Help. What the heck type of animal has invaded my house? Update: We've caught something

Ok, I'm joking I didn't actually eat it.

I still can't believe it's illegal to trap a raccoon without a permit and the b relocated it. So I've alreayd admitted to one crime online.

The problem is the MD website says to call for a permit - 877-463-6497 - doesn't work. IT keeps saying the number can't be reached from my calling area. So what the hell am I supposed to do?

Anyway, based on that law, my pest control guy who just came and picked it up is a) either committing a crime or b) secretly killing it.

Ok. Apparently you can't call that 877 # without a maryland area code. No reason why the website doesn't say that. But if you are brought to this page via google and are loooking for the # to call for the Maryland Nuisance animal number then it's 410-349-8055.

The Overexplainer wrote:

The upshot of my long boring story is: I can't believe you paid $375 to trap some kind of animal that will definitely come back. I can't believe you would be willing to pay $375 in general. My trap cost $40. I trapped 6 woodchucks with it and I still have it. It never did nay damage to my car. I could have taken a LOT more precautions with all of these steps and ensured that there were no problems, but I didn't and up needing to. Except for ONE raccoon dying, nothing ever went tits-up.

P.S.: I did not have the patience to wait through your two videos. Did you ever figure out what was under your deck?

I forgot to add it was posts like this that inspired me to do it myself and get my man card back.

That being said, you all have caused me to commit a crime unknowingly.

I also want to apologize for not providing an update to the thread for 3 months. Why didn't someone just email me or hell call the letsrun number and demand it. Now that I'm a father I can't just post on the messageboard all day long.

You ruined a perfectly good party, Rojo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM7Hlg75Mlo

Did you make a hat?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFaJTCgIA9Q

This took you five months?

Porkie wrote:

This took you five months?

It took me 12 hours once I did it myself. I didn't hear or see any racooons all year until last week.

I loved the story months ago and am happy to read the update. Congratulations. I can't let you go on this though:

rojo wrote:

I also want to apologize for not providing an update to the thread for 3 months. Why didn't someone just email me or hell call the letsrun number and demand it. Now that I'm a father I can't just post on the messageboard all day long.

because you've been posting all day today!

rojo wrote:

I also want to apologize for not providing an update to the thread for 3 months. Why didn't someone just email me or hell call the letsrun number and demand it. Now that I'm a father I can't just post on the messageboard all day long.

I did call the number for your podcast and left a voicemail of the raccoon noises that you recorded. I had hoped it would jog you to give an update, but apparently it was too subtle.

Also, you do post here all day long...

Now block off the entrances so you dont have another raccoon move in.

rojo wrote:

It's a good thing I put it into a stew.

That's hilarious.

Many people do eat raccoons. They are said to be especially good with sweet potatoes.

rojo wrote:

Ashamed to be a Tiger wrote:

Rojo is the poster child for the college admissions scandal. He needs to get off his affluenza butt, stop watching so freaking much TV and read a book. Start with Dick And Jane.

Sorry that I don't know how to spell the all important word of marshmallow.

You're not really sorry. If you were sorry, you would actually learn how to spell and learn the proper uses of their, they're and there. We hope that you are proud about trustfunding your way through life. Born on third base, ran backwards to first and think that you hit a home run.

It's spring and the time when they find a place to drop their babies.

Did you get your place sealed or was this raccoon back under the porch?

If she was back under the porch then you might have a litter of dead rotting stinking baby raccoons in the next few days.

nojos wrote:

rojo wrote:

I used marshmellows with grape jelly.

Gdamn, rojo, you really are the village idiot. You'd think that a grownass 50 year old native English speaker with $500,000 of private school education paid for by hard working American taxpayers could at least try to learn how to spell MARSHMALLOWS. WTF?

I was more offended by the grape jelly. What is it, 1950? Grape??? Go to any diner, and there's grape jelly in those little packets on the tables and they are covered in 20 years of ketchup and Sweet'N Low (that's really how they spell it) because no one ever uses them. Literally no one eats grape jelly. WTF.

For raccoons, I mix equal parts creamy peanut butter and cayenne pepper, slather it on a giant marshmallow, then roll it in Froot Loops (that's really how they spell it). Leave it near your house. The raccoon will start eating it for the Froot Loops, get into the peanut butter fire, and keep going to get to the marshmallow. When I find them half eaten, they've always got a bite out of the marshmallow. This ensures that the raccoon has gotten a full dose of cayenne. The raccoon will forever associate your house with a fiery, burning anus (much like your in-laws already do).

Can I come visit you at your house one day, in a non-stalker kind of way?

Grenio wrote:

I was more offended by the grape jelly. What is it, 1950? Grape??? Go to any diner, and there's grape jelly in those little packets on the tables and they are covered in 20 years of ketchup and Sweet'N Low (that's really how they spell it) because no one ever uses them. Literally no one eats grape jelly. WTF.

Are you saying nobody uses jelly period, or that people do use jelly but just not the flavor grape?

Either way it seems pretty common on toast.

Mugician wrote:

rojo wrote:

I also want to apologize for not providing an update to the thread for 3 months. Why didn't someone just email me or hell call the letsrun number and demand it. Now that I'm a father I can't just post on the messageboard all day long.

I did call the number for your podcast and left a voicemail of the raccoon noises that you recorded. I had hoped it would jog you to give an update, but apparently it was too subtle.

Also, you do post here all day long...

Now block off the entrances so you dont have another raccoon move in.

I’m afraid to block off the entrancess because how do I know there aren’t other ones down there right now?

Here’s the latest update, the pest control guy who came to pick up the animal offered me a job with his company. He is going to return my trap tomorrow and when he does so I’m going to have to tell him that apparently he’s breaking state law. Or do pest-control guys get have right to relocate animals?Then later tonight I set a second trap in the exact same spot that I left the first trap.

The only issue is I never heard back from the state agency about getting a permit despite leaving a message so I may be in violation of the law.

their, there, they're wrote:

You're not really sorry. If you were sorry, you would actually learn how to spell and learn the proper uses of their, they're and there. We hope that you are proud about trustfunding your way through life. Born on third base, ran backwards to first and think that you hit a home run.

What Ivy League school were you rejected from? It’s ok. I can tell that you are very, very upset that I got into Princeton despite no donations being made on my behalf, despite having no family connections and despite the fact that I can’t spell marshmallow.

Perhaps you should direct your anger towards Weldon. He did get into Yale and my father is an alum and he has made donations.

Make a spring loaded flap. I already suggested this. Then any that remain can still get out, but not back in again.

Here is an example of a homemade version: