I hear you, and am sorry for how things turned out.
I guess there are two ways to read your post. One is that "running is not important," in the sense that it's not worth devoting a lot of time and effort to. I'd disagree with that. Like many other hobbies, it can be a meaningful pursuit, and a net healthy one.
The other interpretation is "running is not so important that it's worth destroying your body (or your social life or your professional prospects or whatever) for." I'd certainly agree with that. I've known some runners who have pursued it far past the point where they should have dialed it back. It sounds like you now feel that way about your own running career. That said, I've known others who have made running - even at a relatively high level - a positive part of their lives for a long time.
I competed internationally when I was younger, and loved it (though of course I wish I'd managed to go faster, and my elite career ended up petering out with persistent injuries). I've been "semi-serious" ever since, several decades later. I still race, though not very often. I do hard workouts once or twice a week with friends. It's important to me, but not *too* important. Finding and maintaining that balance isn't always easy.
Sorry that I didn't reply properly to all of this. I think I went away at the time.
To the person who asked can I walk without pain - it's better than it was. For a number of years (4-5 years) I couldn't. It was like walking on a rock in my shoe/on glass. Because the injury was on the sole of my forefoot, it was with every step. I'd forgotten about running by that point, it was more about day-to-day activities and trying to manage with them. You don't realise how much you need walking until you're affected by it. I had a number of surgeries and one led to an infection and didn't heal properly which didn't help. However, things are better now even though they're not perfect - they are better and I appreciate that a lot. It was a very difficult time. I just wanted to be able to do normal stuff and not be in pain - nothing to do with sport, just normal daily stuff. I wanted my life back. You don't realise how much that you take for granted. I appreciate everything now.
Thanks to the person who made this post:
You made the choices you made back then because that is what you wanted. You could not foresee the injuries and surgeries that would not go well. Judging your choices back then from where you are now is not fair to yourself. Try to make the best out of what you can do now and have now as you did at all other stages of your life. The time I dedicated to running in my life had in parts negatively impacted my professional career and financial settings but it also gave me the tenacity and will to overcome challenging times, private and professionally, it made memories, friends and connections that feed my soul and heart to this day. I stopped looking back on decisions I did earlier in my life that now, years and decades later seemed to be the wrong decisions. But if we continue to do so, we cannot move on. Be well please.
It really helped to read that and it was thoughtful, so thank you.
Running is the GOAT. Gives you stamina, keeps one fit. Running is an upper middle-class sport, mostly. So, you have some money in your pocket and are fit, the possibilities are endless....
Everything is subjective. Running can be the most important thing at one point in your life, then be irrelevant at another juncture. But what does anything matter then? In order to make your life seem meaningful personally, assigning value to things helps. What is valuable to one may be meaningless to another.
One shouldn't try to diminish others who enjoy what they don't. It's a free society.
No I'm not trying to diminish anyone else's experiences of running, please don't think that. I'm glad that other people have happy memories and experiences of it. I know I certainly still have happy memories of it that I'm glad for too. There were some really good times as well.
1. Listen to your body more and trust your instincts. I thought I'd torn my meniscus and was told that it wasn't possible because of some kind of manoeuvre they did with me on my back and that I'd be crying out in pain if it was torn. I wasn't crying out in pain but I don't react to pain like that, I just go quiet. I kept saying I could hear it click and I thought it was torn. Told it was fine to keep running on it and race and sort of implied I was being a wimp/weak for not carrying on. Weeks/months later, I get a scan and boom, badly torn meniscus - told to immediately stop running. I knew. I knew before.
2. With foot was told categorically it couldn't be a morton's neuroma as again I'd be 'leaping' off the table in pain when it was pressed a certain way. I didn't. Months later - scan - morton's neuroma (huge) amongst other things and issues with my foot.
3. Went to quack physio who treated things with taping and got influenced by her qualifications when I knew deep down it wasn't working but was desperate. Gave up on uni physios after the meniscus thing as had lost trust in them after they kept saying it simply wasn't possible that I'd torn it when I had.
4. As a result of all of the delays waited too long to have surgery so then they ended up having to take most of my meniscus out, bisect it and remove a large portion/most of the whole thing instead of being able to repair it. So now left with a miniscule amount of cartilage in that knee that's apparently like 'cottage cheese'.
5. Had experimental surgery for morton's neuroma rather than the traditional one as it was meant to be more advanced healing. Didn't drive myself home (should have - and should have ignored everyone who said not to - automatic car so no pressure on foot at all and it wasn't a general anaesthetic) so was in a freezing cold taxi for 3 hours and my foot lost feeling as it was so cold (it was December) directly after the surgery and didn't regain it until the next morning. Had I driven myself all of that would've been avoided. It was a local anaesthetic I'd elected for. It was fine.
6. Should've kept my foot warmer. There weren't really any post surgery instructions whatsoever. I don't think the clinic was very good and I chose badly maybe.
7. Took the dressings off and let it air dry instead of listening to their inane instructions about leaving wet plasters on open wounds that was never going to work. I heal when things are dry, even Compeed doesn't work for me as it's wet, it never has, I don't know why but it's the way it's always been. Should've listened to my gut. It looked like it was going off/manky to me.
8. When it went red/purple around the site it got ignored by ignorant doctors who put it down to circulation when in fact it was something more sinister and the flesh was essentially being eaten away/degraded with every passing hour and it was only when I literally went to the hospital/A&E that it got treated promptly (fortunately, could have lost my foot apparently and I was running a fever with high lactate by that point and was 'sweating to the point of filling buckets' and ended up on a ward feeling pretty weird). Got treated. Ended up with complications.
9. Should have learnt to advocate for myself better, speak up and make a fuss when I knew things weren't right instead of being fobbed off continually. It was only when I took pictures and sent them that they took action instead of telling me to wait again and again and be patient implying I was being impatient/unreasonable. I wasn't. It was going bad.
I've never talked about any of this sh!t, let alone on here. I was advised to get a wheelchair for a few years and managed to avoid that thankfully but I could barely walk, I mean down the street/around a supermarket/to anywhere really. It was hard to cope with. I don't think I've ever started a thread about myself either and I hope that it's OK to do so. Maybe it's the wrong thing to do, I don't know. Things have been difficult recently. But I've been on this forum for 20 years and hopefully it's OK to talk just once about something important to you that's gone on in relation to your running. Which was a big part of my life! Which, after all, is what this entire forum is about - the sport of running.
Happy runs to you all. I certainly don't want to give the impression that I begrudge anyone any form of happiness at all because I think life is short and that we should grab any kind of happiness that we can, running or not :). I would want you all to enjoy your runs and get as much pleasure out of them as you can. It's a truly great sport. I just want to move on from this and put it behind me and walk without pain. That's it. I just want to be well.
Track chick…don’t be upset or bothered by any negative comments on this thread. They are generally from people who’s whole self identity and self worth is wrapped up in their ability to run a certain distance faster than others and in a time that they deem to be acceptable. It’s a bit sad if you put it into context.
Circumstances have led you to move on from that phase of your life and see it for what it is. Needless to say, if some of the detractors who have posted on here were in your situation, chances are that they would be having a rethink about life choices and what truly matters also.
Track chick…don’t be upset or bothered by any negative comments on this thread. They are generally from people who’s whole self identity and self worth is wrapped up in their ability to run a certain distance faster than others and in a time that they deem to be acceptable. It’s a bit sad if you put it into context.
Circumstances have led you to move on from that phase of your life and see it for what it is. Needless to say, if some of the detractors who have posted on here were in your situation, chances are that they would be having a rethink about life choices and what truly matters also.
Thank you for your kind post. It's helped to finally discuss it all. Yes - it truly puts into perspective just how important things like being able to walk to get your groceries are. Or to simply go on a walk with friends. To have a normal day-to-day life and to be able to do things. Thanks for the good thoughts. I appreciate them a lot.