROTHER. He certainly doesn't deserve your help but it's Thanksgiving for Christ's sake. Spending four hours of your time to possibly help a family member once every few years isn't asking too much.
He doesn't deserve it but you should do it.
Go get him. Maybe put him on the bus on the way home so you save 3 hour and so he can't spend the money. Let him enjoy the holiday. His life sucks. Be a better person.
These are the thoughts of a nice guy who has never in his life dealt with an addict. Those who haven't been in the OP's shoes can't understand just how much harm addicts inflict on anyone who tries to help them. As hard as it is, you HAVE TO turn your back on them or they will destroy your life.
If you do drive him make sure your plenty drunk and ignore his behind. Only stop to piss and get more beer.
hatrest wrote:
He's your brother, and always will be.
End of Thread.
+1
Sounds like some one needs an intervention..........
From the original post: "I know my mom would be super pissed at me if I didn't go get him though, because it would mean she would have to go get him."
So, at the very least, you need to do this for your mother.
You should be doing it for your brother and yourself. The guy clearly needs support and compassion, and you clearly haven't put him out of your life as you say you have, or you wouldn't be posting all this.
Don't drive him.
I know family is family, but love is still a two way street. He needs rehab/help, things you cannot provide, and often things he needs to figure out for himself.
My mom has a sister that may not be quite as bad as this, but comes close...You need to set a limit now on what you will do or he will turn into even more of a leech.
You should bring him to Thanksgiving but tell your family to lock up all valuables in the home and keep an eye on him the whole time. Unfortunately, drug addicts will steal from their own families. If he has access to cash, valuables or a check book, they will dissapear. Have a happy Thanksgiving and pray for your brother every day.
[quote]here you go wrote:
Sorry about your brother. That sounds like a tough situation. Could you send him money for him to take a bus to meet where you live? Then you can drive together to your mom's. You'll still have to spend time together in the car, but at least you don't have to drive out of your way, and your mom will probably be happy you come together
Bad Idea - if you send him money, he will spend it on dope. The best solution is to probably give him a ride.
Look at it this way, at least with his meth habit he's alot more likely to stay awake than the average passenger. Seriously, who wants to roadtrip with someone who uses the drive to catch up on sleep, booooooring!
Is he going to visit your family for Thanksgiving, or is he just looking to get from PLACETOWN to HOMETOWN for his court date?
If he is just going for the court date, I change my vote. To paraphrase a great philosopher, F him. If he misses his court date, the HOMETOWN sherriff can arrange a ride for him with the PLACETOWN sherriff. No need for you to get involved.
If it is just for the court date, how is he getting back to PLACETOWN? Does Mom expect you to take off on Monday to bring him back, or does she expect the court appearence to result in him not being able to ever go back to PLACETOWN?
If he was planning on going home for thanksgiving and just "lucked out" in having a court date near that time, I stick with my original vote.
Can't you just buy the ticket for him and he can pick it up at the station? I would do this as a practical matter even if he wasn't a PITA.
This IS your brother, but I've had an addict sibling. Loving your sibling requires that you think about what is best for them, not simply "helping them out" whenever they ask for it. I also know how they can ruin a holiday. If I were you I would help him get home, but how you choose to do that is up to you.
Why cant your sister take him? I have dealt with similar issues and as harsh as it may sound you would be contributing to your mothers enabling. It is sad and it sucks but I doubt he would appreciatte you driving him. Not that you need a pat on the back but if he is like you say he is then he will get over the fact pretty quickly that he cant go,since he probably doesnt really care. He just wants a pity party for how hard his life is. Maybe he wants to change??? If not than this sort of abandonment may be the push he needs to get his life back on track.
Good luck
If this is true, it's crazy you'd post this on letsrun. You're a loser. If it's not true, your brother is Jessie from Breaking Bad.
"No offense, Rojo, but you're an idiot."
Why do you ask for advice when you clearly don't want to give him a ride? You come to this board with your brother's meth problems and rip everyone who gives you genuine advice that you don't like. I'd rather get my fingernails ripped out in a Turkish prison than ride from PLACETOWN to HOMETOWN with your whiny ass. Grow a pair.
Offer to give him a ride ... To rehab
1.Do not pick up your brother just because it is Thanksgiving, regardless of what any one on this thread says.
If you do, you are an enabler.
2. Some on here say maybe he wants to make amends or reform. I say it's up to him to take those steps. NO ONE else can do it for him. Yes, you could pick him up. However, he could be dead the next day too. You have no control. He either hits rock bottom and decides he wants to make his life better and face his demons or he continues to live the life of an addict.
3. Sure your mom may be upset with you but you explain to her that you will NOT be an enabler. End of story.
4. I have been thru this, spent hundreds of thousands (yes, you read that right)of dollars on treatment, all the stealing, lying, cheating, crying, anger, and on and on. The point is, IMHO from speaking with world renowned pros, not one treatment professional from any program would recommend you pick your brother up.
5 I hope you can enjoy your Thanksgiving but remember, it is only a day, not some emotionally conceived holiday where you are made to feel guilt because you didn't pick him up. It's on him, not you.
All the best,
dead to me,
Some of the posters are confused as to the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
Forgiveness happens in your heart whereby you reach a point where you actually wish the best for your brother and that can mean hoping that he gets clean and sober and behaves rationally.
Forgiveness does not mean that you have no feelings or memory about being cheated or hurt by someone just because he is a family member.
You can feel angry about someone's bad behavior while still having forgiven them.
Reconciliation is another matter. You can be absolutely forgiving of your brother but still be under no obligation to be put into unsafe or demeaning circumstances.
You are fulfillng your responsibilities by sending him the bus ticket, which your mother should've done. It is a reasonable, caring compromise that does not put you in danger or make you a patsy.
At this rate, the OP is starting to sound like the brother.
dead to me wrote:
I'm not angry with him. I thought I made that clear.
I mean ... I'm pretty sure pushing him away for 'X' number of years has obviously helped. You seem to really be at peace with your relationship with him and he seems to have really made progress .... oh wait ... shoot i got that backwards. Soon enough one of you will die ... then the tarnish he brings to your life will be gone. With that in mind, Happy Thanksgiving :)