Bravo to Corpulent Cruiser. I only run across these kinds of epic posts a couple times per year, but I'm never disappointed. These are incredible. If I were a betting man, I'd bet that you're also "Sexually Ambiguous Fighter" and you're responsible for many of the posts that have made LR famous to me.
Nice job to the other long posts too, fellaz. CC is the master, but I laughed heartily at the others as well.
Hefty wrote:
I am a female, I weight 156 lbs at 5'8". I just ran 18:49 for 5k. Good or not?
I ran sub 17 in college when I weighed about 140.
Pics?
Fatsme Shyma wrote:
Some of these responses are pretty encouraging. I wanted to see where I could get. I'm a guy who is 5'9" and about 200lb. Last fall I ran a 34 min 5k. Now this spring I ran under 30 min. I figure if I drop about 4 min about every 4 months, I should be able to run sub 18 in about a year. It wasn't too hard to drop that much in 4 months last time, so it seems pretty doable. Just wanted to see how many other heavy guys had gone that fast. Thanks for the replies!
It won't take you that long at all. I trained to beat my brother in a race (non runner but a fit guy, now a crossfit guy) when he announced at a family get together that he could now beat me in a 5k. I started training in August for a Turkey Trot in November when we were supposed to have our showdown. On the first day, all I could muster was a 10 min mile. In 3 weeks I was running 8 min pace comfortably, and after a couple months really felt like I was running again. In the race I ran 17:53 to his 22:20 or so, ha. It won't take you any time to get into shape if you really go after it.
When I started I was 5'9" 203 or so-dropped twenty pounds over those 3.5 months or so of traning. I didn't change a thing diet wise, still ate a below average diet and drank more than I should have. I mention that to say that you could do much better if you put your mind to it and commit on the diet side too.
To the guy that asked, I ran 4:01 and change and a few 1500 equivalents around that time in college. I probably could have run sub 14 but never ran a 5k on track. Running weight was probably 145 at that time.
Hefty wrote:
I am a female, I weight 156 lbs at 5'8". I just ran 18:49 for 5k. Good or not?
I ran sub 17 in college when I weighed about 140.
About 17:15 shape at 140. Losing weight sucks, though.
Laughably fat wrote:
To the guy that asked, I ran 4:01 and change and a few 1500 equivalents around that time in college. I probably could have run sub 14 but never ran a 5k on track. Running weight was probably 145 at that time.
I'd say you haven't lost your aerobic potential, it's just not easy to lose 40lbs!
This brings up an interesting point - why aren't there weight class records for all distances, just like age group records? I'd be very interested to know for example the fastest ever 5k by someone over 300 pounds.
Fatsme Shyma wrote:
Some of these responses are pretty encouraging. I wanted to see where I could get. I'm a guy who is 5'9" and about 200lb. Last fall I ran a 34 min 5k. Now this spring I ran under 30 min. I figure if I drop about 4 min about every 4 months, I should be able to run sub 18 in about a year. It wasn't too hard to drop that much in 4 months last time, so it seems pretty doable. Just wanted to see how many other heavy guys had gone that fast. Thanks for the replies!
At 200lbs and 30:00 for 5K, you have the aerobic potential right now to run 25:00 for 5K if you were only 160 lbs. To go from 25:00 5K to 18:00 5K is a very large gain in aerobic capacity. Don't worry about the numbers, just enjoy the process and you are much more likely to get down under 20:00 for 5K, eventually.
Losing weight is tough in the sense that workouts can be very sporadic, so don't lose focus if you go several weeks where your running never feels very fresh, that's normal when you are losing weight.
Be Careful though. You may not want to lose TOO much weight if you want to catch the attention of the Corpulent Cruiser and his elite large-man running squad!
Like I mentioned, balancing the 200 lb mark and the 18:00 makr is a fine line my friend. I highly advise using the carb-fartlek method with high attention to quality speed work.
This way you can not lose weight from doing mileage but have enough quality work to cover the 5k in 18:00 or faster!
Best of luck my behemoth brethern!
I ran 17:06 at 181 lbs. PR is 14:57 at 155 lbs.
Friend of mine has recently run 9:24 3k, 16:32 5k and is 185 or so (6'0"). When we were in high school he was probably 155 max, but only a 17:30ish 5k guy.
fattypants wrote:
This brings up an interesting point - why aren't there weight class records for all distances, just like age group records? I'd be very interested to know for example the fastest ever 5k by someone over 300 pounds.
I am also interested in this data and would like to watch the events as a drinking game.
You sure this guy didn't possibly take a shortcut somewhere? like through the woods or somethin?
CorpulentCruiser wrote:
One weekend in early fall of 2009, I was in attendance at a local race that always brings in good numbers. The race featured some local "stars" as well as a horde of your typical fun-run crowd. My old bloodhound sat laxly at my feet as I stood near the line. I wasn't there to race, but rather, I was scanning the finish line for notable fat runners - fellow corpulent cruisers like myself.
The winner predictably passed in the high 14s, and those poor emaciated-looking souls followed within a minute or so of his time. Obviously, these are the least remarkable people to watch. I said a silent prayer for these sorry fools and looked on.
Starting in the low 16s, I observed a noticeable surge of "huskier" runners finish. Now, you couldn't properly classify them as "fat," but some of them truly pushed the "fat" end of the "skinny-fat" spectrum. I made several double takes Still, not good enough.
I checked my watch at about 17:29 and was ready to leave the course, unsatisfied as I have been in the past so many times. It seemed that, yet again, there would be no truly fat person to run below eighteen minutes (the universally accepted benchmark to be impressed by a fat man's 5K performance). As I began to walk away, stopwatch and scale in hand, my old bloodhound began barking frantically. I turned around, and that's when I saw him.
A puffy oval figure was in view, charging towards us. I adjusted my bifocals to get a clearer image. It was a slovenly looking fellow, sporting a baggy pair of red Walmart-bought basketball shorts and a completely soaked Judas Priest t-shirt of the highest quality of cotton I had ever seen. He puffed his cheeks with an exaggerated exhale in sync with the impact of each heel-striking over-stride, gasping for his breath mid-stride. His fists were clenched tightly; his arms made perfect 90-degree angles to his torso with every stride. But most importantly, my spot estimate of his size came out to about five foot eleven in height with a waist circumference of approximately 44 inches. An absolutely gorgeous specimen. Indeed, this man... was "fat."
I looked down at my stopwatch again - 17:41. I flicked my gaze back up to the runner and gave a full-diaphragm bellow: "RUUUUUUUUUUN!!!" The lumbering fellow's eyes glanced over at me with a smidgeon of fear, but he kept his head focused on the line and maintained his steadfast concentration. He increased his striding/puffing tempo and charged harder. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! FINIIIIIIIIIIISH!!!" I cried in hysteria. As his foot touched down onto the timing pad, he snapped his head down with a mighty crack of his double chin meeting his chest. I hit the button of the stopwatch and looked down at the LCD screen. My jaw dropped - 17:58.95.
My gaping mouth quickly transformed into an open-mouth grin and I quickly waddled over to the side of the wheezing behemoth, bent over with his hands on his knees. "My friend!" I exclaimed. "I must weigh you!"
He turned his head up, still bent over. "What?"
"I must weigh you!" I repeated.
"Uh..."
Before he had a chance to respond, I laid my scale on the ground and guided him on, balancing him carefully so as not to tarnish the measurement. The scale thought for a few moments before revealing its answer - 218.7.
"YES!" I let out. "YES! Congratulations, my good man! You, sir, are fat!"
"Uh... do I win something?" he asked, as he slumped off my scale.
I was already recording his time and weight in my notebook.
"You are the fattest sub-18 runner I have ever witnessed!" I replied, beaming.
"Huh... cool... I guess," he lulled on.
I put away my notebook, picked my scale, and shook the man's hand. "Congratulations again, sir!"
I turned to my tired old dog. "Come on, Webb. Let's go home." He opened his mouth to let his tongue flop out and gave a slow but happy pant. The two of us strolled away, proud of a good day's work.
Best post of all time.
please, write a book.
slugo wrote:
Best post of all time.
Stupid post of all time. 0/10 👎 Some people have the most vivid imagination.
Just Amazed wrote:
slugo wrote:Best post of all time.
Stupid post of all time. 0/10 👎 Some people have the most vivid imagination.
that's a bad thing?
There was a high schooler from texas last year (2016 xc season) who was a pretty big dude that went 15:09
Longest dad joke ever.
CorpulentCruiser wrote:
One weekend in early fall of 2009, I was in attendance at a local race that always brings in good numbers. The race featured some local "stars" as well as a horde of your typical fun-run crowd. My old bloodhound sat laxly at my feet as I stood near the line. I wasn't there to race, but rather, I was scanning the finish line for notable fat runners - fellow corpulent cruisers like myself.
The winner predictably passed in the high 14s, and those poor emaciated-looking souls followed within a minute or so of his time. Obviously, these are the least remarkable people to watch. I said a silent prayer for these sorry fools and looked on.
Starting in the low 16s, I observed a noticeable surge of "huskier" runners finish. Now, you couldn't properly classify them as "fat," but some of them truly pushed the "fat" end of the "skinny-fat" spectrum. I made several double takes Still, not good enough.
I checked my watch at about 17:29 and was ready to leave the course, unsatisfied as I have been in the past so many times. It seemed that, yet again, there would be no truly fat person to run below eighteen minutes (the universally accepted benchmark to be impressed by a fat man's 5K performance). As I began to walk away, stopwatch and scale in hand, my old bloodhound began barking frantically. I turned around, and that's when I saw him.
A puffy oval figure was in view, charging towards us. I adjusted my bifocals to get a clearer image. It was a slovenly looking fellow, sporting a baggy pair of red Walmart-bought basketball shorts and a completely soaked Judas Priest t-shirt of the highest quality of cotton I had ever seen. He puffed his cheeks with an exaggerated exhale in sync with the impact of each heel-striking over-stride, gasping for his breath mid-stride. His fists were clenched tightly; his arms made perfect 90-degree angles to his torso with every stride. But most importantly, my spot estimate of his size came out to about five foot eleven in height with a waist circumference of approximately 44 inches. An absolutely gorgeous specimen. Indeed, this man... was "fat."
I looked down at my stopwatch again - 17:41. I flicked my gaze back up to the runner and gave a full-diaphragm bellow: "RUUUUUUUUUUN!!!" The lumbering fellow's eyes glanced over at me with a smidgeon of fear, but he kept his head focused on the line and maintained his steadfast concentration. He increased his striding/puffing tempo and charged harder. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! FINIIIIIIIIIIISH!!!" I cried in hysteria. As his foot touched down onto the timing pad, he snapped his head down with a mighty crack of his double chin meeting his chest. I hit the button of the stopwatch and looked down at the LCD screen. My jaw dropped - 17:58.95.
My gaping mouth quickly transformed into an open-mouth grin and I quickly waddled over to the side of the wheezing behemoth, bent over with his hands on his knees. "My friend!" I exclaimed. "I must weigh you!"
He turned his head up, still bent over. "What?"
"I must weigh you!" I repeated.
"Uh..."
Before he had a chance to respond, I laid my scale on the ground and guided him on, balancing him carefully so as not to tarnish the measurement. The scale thought for a few moments before revealing its answer - 218.7.
"YES!" I let out. "YES! Congratulations, my good man! You, sir, are fat!"
"Uh... do I win something?" he asked, as he slumped off my scale.
I was already recording his time and weight in my notebook.
"You are the fattest sub-18 runner I have ever witnessed!" I replied, beaming.
"Huh... cool... I guess," he lulled on.
I put away my notebook, picked my scale, and shook the man's hand. "Congratulations again, sir!"
I turned to my tired old dog. "Come on, Webb. Let's go home." He opened his mouth to let his tongue flop out and gave a slow but happy pant. The two of us strolled away, proud of a good day's work.
You are clearly one of the brilliant authors who frequent LetsRun. David Sedaris?