13. Bank Time Early.
Go out hard as hell and bank as much time as possible in the first 10k. Time put in the bank earns interest, so if you bank time earlier it will be worth even more later in the race. This tactic also give you a good reason to weave at the start, which really helps get the blood flowing through your legs. Plus, the last 32k will feel so much easier and more relaxed as compared to the hard start.
10/10
rcjason wrote:
12. Cutting the Course
Why run for five hours when you can run for four? Pretend that you didn't take a pre-race dump and run toward a porta potty. Run past the porta potty and jump into a taxi. Take it to a block away from the finish line, dump some water over your head, and claim your Cool Participation Medal!
Please post a link to your ebook so I can incorporate this into my next race.
14. Grab a Wendy's frosty and double cheeseburger at mile 8. You will need carbs and some protein to make it to mile 26.
14. Posting on Facebook
Make sure to post about your race on Facebook. And don't forget a selfie with your Cool Participation Medal to prove that you were really there. Talk about the suffering and the pain and your pre-race dump and how you carried someone across the finish line. You're sure to get plenty of Likes.
14. Why even run the race when you can hire a bib mule? Just find the running version of an indentured servant and pay him/her a few hundred dollars to run a BQ for you! Then you won't even have to worry about the pre-race dump!
More tips coming!
rcjasan wrote:
14. Grab a Wendy's frosty and double cheeseburger at mile 8. You will need carbs and some protein to make it to mile 26.
I DID NOT POST THIS! MODERATORS MAKE THIS STOP! I DO NOT AGREE AT ALL WITH THIS RECOMMENDATION YOU SHOULD BE EATING A GU EVERY SINGLE MILE NOT JUST STARTING AT MILE 8 AND YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR FUEL BELT ON.
15. slather your crotch in Vaseline the morning of the race. I don't mean just a little, use handfuls! This will ensure you do not chaff and that you can rub one out looking at the hot girls in short shorts in the starting corral. This will relieve tension and relax you.
16. If the weather is hot you should drink very hot liquids before and during the race.
Think about it. The weather is hot, your body is expending energy working on heating up. If you drink something hot this will assist your body in its efforts to heat up, thus giving you more energy to devote to the running, not trying to get warm!
17. Talking to Other Runners
Make sure to talk to the other friendly runners before and during the race. You can refer to them as "'thon bruhs" and slap them on the ass to show that you're part of the same club. Ask them about their training and tell them about how much you love running 5x18 on five occasions.
17. Runners are friend folks, don't be afraid to talk to the runners in the elite corral. Just hop over there and by all means the one thing they want is good advice on running the race, how to attack the course and when to take water.
Lots of elite fast runners are young, so they don't really know much. You have to tell them stuff.
18. Some people along the course will try to sabotage your perfect race by offering you water, orange slices, or a sports drink. That is why you should carry a knife and if you encounter this, you should stab them in the eye.
17. Run Hard On Every Run
All of your training runs should be hard. Easy days or easy miles are for wusses. The only tried and true training methodology is to bang away on every run. The idea here is to run so hard every day that you rarely run faster than marathon pace, thereby saving your legs for when it matters most.
19. When martial artist perform an attacking move they shout a kiai. It's important for runners to embrace this practice too. It intimidates your foe and releases a rush of endorphins to you. So every time you pass someone along the course you should shout HIIIIIIIIIIII YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! or some thing similar.
20. Running With Music
Headphones are dangerous but as everyone knows it's impossible to run without music so carry a speaker with you. Remember you'll be running for 5+ hours because that's how long a 'thon takes so be sure to bring a big battery to keep it going. I recommend a car battery. You can put it in your fuel belt.
20. Women runners need self confidence in order to make 26.2 miles. Be sure to tell them they have pretty legs, compliment their outfit and tell them they have nice boobs (even if they don't.)
21. Happy Ending
You should be smiling at the end of a good run, and for that you'll need a Happy Ending. I recommend a quick pit stop in Chinatown.
20. Practice With Your Fuel Belt On Long Runs
This supports Nothing New on Race Day. You need to know what is going to go in ALL FOUR of your 10oz bottles, no surprises.
The last thing you want to do is to have to take a dump on the course, then find a taxi to take you to a block before the finish line so you can hit your goal time. If this happens then you should still yell the kiai of HIIIIIII YAAAAAAAH when crossing the finish line while mule kicking one of the volunteers in the throat.
Tell us more
21. Immediately after the race, sit down. You've run a long way. You should rest your legs the first chance you get. Even before you get food in you or a cheap mylar blanket, sit down. It will help with recovery.