If Running Shoe Brands Were People At a Party

NB is the settled-in middle manager dad with the very hot daughter.

Asics is the middle-aged guy who still remembers hitting that jumper in 11th grade. Never reached that peak again.

Nike is the rich stoner kid with the flipped collar who winds up throwing up in the backyard but insists it was the best day of his life.

Adidas is the transfer student from Europe with the cool clothes. But no one else will wear them. No matter how sharp they look.

Puma is the black kid who goes to a white party and sort of enjoys being the standout.

Hoka is the hippie high schooler with the beard, always wearing that &*^* wool hat and always seems pleased with himself.

Reebok left early

Mizuno is the transfer student good in math but failing everything else.

Saucony: Too outsider to come to the party. Scores tickets to the Radiohead concert instead.

Brooks: Young and beautiful, keeps showing up in cool clothes, no one knows where she gets her money. May have a rich uncle. Tries to set trends but too idiosyncratic.

Keds and Converse holding hands and getting frisky

The Brandz wrote:

You walk into a party and the major mainstream running shoe brands are there -- Nike, Adidas, Brooks, Mizuno, Reebok, Saucony, New Balance and Asics. What is each one of them doing?

Go.

Nike - the guy who hosts all the parties. Everyone kind of doesn't like this guy, but the parties he hosts are way better than anyone else, and he pays for good alcohol, and he's not actually as lame as his reputation once you get to know him.

Adidas - the woman everyone wants to be with. She's smart, sexy, has a good job, and is fast. She has expensive taste though, and you better have the same.

Brooks - the fat girl who just wants to take selfies all night, doesn't actually know how to drink, but talks about drinking all the time.

Mizuno - the quirky guy you don't really talk to that much, but when you do he seems cool.

Reebok - the crossfit bro who brings his own booze blended up in a shake to help him hit his macros. Not that interesting to talk to. Nobody knows how he finds out about the parties, but he's always there.

Saucony - a true bro. Never makes the scene but always a good time. Good at beer pong, keg stands, but also knows how to chill and have a good time.

New Balance - Saucony's best buddy from college. These two party together almost all the time and have many of the same characteristics.

Asics - older guy who nobody really knows but doesn't really bother anyone either. He's a bit more subdued, and doesn't really like the loud music, but he's easy to talk to.

Pearl Izumi - Mizuno brought this guy to the party a few times. They're friends from work. Kind of a weirdo, says and does some crazy sh*t, but seems to liven the party up. You wouldn't mind seeing more of him.

Hoka One One - the guy wearing the DYEL (do you even lift?) shirt in this picture.

Newton - this girl shows up in her dad's Ferrari, drives it poorly but acts like she's a racecar driver because she has access to a fast car, and expects you to do all the work in conversation.

Brooks definitely has a branding problem. No one has a clue what the brand stands for. or rather, everyone has a different clue. Uncle Warren may need to check in.

Brooks- quietly making out in the corner with a 9.5/10 girl

Brooks is the hipster at the party who wore a fedora to try to look cool, but isn't getting any attention form the ladies and is jealous of Nike, Adidas and Aspics and is pretty pissed.

Brooks is sipping on straight whiskey with ice, calmly and seems to be reconnecting with his ex girlfriend who he broke up with before Christmas.

Brooks is the guy who is not that impressive at first glance but he's the one you can can count on as the designated driver and you trust him with your little sister.

Brooks - the guy that does anything for a dare.. a bit obnoxious, but having fun

Brooks: Young and beautiful, keeps showing up in cool clothes, no one knows where she gets her money. May have a rich uncle. Tries to set trends but too idiosyncratic.

Brooks - the fat girl who just wants to take selfies all night, doesn't actually know how to drink, but talks about drinking all the time.

You guys are forgetting that Nike brought #Rule40 to the party and they are now c**k blocking the other shoe companies from getting too close. The real question is which shoe company is going to take the grenade for the others to have a chance at Nike?

I think Oieselle takes the grenade.

Angry Birds wrote:

Not a shoe brand, but Oiselle would be bitchy girl who thinks she is waaaay hotter and more popular than she actually is. Everyone secretly hates her and wish she wouldn't come.

Clever. But I'd prefer to talk with dat voluptuous cool chick in the corner wearing UGGs over her -tight black yoga pants and smoking ganja.

The Brandz wrote:

You walk into a party and the major mainstream running shoe brands are there -- Nike, Adidas, Brooks, Mizuno, Reebok, Saucony, New Balance and Asics. What is each one of them doing?

Go.

ha ha, nice question, here's my take:

Nike - as others say, the show boat who is style over substance. Deep down highly insecure and thus drinking insane amounts and making stupid jokes and failed attempts with the ladies.

Reebok - this guy shows up thinking it's still around 1994 and hip-hop is new and fresh. Has a massive car parked in the drive way and wants everyone to check it out

Asics - the slightly odd, foreign exchange student who initially comes across a little quiet and strange but after a few drinks soon warms up. Don't be surprised if there's much dancing by the end of the night with this one.

Hoka - the one nobody really knows who he's with and why the hell he's so overdressed on a warms summer's night. This is your weirdo in the pack.

Addidas - this is your hot chick who is a little bit sure of herself but who Nike makes a total dic* of himself with much to Asics' hilarity.

Puma - shows up a little late and is mostly interested in hearing some good music and making sure people are having a good time. He's popular with the ladies with his laid back style.

Brooks - the creepy older dude who really shouldn't be at parties anymore especially with that weird tache.

Saucony - she's the gorgeous but quiet girl at the party who nobody noticed until tonight when she rocks up with a perfectly tight LBD that shows off her stunning figure.

Skechers - just interested in smoking weed all night and finds everything funny especially Asics's jokes.

Mizuno - a slghtly older lady who is wise but who is also attracting a lot of attention from some of the younger crowd. Pity she's lesbian and into Saucony big style much to Reebok's annoyance.

Karrimor - the minger in the pack - cheap, overweight and drinking too much. This is Nike's destiny tonight.

You neglect to mention the bunch of BA old geezers E.B. Lydiard, his Finnish friend, Kahru, and their Japanese friend, Onitsuka (who is related to and much cooler than Asics) who show talking about the good ol' days before being told that their time is past and no longer welcome.

They throw down and kick everyone's a**. They cut Nike a little slack in their beatdown because he is a distant relative of Onitsuka.

Great answers here, but I'll give it a go:

Etonic: Old, grey-haired guy who bores everyone with his retro-stories.

Hoka: Brightly-dressed and pear-shaped girl who, in light of the current booty-fixation, is receiving a lot of attention.

Brooks: Dreadlocked guy with the bong gear and hackysack.

Nike: Marketing manager droning on about SCAs and ROI metrics.

Kangaroo: Obviously the Aussie dude who, with his oratorical advantage and earthy appeal, has little chance of going home alone.

Saucony: Girl in unfashionable but comfortable clothing who appeals to the greatest cross-section of the hookup-seekers.

adidas: Well groomed Swedish exchange student who gets good marks and leaves the party early.

ASICS: Rich, well-dressed Asian guy with the latest iPhone and the Mercedes CLS63.

Puma: Brother of the Swedish student, but doesn't get as high marks, and sleeps on the floor 'til the next morning.

Nike Columbias

edited:

agip wrote:

Reebok left early because nobody would pay attention to him. He's outcast and lonely, but he doesn't want to just give it up and go home. So he calls up the bros he met at crossfit and invites himself to their UFC watch party. They agree to let him come because they like the attention, even though nobody actually likes him.

Nike = jerk football/basketball player

Adidas = obsessed soccer frog

Brooks = down to earth guy or gal

Reebok = cheerleader

New Balance = class president

Asics = male exchange student

Mizuno = female exchange student

Saucony = nerd

Hoka = goth

Ebonic = someone's father looking for their daughter

Barefoot = tree hugger

Should have included...Vibrams / barefoot = smelly tree hugger

Ruvhjfhjvjhvkhvkhvkhv wrote:

Nike = jerk football/basketball player

Adidas = obsessed soccer frog

Brooks = down to earth guy or gal

Reebok = cheerleader

New Balance = class president

Asics = male exchange student

Mizuno = female exchange student

Saucony = nerd

Hoka = goth

Ebonic = someone's father looking for their daughter

Barefoot = tree hugger

Asics and Mizuno are of course the smart asian exchange students so...Puma = cool Jamaican exchange student

Ruvhjfhjvjhvkhvkhvkhv wrote:

Nike = jerk football/basketball player

Adidas = obsessed soccer frog

Brooks = down to earth guy or gal

Reebok = cheerleader

New Balance = class president

Asics = male exchange student

Mizuno = female exchange student

Saucony = nerd

Hoka = goth

Ebonic = someone's father looking for their daughter

Barefoot = tree hugger

Brooks slyly holds his cup up to his mouth while secretly whispering shit about Nike to Saucony and NB,both of whom have grown tired of Brooks's act and are half listening while glancing around the room out of their peripheral for a way out of the conversation.

Vibram would be in the corner snorting coke

fivefingers wrote:

Vibram would be in the corner snorting coke

Yes, whilst barefoot and getting a hummer.

I visualize Nike as being either the girl who shows up with tons of perfume and makeup, smoking a Virginia Slim, or as the boy who wears gold chains under his partially buttoned shirt, and tons of Axe spray - kind of like "The Situation" from Jersey Shore.

Both are in your face obnoxious, but very little substance, and ultimately unstylish.

Nike hosts the party, claims its for charity and charges a cover charge that covers everything plus their own mortgage. They schedule multiple meetings with the cops before the party to make sure they won't get in trouble but spend all night doing speedballs in a back bedroom.