Your use of the word 'entitled' exposes you as a troll.
Good effort though.
Your use of the word 'entitled' exposes you as a troll.
Good effort though.
Stumped Old Geezer wrote:
My daughter(18) will be leaving for her freshman year of college next week, while my son (16) will be entering his junior year of high school next week. We live in a very affluent suburb of Los Angeles. I am not a multi millionaire like many others in our neighborhood but we have been comfortably upper middle class since my wife became pregnant with our daughter. We have afforded our children with basically every privilege they could ever want, and quite frankly, I'm starting to regret it.
Overall they're good kids (decent grades, lots of friends, generally well mannered). But they have a completely warped sense of reality. They are extremely entitled and expect to receive everything they ask for, no mater the cost. Even getting them to perform simple chores around the house has always been a battle. Despite being punished, they often break curfew on the weekend and keep us up half the night waiting for them to come home. The parents of their friends regularly allow the kids to host parties where huge amounts of alcohol is served. At times, they have both come home heavily intoxicated. I have also caught my son and his friends smoking marijuana in his room. TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I recently came home from a run to find my son having sex with his girlfriend in MY car. My wife and I have spent a ridiculous amount of money on their concert and music festival tickets, not to mention private school educations for both of them.
To sum it up, my kids feel that since they do fairly well in school and have never been in serious trouble, they are deserve whatever they want. Don't get me wrong, I love em and they're not bad kids but I feel that giving them everything they wanted throughout childhood was a big mistake. They don't truly know what it means to work hard. I plan to pay for their undergraduate college educations but beyond that I'm really not sure what else to do. They're just too damn old to change anything at this point...
They sound like normal kids to me.
It's not that we don't say no. We say no to many of the things they ask for and often punish them when they break our rules. The only rule they usually break is curfew. Honestly the weekend drinking doesn't concern me that much as long they act responsibly about it(not driving or getting into a car with someone who has been drinking).They are teenagers after all. What concerns me the most is their lack of understanding for the privileges they have been given. Their friends are all the exact same way. I'm not saying that I haven't made mistakes, but they have been surrounded by spoiled brats since they were born.
I yearn for the days of corporal punishment
Just make sure your son is using condoms
You need to change things now. Have a talk with your daughter, tell her you love her and wish her luck for college, but you also need to spell out that she's responsible for herself. I hope she understands that you paying for college is a real gift. Maybe ask about her future plans and how she plans to be independent and earn money for herself.
With your son, no, I wouldn't take him out of his current school and away from his friends (unless he's unhappy there. Honestly, that could be a decision that tips his life upside down and there's no guarantee things will be better where he's moved to.
Your son is 16, still young and you need to lay down the law.
If you tell him not to stay out past a certain time he has to do that, otherwise a consequence.
It's OK to give your children a bit of money to live on, if you're wealthy yourself - I don't see a problem with this. I really don't think it should be excessive though and there are certain things kids don't need. You need to find some way to help them appreciate the things they get - music festival tickets and so on.
What about having them (or just him if your daughter is away) volunteer at a charity or somewhere where they can see how other people live.
I don't believe they're too old to change.
Discussed here often, but in the context of this thread it's worth another minute of consideration. Why do parents feel they're obligated to pay for their children's college education? In 95% of cases this is an obstacle for good decision making and often enables negative behavior. The idea that it leaves your kid with more time to study and focus on classes does not reflect reality. Take a survey of any kid on this board and they'll tell you that their friends that are paying some portion of their own way (thru debt, work-study, aid, scholarships) take their studies much more seriously, are more organized, party less, etc. The correct way to do this is to maybe step in and help out with some of the debt payments afterward. This is advice that is easily dismissed and ignored but is rather obvious to those that are serious about preventing the type of thing the OP is complaining about.
I'd be pretty resentful and unhappy later in life when if I looked back and never had a chance to party or have fun in my youth...all because my parents forced me to pay for college (assuming they had the financial means to do so).
More time to study and be organized for what??? So you can achieve a slightly higher GPA, make little friends, not have any fun and immediately become a corporate drone after graduation. You think the class valedictorians are the happiest kids on campus? Not by a long shot.
There are plenty of people, if not the majority, who act a little crazy in college but still do well in school and go on to do great things professionally.
They know you're a pushover.
/thread
I've spent enough time in LA to know I'd never be able to raise a family there. It sounds like you did well given the open environment of drugs, sex, no judgement and excessiveness. Fun place for an adult to play in, but a nightmare of a place for parents who want to instill some character into their kids.
THIS is the way to raise kids and done properly it WILL work. It is the ancient technique called "good cop, bad cop". One parent be the "good cop" and one be the "bad cop". The good cop pretty much ALWAYS says yes and always is fun positive and enthusiastic. So is the bad cop! UNTIL the kids asks for or does something that is BAD then the good cop says, "YES that is fantastic but you are going to have to talk to your mother (I find that it works best if the mother is the bad cop!). Then of course she says "that was stupid and someone has to be the bad cop so you can't do something stupid and you have to pay for that stupid thing you did". Then the good cop says "I have to back your mother up on this because I am afraid of her too!" REPEAT AS NECCESSARY! That is ALL you have to do! Work as a "good cop, bad cop team" and pretty soon the children will fall in lock step. Try it!
Ah, the "#domoreofwhatmakesyouhappy" approach to life... Always the way to go.
hold on... wrote:
I'd be pretty resentful and unhappy later in life when if I looked back and never had a chance to party or have fun in my youth...all because my parents forced me to pay for college (assuming they had the financial means to do so).
More time to study and be organized for what??? So you can achieve a slightly higher GPA, make little friends, not have any fun and immediately become a corporate drone after graduation. You think the class valedictorians are the happiest kids on campus? Not by a long shot.
There are plenty of people, if not the majority, who act a little crazy in college but still do well in school and go on to do great things professionally.
I just finished college and I found that those people whose parents did not pay for school were more focused. I doubt that your kids can personally afford to pay for everything but there are a number of expenses that are manageable. Things like books, food and rent (or some combo) are large enough that they have to take some responsibility without placing them under undue financial stress.
That is an excellent idea. But realistically, you have to look in the mirror and see that giving your children everything they want is not a good way to build strength of character, perseverance, toughness, and work ethic. Give of yourself, not of material possessions.
Psych! wrote:
Rescinding the offer to pay for their college education might change their outlook on things a bit.
The reason that you can't ultimately refuse to pay (threaten, you can, but not follow through on that) for their college education (aside from their summer and possibly school year work contribution and some reasonable amount of loans) is that college financial aid offices, regardless, will expect the parents to pay for college and students will simply be unable to attend without that aid, except in very difficult circumstances where they are legally independent.
College-1/3, 1/3, 1/3.
Son-consequences,consequences, consequences.
Invest all of your money and then when they ask for some, just tell them you don't have it and it is all invested. Worked for my dad......lol
jjjjjjjjj wrote:
The reason that you can't ultimately refuse to pay (threaten, you can, but not follow through on that) for their college education (aside from their summer and possibly school year work contribution and some reasonable amount of loans) is that college financial aid offices, regardless, will expect the parents to pay for college and students will simply be unable to attend without that aid, except in very difficult circumstances where they are legally independent.
The good cop parent WILL pay for their education! UNFORTUNATELY the bad cop parent (the one with the ULTIMATE POWER) CANNOT pay for their eduation so nothing can be done! Too bad.
You need to make it explicitly clear that your car is not his fvckmobile.
You're welcome. /EOT
Stumped Old Geezer wrote:
TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I recently came home from a run to find my son having sex with his girlfriend in MY car.
sounds like he was doing some topping off of his own ifyaknowwhatimean