i think i'm depressed - running feels like the only thing that helps

Keep running. Been through some horribly dark times in my life. Running is literally the only thing that kept me above ground during one depressive episode. Always try to eat at least decently. Some crap is okay, especially when you're young, but you need to be getting fruits and veggies and quality meat and eggs too. Take a magnesium supplement before bed (google Mg and depression). Take fish oil. Try to always have goals of some kind and work towards them. Understand that life kind of sucks in a way when you're young. There's a lot of stress, you're not really experienced enough to take on a lot of life stuff, and you're at the bottom of the food chain in a lot of respects. It gets WAY better if you continually try to work on yourself and develop yourself. Try not to worry about things as much as you feel like you should. With age you realize 90% of the stuff you worried about when you were young didn't really matter.

Be careful about the bi thing but try not to let it bother you. People are pretty accepting these days. Come out when you're ready. There probably are some people who will not accept you or will not like it, but most people won't really care at all.

Read books. Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Try to take big deep breaths once or twice per day. It actually does help.

Understand most people both love and hate their parents. It's normal. Your parents really did F up a lot. Everyone's parents did. It's impossible not to at least some.

I could keep going, but it's late. Never stop running though.

Some good advice here. I would add to try and get out for some long hikes and/or camping trips. I'm not talking going out in the woods to drink beer or something. Actually go out and spend a significant amount of time in the woods. It is peaceful, and I find it helps to reset the mind. Also, building a fire, cooking food, filtering water, all that stuff reconnects us with things we take for granted on a daily basis. Sleeping in a tent, using the bathroom outside, having to filter water; this always helps me relearn to appreciate these overlooked luxuries.

You may have had some thoughts but you don't have to act on them. Everyone has or should have crosses that they bear and should refrain from things that are not good. Induldging in that will not help you!

Man, some of y’all on here really homophobic. Sexuality is something unique to everyone. You are in college and that is maybe the most perfect place to learn more about yours. I will say though to the OP to stay away from porn and look for genuine connection through whatever gender you like. Maybe for your own sake if you want to explore, keep your explorations to yourself until you’re ready to share those stories to others. But too many of us men connect our sexuality into our identity and really it comes from our own insecurities. In the end, all of of us runners look like like twinks.

Talking to a counselor is great. Taking shrooms with friends would be fun. Kiss someone you like. And live. Godspeed my friend.

Bad advice and advice against this isn't based out of insecurities but out of knowledge that those things are harmful!

Hang in there and maybe kiss a guy it’ll probably be fun

Is this a joke? Are you seriously advocating for conversion therapy?

This post hits so close to home, I wish I could hug you. I too have had similar circumstances as you. I’m bi and struggled to come to terms with this realization for a long time. Hetero people will never understand the amount of pain, anxiety, and depression a lot of us feel. It takes a lot of courage to even admit it to yourself, let alone the world. Suicidal thoughts were/are like a gray rain cloud over my head. At times, it’s not the there and other times it’s pouring over my head. Whenever I hear of someone committing suicide, I get depressed bc I know the fight they were going through and they lost their fight. I can’t help but wonder of my own fight and wonder if I’m going to make it. Will I lose my fight someday too? I think being gay is almost easier bc at least at that point, you’re something easy to put in a box. Most people on both sides won’t believe you’re bi, just probably hiding you’re gay, bc it’s easier for people to process things in terms of black and white.

After dating my then girlfriend of a couple yrs, I finally came out to her bc I knew if we were going to go all the way, I needed to be honest. I know it should’ve been sooner, but I didn’t have the courage. I still remember the day I came out to get I cried uncontrollably - we both did. She was bothered that I didn’t come out sooner, but she accepted me for who I am. To her, my attraction to the same sex wasn’t an issue. As long as I was being honest about my feeling for her and wasn’t using her as a “beard.” She said as long as I was faithful, truly loved her, and treated her right, then my attraction to men and women was irrelevant. We have a 1yr old daughter and another on the way. We’re both happy with the family we’re creating, but it terrifies me to know that one day I might have to a conversation with my kids about this. No one else knows besides my wife knows.

I don’t know you nor your circumstances, but I hope you continue to fight your demons. I hope you find peace of mind and happiness. I hope you find kindness in the world. I hope you find as many anchors to this world as possible so that suicide is an imposible thought at that point. You’re not alone

Wish I had advice but I don’t. You’re not alone OP. 27 and feel the same way.

I had a similar experience about 5 years ago. Overall it went better than I thought.

Mental health is crucial. I saw that you said you're going to your college's health department which is a good start. College is going to be more difficult, especially if you're at a rigorous one, and even if your high school was good it's still an adjustment. You're taking the right steps and hopefully you'll see big PRs soon.

As to your sexuality, you're in gen Z and at college, so it'll probably be fine. That being said, you'll be disappointed in a few people's reactions especially if you thought they were your friends, but most should support you. Wait until you're ready though.

Completely agree. I bolded the parts I think should be emphasized. I think I realized I liked guys when I was 14, but I only admitted it to myself when I was 18. I had also struggled with exactly what you wrote - pain, anxiety, and depression upon admitting this. I just hated myself and wanted to become "normal" and this made me more depressed. I'm not sure if I was suicidal, but I would say that I had severe depression. I ended up working out for like 2 hours per day to be alone and productive which was good for me, but it's not exactly a panacea - it's just a different way to take out anger.

Running can help (a lot) but don't expect it to cure everything. Seek help (i.e. counseling, friends, etc) if you feel like you need it. Hope it gets better soon

I read the entire thread. Hang in there bro

i suspect OPs testosterone levels are low

life kinda sucks when that happens

n=1 and all that, but my testosterone/energy levels are very sensitive to the duration/intensity of sunlight exposure I get on my torso

further away from the equator you are, the more likely one is to be depressed

Cheer up little fella, running it's what I do.

Locked out of my anonymous account after 8 hours. That's something LRC should improve.

Anyway, I agree. I had my testosterone tested off a 45 mile week and an 80 mile one, and it was significantly lower if I didn't take creatine.

You're in a very different environment and running is the one thing you know and it comforts you. But don't get carried away.

Going away to college is the first time you will be with strangers 24 hours a day, adult strangers. Those little quirks of yours that your friends and family found amusing, shared, or don't even notice anymore will stand out and rub strangers the wrong way and there's nothing you can do about it.

You probably do the same to others and aren't even aware of it. Projection is real. Most things you notice are because you're inclined to notice them not inherent merit.

Be warned about books. They serve as palliatives for the young. Nietzsche has nothing to say to you because you won't understand him and his subject is not the individual. Marcus Aurelius may be speaking to the individual but a callow, semi-feral youth with no responsibilities can never understand him. Words. This is why wise men don't have wise sons or daughters. Read books for education, entertainment, and information not personal guidance.

Take a communications course and learn how to be and think like a civilized human being.

Forget the ideal woman (or man since you're bi) and get a girlfriend as soon as possible and work through this letting of childhood and becoming an adult together. You'll break up but that's part of growing up.

Take up something else. Runners are limited people in my experience. Try rock climbing.

See a psychiatrist. See if you are autistic, have AHDH, are bipolar and deal with it now.

Don't major in Philosophy, English or political science. And If you aren't excelling then pay for math and science tutors, if only to get through the class - it will be the best investment you ever made.

College is confusing, frustrating, and depressing but everyone goes through it. It's hard to believe but that big guy on campus who's captain of the football team, makes straights A's, got into Stanford law school, and always has buds and girls around him is going through the exact same thing. He could be bi too, ask him.

If all this is not doable then next year transfer to a school near home and commute. You can work on all these things with your home as a support system.

You're not bi.

And how are you qualified to tell?

Most of the comments seemed helpful and/or useful, but it definitely seems like he's struggling (some) and a few comments were minimizing what he's going through and/or being outright bigoted

You don't eat enough calories, and you're also not eating enough protein. Eat meat and more eggs