I liked both parts, and I am waiting for the 3rd part. As a runner, I find the book entertaining, but a little corny. You are close to having something that is really good.
I await the rest of the book.
I liked both parts, and I am waiting for the 3rd part. As a runner, I find the book entertaining, but a little corny. You are close to having something that is really good.
I await the rest of the book.
So far I am really enojying it and am awaiting the third and fourth parts. I don't want to give any criticisms or feedback yet until I finish the whole story.
When is the rest of the book gonna be up?
Read the first two parts today, very entertaining. Seems like some things mirror Once a Runner a little bit, but i guess that is to be somewhat expected.
Regardless, good read so far. Keep workin' on it, but ya, you definatly have something here.
Enjoyed part 1, nice light reading, entertaining story about a subject I enjoy (track)- good job, I`m looking forward to reading more! BTW, I enjoyed OAR, but so far am enjoying this as much or more.
...you're quite good at what you do - after my initial "...oh no, not another..." comment, I was into it; and I gotta tell you, for someone who has the attention span of a gnat, me reading anything of length is notable. I'll keep you posted.
By the way, the "Taggert" moniker is really out of the old Rockford Files scripts - but, whatever... I'll be back...
Howabout Dagny Taggart instead? She'd run like a train
impatient wrote:
When is the rest of the book gonna be up?
It'll never be up; the author is pulling a bait-and-switch trick here.
The book will be published shortly, so the OP will tell you to buy it if you want to know what happens next.
no apostrophes in names wrote:
impatient wrote:When is the rest of the book gonna be up?
It'll never be up; the author is pulling a bait-and-switch trick here.
The book will be published shortly, so the OP will tell you to buy it if you want to know what happens next.
So that he could boost his sales by 30 something people? Now we're talking effective marketing strategies...
Poster Formerly Known asGoober wrote:
So that he could boost his sales by 30 something people? Now we're talking effective marketing strategies...
You're assuming that every person who read that thing posted on here?
logic? wrote:
You're assuming that every person who read that thing posted on here?
Your assuming that every person who read the first two parts would pay to read the last two?
I have read the first two parts; so, this criticism in only on the first two parts and may be completely not applicable by the end. I find the story enthralling and look forward to the other parts. However, it may be because it is a niche book towards a niche audience. I also find 50:00 easy runs enthralling.
My criticism is this, the difference between Once a Runner and your book is that your book doesn't have the quotability and scene intrigue the Once a Runner carries. You don't go as deep; you don't flush out the emotions that can be related to by all competitive runners enough.
Darn, finished the 1st 2 parts and want to keep reading!!
I'm also a college student, not an official writer but a journalism major. I rely on talent to get by on grammar, so I'll leave that alone, but I am a great fan/critic of stories, so I'll go to work on that.
First, the dual plotlines with Ryan and Vince is working. 80's pornstar names aside, both are being well developed enough to keep the reader interested without losing the other.
I kind of saw the Coach's demise coming- it seemed from the beginning that Vince was going to be more than a training partner/mentor. But that's ok: the question is do you want to foreshadow it more or less? I'd be inclined to foreshadow it a touch more, maybe have a more subtle clue before the pill-popping.
The love story thing isn't working real well though. Using it as a vehicle for Vince getting back involved in running is interesting (whether someone likes it or not is a matter of personal taste), but through part 2 it feels like it is competing too much with the primary comeback storyline. People say that Once a Runner had the love story going as well, but it was clearly in the background. I'd say you need to tone it down a little, or amp it up. Is the book a love story or a runner's epic? You can't have it both ways. One might say that Sandy's personal issues are a parallel to Vince's love issues, but it seems that Mom is pushed further into the background than Corey.
My other beef is, as you said, the obvious similarities to Once a Runner. I'm about to go on a bit of a rant: There is only one OAR. It cannot be copied, cannot be modified. The way it explained the runner's toil is wholely unique. Parker failed to recapture the old magic (although it was a good try) in Again to Carthage.
Any similarities to OAR, however intended, are not a tribute. They are similiarities, and nothing else. Some may be unavoidable- cut them, change them, do something. Especially any references to demons, and opening night run sentence. If you are going to capture the night run, it cannot be done the same way as Parker.
On the whole, I'm thoroughly intrigued, and quite antsy to read more. This is a reflection both on the lack of running literature and the quality of your storyline. My one big thing would be DO NOT consider this a finished product. Like your characters, you've got decent talent, some drive, but can still use more to improve your final product.
You know, the idea of not posting the rest of the book so I could try to make people pay for it never occurred to me. Hmmm....
Haha, no, I wouldn't do that, it's not my style. Family obligations are slowing me down a little, but as soon as I get the other parts formatted I will post them -- part three maybe tonight yet, but if not, tomorrow sometime for sure.
Frankly, I'm stunned by the response so far, in both quantity and quality. Someone mentioned the 30-odd posters who responded (not counting the ones who replied to me directly), but at last count, total hits on my Web site just from the link I posted here two days ago are closing in on 600, including people from 44 states and at least 17 foreign countries. Most of the responders have liked the story so far overall, several have given some very insightful feedback, and although there have been some blunt comments, I don't think anyone has been mean-spirited, even those who haven't cared for what they read. So I truly thank everyone who has responded so far, and I ask you to please continue to do so, positive or negative.
The only thing I've really had to shake my head and laugh about is the fact that nobody seems to like the name Vince Taggert. Honestly, I started writing the basic story so long ago I don't remember where I pulled the exact name of Taggert from -- it might have been out of the phone book, believe it or not -- but the Vince T. combination was a sort of tribute to my high school and college coach, Vince Touey, whose image was somewhat in my mind whenever I pictured Taggert.
Anyway, thanks for reading, please continue to tell your friends and family (I'm very interested in non-runners' take on the book since I haven't yet heard from any who are unbiased), and look for part three very soon.
actually i like the name Vince Taggart, it's Suzy that I thought sounded lame. Maybe I'm too young and no one is named that anymore but it's such a generic name that it bugs me a little. You've got me pretty involved with the story, my only issue (and I'm not a writer by any means just some who likes to read) is that I feel some things that happen seem to be glossed over too quickly or could be described more thoroughly. Like the broken ankle part, or the racing thus far, or any of the workouts at all. You spend a lot of time describing Corey looking at herself in the mirror and just skim over Vince's XC race (the first 4 miles even though later the coach describes him breaking down earlier) and barely describe any workouts in detail. Again, I don't know if this was intended because I don't have experience writing, these are just some things I was thinking. Overall I'm loving it and can't wait for the rest of the story.
oh and I spent most of my unusually crappy-feeling run today thinking about your part on pain and the decision to ignore it every moment you want to quit. Good stuff.
It's better written than OAR, but that's not saying much. Speaking of which, the similarities are strong and you draw attention to them with several explicit references ("demons", "fuel for a very hot fire, "jock carrying", etc) to a book which you can't surpass in the audience's mind. It feels a little to me like the plot is the same but with a few deliberate "twists". I'm just waiting for part 3 to see where Taggert and Sandy hole up to train unreasonably hard.
But having said that, I am waiting for part 3: it's quite compelling.
I read the first two sections you posted.
The good:
I want to keep reading. I think some of this is really well done, particularly the ten miler where the two guys are testing each other. I liked Vinny T's self doubt and refusal to show any of that doubt to Sandyman. I think you have the running aspects of the plot nailed.
The not as good:
It would be bad to get bogged down in details, but everything happens so fast. All these influences on the main characters (Sandyman's parents, Vinny T's ex) get introduced in quick little mental vignettes, and I think these fringe characters are way too stereotyped. I know you are trying to color in the motivations of the main characters, but it seems almost too convenient to have the drunk dad and the mental patient mom. Even the coach's situation seems a little too contrived.
I think you need to rework the the leadup to the relationship meltdown. The actual ruined "special" dinner scene works, but the leadup to it is a little strange. It reads as if these two adults, months into a relationship, living a short distance from each other, haven't figured out how to eat dinner together and sleep in the same bed together regularly.
As a final suggestion, since you are handling the running parts quite well, I would suggest adding a scene where Vinny T is on the run (at some point relatively early in the comeback) where he crosses that threshold where running suddenly feels like it used to feel. You write about how his paces progress, but I think you could do a good job of detailing that specific moment coming back from injury/layoff where running stops feeling awkward and starts feeling like running.
you really need to put the rest of the book up! really keeps my attention. can't stop reading it once i start.