You cannot compare desserts to college aged woman...emotions are involved.
You cannot compare desserts to college aged woman...emotions are involved.
KMB wrote:
There is a difference between seeking to achieve a position of authority or power as an end unto itself and someone being nominally in a position of power and then exploiting or mismanaging the resulting dynamic.
Someone who runs for public office, or strives fast-track Army promotions from captain to major to LTC to fill bird to general, or is more concerned with using his medical degree and seven years of residency to run an HMO than develop more refined cardiac surgery procedures might appropriately be described as power-hungry, in addition to whatever financial and idealistic motives drive them.
But I am pretty sure that most straight men who coach college women's sports teams and at some point wind up messing around with their athletes don't start out with this goal and mind. In fact, I would guess that almost to a one, they are well aware not only that the possibility not only but a great likelihood does, too, and tell themselves "I know other guys would fall into that trap, but not me." And then at some stage the rationalizations begin and justifications are made and the coach becomes blind to the fact that maybe this 20-year-old doesn't just crave his essential dudeness, she digs being close to the guy fully in charge of this micro-society they inhabit, and maybe *she* doesn't know that either, and then one slip doesn't cause trouble and so it becomes a pattern, and oops, maybe this isn't so bad after all, and then shit hits the fan and reality decides to collect its loan that turned out to carry an APR of about 85%, and a career is gone.
Short version -- I know Kevin better than most people here, and knew him very well when he first got into coaching, I am no-mind reader, so maybe he really is a (insert pejorative suggesting seedy man losing teeth and wearing trench coat). But for what it's worth, I don't think Kevin became a coach with any of this in mind, and I don't mean the eventual consequences, I mean all of it. The guy had some solid ideas about building a business that would put prep athletes and college athletic departments in touch in a way that would streamline the process for both, which sounds trivial now, but this was before the Internet existed. He majored in phys ed and always loved being in a mentoring type of environment in his last couple of years, when he was usually at poolside or on a field somewhere instead of in a classroom. But he also likes cute women, and what I believe is that he made a series of beyond-profound mistakes that transcend simple lapses in judgment. He screwed up royally. No more than that. He was a good-looking guy in his late 20s, then his 30s, and then in his early 40s who was around attractive women all the time and shat on the rule book. I don't think this requires a psychiatric diagnosis to interpret any more than it would take one to figure out why a diabetic with poor self-control who takes a job in a pastry shop because he really does like baking nice desserts continually winds up in the ER with ketoacidosis and a blood sugar of 700.
This is not to defend Kevin, but in the end, really, does it matter if he was systematically lured into his dalliance or dalliances by a bunch of malicious sirens despite fighting a heroic inner battle or whether he is indeed a sociopath? (He's not even close, by the way. I have met a couple of choice people who qualify and there is not even a comparison.) In the end he did what he did and parsing his pathology is just an extreme example of Internet mental masturbation. Which I am more than guilty of myself at this point.
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It is quite presumptuous and wrong to try to generalize. There are many great professional coaches/teachers/professors around who do not use their status to prey sexually on women. I've coached and taught adult women for 20+ years from the time I was 23 yrs old. I've never crossed that line and find your suggestions quite insulting to many of my colleagues.
Canada Coach wrote:
It is quite presumptuous and wrong to try to generalize. There are many great professional coaches/teachers/professors around who do not use their status to prey sexually on women. I've coached and taught adult women for 20+ years from the time I was 23 yrs old. I've never crossed that line and find your suggestions quite insulting to many of my colleagues.
Since you quoted my whole post, I'm not sure what it is that you're taking issue with. I didn't say or remotely imply that male coaches coming on to their adult female athletes is endemic; I described what seems to be the thought process of the subset of men who in fact do.
As usual it's tough to please everyone. Suggest that the situation at Toledo is an exception and people flock to point out that creeps and lechers are running buck-wild in the NCAA coaching ranks; say that it's an everyday occurrence and guys like you protest and helpfully use yourselves as examples of coaches who haven't had sex with your charges.
never understood wrote:
This coach clearly made some big mistakes. But I have never been able to understand why our society always paints adult women above the age of consent as victims every time there is a situation like this. (Coach-Athlete, teacher-student, etc...)
The question is, are the women able to consent to sex or not? If they are, why does it matter who they consent with? Why do we distinguish?
I'm always amazed that the feminists don't jump all over this as a huge insult. Society always says the women are manipulated, implying they are too stupid to decide to have sex with these people (like Hadsell) on their own accord. How is this not offensive and insulting to adult women?
It's not a male/female thing.
Society also paints the 40 year old high school teacher who sleeps with her male students in a pretty bad light.
Admittedly a smaller sample size, but female coaches who make this mistake with male athletes seem to be treated with more sympathy, or at least more privacy. I hadn't heard of a 2015 incident regarding a former Patriot League assistant coach until I read about it on here yesterday (since been deleted), which if true is far worse than anything of which Hadsell's been accused.
Frank Lancaster wrote:
Admittedly a smaller sample size, but female coaches who make this mistake with male athletes seem to be treated with more sympathy, or at least more privacy. I hadn't heard of a 2015 incident regarding a former Patriot League assistant coach until I read about it on here yesterday (since been deleted), which if true is far worse than anything of which Hadsell's been accused.
Good call, had forgotten about Kearney! I guess they keep things under tighter wraps at Army.
Frank Lancaster wrote:
Good call, had forgotten about Kearney! I guess they keep things under tighter wraps at Army.
What does Army have to do with this?
rojo wrote:
Moderators,
Have you guys lost it? Please do not delete this thread. This is a major story - whether you want it to be or not - and there needs to be discussion of it.
Here is what another poster had up briefly this morning before the moderators went crazy:
Wait, aren't you the moderators' boss?
Frank Lancaster wrote:
Good call, had forgotten about Kearney! I guess they keep things under tighter wraps at Army.
Maybe girl on girl is less heinous? There was no specific mention of (WOMEN'S) track Coach Kearney having a relationship with a male athlete.
Eye Ron EEEE wrote:
Frank Lancaster wrote:Good call, had forgotten about Kearney! I guess they keep things under tighter wraps at Army.
Maybe girl on girl is less heinous? There was no specific mention of (WOMEN'S) track Coach Kearney having a relationship with a male athlete.
Niiiice
Serious question: are there any college programs where this does NOT happen?
Interesting how every time there is a negative thread about Emma Kertesz that this thread is "mysteriously" resurrected. The last time is was brought back from three full years ago. Maybe she already does sit in an 8x8 cubicle?
She was obsessed. Sought his attention constantly. Had a custom bobble head made of him. She texted him over 10,000 times from August to January. Those were the facts. So not shocking she still obsessed.
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