protecting daughter from coaches prior to the state meet

I replied without having read your last post, however I'm still confused.

No, I don't think someone can answer your direct question without understanding the problem.

Yes, it does seem out of whack that the coach does not like your daugher because you used to beat him in races. Sorry, this is a little hard to believe.

How do the other parents view the coaches? Are your opinions based on what your daughter is telling you or your own observations? Girls are sensitive and can jump to the wrong conclusions.

I've got a couple of girls who are always in a dark mood and are not friendly. Sometimes as a coach you figure that it's best to leave them alone. They are not happy when you engage them in conversation or try to encourage them. A couple of years of negativity and you become all set with that. You try every now nad then to talk to them but always to the same result, so you spend more time talking and encouraging the kids who are more positive.

On the subject of the JV race I will eomtimes move someone up for the next race from JV in an effort to run our best team in the big race. Do you know that was his strategy or were you just assuming that?

Sorry, my skeptical tone comes from years of distorted reality while coaching.

I'm still coaching because 95% of the time it's a great thing.

Yes, I did go and talk the coach (humblly) last year and it went poorly. It was clear that they wanted no discussion, and while it was hardly even a topic (all I wanted to know was whether or not they have a schedule because day to day, the girls have no idea what is coming). They had talked to the AD beforehand and the recommendation was that if the program wasn't right for us, we were welcome to not participate. It was over the top, and I agree... unbelievable.

It's weird.. the coaches are super competitive about the district meet, bur then not at all on any of the others (even regional or state).

Other parents have commented about how its odd that the coach avoids my daughter after races (and that they know he is unkind during the week). Again, I think it is dynamic with us that is affecting how they coach her. I would normally prefer to speak with them directly, but in this instance, I think it would be counter-productive. As bad as this season has been, it is better than last season when I did meet with them.

Given the dynamic and the relationship, why in the world would we want him to coach our daughter before the state meet? He is much more of a detriment than a help.

I am glad that you would be open to a student driving with their parents.

I appreciate you coaching, Otter! One of my dearest friends is my HS coach!! He made a huge difference in my life. I also witnessed some crap he went through (the 5% that isn't great), and I know that dealing with kids and unweildy parents can suck. I guess if I were you, I would be asking me the same questions with the same skeptcism. Honestly, I don't understand it myself. I don't know why they are acting like they are. The origin of the problem was between me and them. I backed off, but it offended my daughter. They continue to be negative towards her, and I am sure she gives off a "don't screw with me" vibe. As I said earlier, we can live with it, but we don't want any more coaching from this person than necessary.

While I don't think it is wrong at all to try to win the JV race (of course!), I don't think it is a good practice to run a couple of your best runners on the JV (jeopardizing the Varsity race) in order to do so. While this did not affect us, It did really upset the girls that were moved down because for these coaches, the District race is everything.

Other parents (with the exception of 1, and sadly they don't know how they are being screwed because their daughter is truly talented) are not impressed either, but our situation is the worst.

Yep, our girls don't often know the exact workout day to day either.

As a coach you have an idea what you want to do on a given day but you have to see how your team has reacted to prior day's training, or if a few kids are out due to sickness, making up tests, parents taking them out of practice for a dentist apointment, etc. It's usually a juggling act.

Well, the coach is supposed to be the one coaching any athlete that has made it to the state meet and beyond. Nobody else.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are in the right. Again, I doubt it but without the right information I could be wrong. So if you're not Ok with her being coached alone then pull her off the team. If she wants to race on sign her up for one of the Nike Regional meet in November. You can do that as a parent.

uber wrote:

They continue to be negative towards her, and I am sure she gives off a "don't screw with me" vibe.

Good for her.

I think you are being too generous to the coaches.

How do we know you are not the overbearing parent who doesn't trust the coach because you were faster than him in high school and your daughter conveys the same sentiment?

Hey OP. My sister went through something pretty similar in high school, in fact it was much worse than your situation. Her head coach turned out to be a bit of a manic-depressive who took out her emotional issues on the team. She and her assistant coach took things way over the line a number of times, and engaged in borderline bullying behavior towards several of my sister's teammates. Eventually my sister had enough and took her concerns to the Athletic director. The AD promised her that her concerns would be kept confidential, and then promptly told the head coach everything, making my sister their #1 target for the last couple weeks of the season. The coach was eventually fired after the season and the school had to get a restraining order against her.

My advice: Hopefully several of your daughter's teammates will keep training with her through the extra week of her season. That way she is never practicing alone with the coaches. On race day, drive her to the meet yourselves. Be very careful in handling this situation. You'd be amazed at how crazy these kinds of things can become.

If you feel your concerns are strong enough, you should talk to the athletic director and/or principal after the season is over. Get the other concerned parents to come with you, or have them all sign a letter outlining your concerns. Just be prepared for the potential fallout.

I would like an effective excuse that would not put the onus on the coaches (allows them to "save face").

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This is an easy one. Sit down with the coach and tell them

"as you know my daughter has parents that are bat shit crazy, and we would like our daughter to not be surrounded by normal people because she has grown accustomed to being around our craziness her entire life"

Problem solved.

As someone suggested get the other girls to train with her that week.

When I was in HS several decades ago, some of the kids who trained with the individuals got to ride with them and cheer on race day. Why not fill up the car that is going? Even if it is a travel meet, I don't think the coaches can share her room so get a couple of the other girls to go.

Is there any chance the boys team will advance?

Can they all travel together?

This is a very difficult situation. As a former athlete who was verbally abused by a coach, and who now has a daughter who has had a very different experience, the only suggestion is to makes decisions for her that are solely in her best interest, which includes difficult decisions such as not allowing her to run.

As a senior, my parents did not permit me to participate in running for the school because of the problems associated with the coach and her behavior. But beware. Colleges tend to err on the side of caution, and often give the coaches the benefit of the doubt.

It does you no good to speak ill of the coach, or talk to other parents about your displeasure. This only fuels the fire and will hurt your daughter in the long run.

A friend of mine once told me that high school athletics is often like navigating a field of land mines. If your child can get through it without being scorched, burned or maimed, you have parented them successfully in terms of their future in athletics for college.

As for protecting her, the best suggestion anyone could give is reminding her that value is not derived from other peoples words or actions, it comes from a place within her. Only she can control what happens on the course once the gun goes off. Nothing said or done before or after changes that fact. Learning she has control over her own destiny and the outcome of any race or performance will ultimately allow her to succeed in any race no matter what adversity she is presented with.

Perspective of an ex-athlete, ex-parent of athletes and an ex-coach. Sounds like you might be gesturing that the coach has a romantic interest in your daughter. It that is the case, I have don't have a problem with whatever you do to protect your child. Everything else you said sounds like you are the problem. Sorry, but you sound like your typical genX parent who overly focuses on their child and expect coaches and other people to do the same. Difficult teammates, coaches and difficult situations in general are a fact of life...why don't you step away and allow your daughter to navigate this issue. Why don't you ask your daughter to try harder to be friendly and leave it up to her to resolve conflict and interpersonal relationship issues.

Pardon me for sounding harsh, but I have seem parents who are too involved in their kids lives and will totally undermine a team at the expense of making sure things are perfect for their child.

It's really very difficult to work out problems with another person without actually talking with that person. If I thought my kids were in a bad situation in regards to another person I'd talk with the person I thought was putting them in that situation. If they thought I was a difficult parent, so what?

I will add that there are ways of talking with people that are more inflammatory and those that are less so.

At any rate, I think you'd be justified in insisting that she not travel to the meet alone with her coach and that you and/or your wife need to be along for the trip. You can't really control what goes on at practices particularly if you don't want to talk with the coach.

This is the most over-analyzed thing I've ever read. No wonder the coach doesn't want to talk to you. You're upset over:

1) Not having a detailed training schedule to know what the girls are doing from week to week. This is true for many high school programs, for a lot of reasons, such as helicopter parents trying to pick it apart or high school athletes overthinking workouts in advance.

2) A perceived lax attitude towards the regional and state meet

3) A perceived avoidance of your daughter after races

On top of that, you think that the coach has some resentment towards you because of your high school success. You are batsh!t crazy.

Is the OP Gerry Lindgren?

I don't think I have ever read a more passive-aggressive, sociopathic post in my entire life.

runnercoach1 wrote:

Male or female coaches? If male I wouldn't allow her to ride alone with the coaches in their POV regardless

That's what people say, but if you coach long enough you will have situations where you travel alone with an athlete. This has happened to me on several occasions where a star athlete is competing in an invitational and the parents can't make the trip. 99.9 percent of the time this is a non-issue, the .01 percent issues are what we hear about.

but what did they do? wrote:

Why don't you tell us what the coaches actually did? Without knowing that, it's impossible to give you advice.

OP? All these replies, yet you refuse to tell us anything specific about what you are upset about.

I'm just beginning to think you don't like these coaches because they aren't you.

This is actually more common than most will admit. Half the time, it;s the kid and/or parent. Half the time, the coach just sucks. There is nothing worse than a coach who doesn't know jack and has an ego or chip on his shoulder.

You got many ways you can deal with this. The easiest place to start is look in the mirror. Ask yourself, what else you or your daughter can do to make this situation better, in terms of working with the coaching staff. It's going to a place where the attribution of blame and the need for villains and victims is abandoned. Lots of people through history have endured much much worse, and found workable survival mechanisms.

If the situation can't be resolved, you can just participate in club level track and field and completely ignore the school's program. You can also send your daughter to another school.

The last bit, I'm going to add is this. If the coaches are the problem, there has to be other kids on that team in the same position. If that is so, get with their parents. Put your collective heads together and come up with solutions.

If you are going to turn and tell me that it's only your daughter that has this problem; I will unequivocally tell you, that the problem lies with you and your daughter.

I can count the number of male athletes I've coached that have had their parents contact me because they believed me to be playing favorites on 0 hands.

It would take more than 2 hands to count how many female athletes I've coached that have had their parents contact me because they believe I am playing favorites.

OP is why parents get a bad rep