I DO NOT GET ALONG WITH MY TEAM

Just make sure you treat them like teammates during practice and races. Don't outkick them and, in general, don't act like they are part of the competition. In the end, that will mean a lot more to them than who you eat dinner with.

YOU'RE A F***IN' PRICK!

you do sound like a dick, dude. why don't you tape your elbow so you and your old butt buddies can hang out again? you sound like a spoiled little rich boy...

If he doesn't want to eat meals with them, why should he have to?

If he's going to start going to all the team socials, I think that's enough.

I don't know why they're being so weird about him eating dinner with them. If he doesn't want to and prefers to eat meals with his other friends, what's the problem? Some people are too uptight. I agree though that one meal a week with them is something worth trying, as you might find you like them a bit better in time, but don't force yourself to do stuff you don't want to do for the sake of it, that's ridiculous.

It's really funny hearing all these descriptions of teams that were fairly exclusive, looked down on non-runners, and didn't like to mingle with outsiders. My team was the exact same way, and I had no idea these characteristics were so common. Though I also went to a northeast DIII school, so maybe it's something unique to them. And for the record, I was one of the most guilty of being exclusive and always just wanting to party/hang out with people on the team.

On our team though we never got mad at the individuals who didn't come to team functions or eat dinner with us. To clarify though, it would be frowned upon if someone would avoid formal team functions, like preseason activities, special pre-meet dinners, or other things like that. So you should probably make an effort to go to those events. But as far as dinner and hanging out, we just always joked about the people who never came, and how they have "other" friends, and we must not be cool enough for them. It was always in good fun though, we still usually liked the person and welcomed them if they did come to dinner or a party. We all wished they'd become part of the team outside of practice and races, but we never held any animosity, so long as they still attended official team events and were working hard in practice and races.

So if they're going to be dicks about it, it's their problem. But make sure you're going to all team events and at least have dinner or hang out a few times per month, or else they have reason to not care for you very much.

you need to make a good sexytime.

I don't have a problem with anything you've written other than the fact that you can't find the apostrophe key to save your life! I don't think trying to force a friendship in this situation is worth the time.

[q]to atown: the team sucks, but im on it because i feel like im receiving some good coaching, some people to pace myself with in workouts, and i get to run in races.[q/]

You're using them.

[q]i actually did hook up with the chicks captain last year, shes gone though. ive got kind of a bad reputation on the girls team cause i ditched her a little, but she was super clingy and not all that hot. [q/]

You screwed their girlfriend. No wonder they don't like you. If you were on my team we would have run you off by day 2.[b/]

most of the cross country guys I know are complete nerds/ social midgets...

They dont seem to have that "killer instinct" that a footballer or hoopster would have....particularly with the ladies...

They are usually the clingy type, the one's asking, "Oh why didnt she call me back..."

Team bonding is great but they spend WAAAAAAAAAAYY too much time together...

Distance runenrs are usually intelligent enough to know that they aren't high on the social scale and that a lot of people think that they're in the sport they are because they aren't big, fast, strong, or coordinated enough to do a sport that people really like. They generally make their peace with all this, but it's a sensitive point. It's also not easy for them to move up on the social scale because their schedule of meets and practices keeps them away from a lot of friend making activities.

One way they deal with all of this is by hanging out with their own. They can be clannish. Now, you come along and join the team. Everyone knows you're there because you can no longer play the sport you really want to. That steps on a collective toe. No one is ging to be really happy if you dislodge someone who is a "pure runner" from the top 7. And you have other friends who you seem to prefer to be with confirming the feeling that no one but other distance runners will willingly hang out with a distance runner.

Certainly, you have the right to be friends with who you choose. But it's an awkward situation. I'm not sure who is responsible for sorting it out or what the solution is. But I think it's something that won't get solved unless it's acknowledged, i.e, you and the rest of the team need to have some sort of chat. Since you're bringing it up, I'd say you should start the process. I imagine that you have a team captain. I would suggest that you go to him and say, "Look, I know things are awkward here with me and the rest of you guys and I don't want that."

I'm also not sure that the fact that you've gone to the board here as a first step rather than to the team won't make it harder and I have to think someone from your team knows about this thread. In that case, you simply need to say that you didn't know how to approach this and was looking for help from other runners.

Running is an individual sport. If you run fast you help the "team" if not then you don't. Anything else is irrelevant. Your teammates won't run any slower if they don't like you, but they may run faster in order to stay ahead of "that jerk". Therefore you will probably help the team more by not being a buddy.

dukerdog wrote:

Don't outkick them and, in general, don't act like they are part of the competition.

On both my high school and college teams outkicking teammates was not frowned upon at all. Both coaches liked the friendly competition and trash talking that would follow. Is it common on other teams to not outkick teammates?

What competition though? And I can't believe you'd trash talk a teammate, unless it was completely in jest. I can see outkicking a teammate if there are other runners around you, but why be competitive about a spot on your team? The only times I think it makes sense to be compete against your teammates is if you're trying to get that last varsity spot to move on to championship season, or something like that. Otherwise, if you've gotten to the end of a race, and you're, for instance, 4th guy on your team, what do you have to prove by passing your teammate to be 3rd man? Who cares about your team rank at that point? Save it for your long run the next day, or your workout next week, or next weekend's more important race. It's such a silly, early high school thing to be so concerned with team rank. Worry more about your rank in your conference, district, state, or nation.

I think your coaches were making a mistake then. Encouraging competition among your own runners can easily lead to the situation where it is more important to them to beat each other than to beat the other teams.

Stater of the Obvious wrote:

Who cares about your team rank at that point? Save it for your long run the next day, or your workout next week, or next weekend's more important race. It's such a silly, early high school thing to be so concerned with team rank. Worry more about your rank in your conference, district, state, or nation.

I didn't say anything about team rank, it was never a big issue for me. I just don't see the point in "taking it easy" on a teammate at the end of the race. In my opinion (and the opinion of the coaches I have had) a friendly rivalry is never a bad thing.

Okay, so I was a popular guy in High School, and didn't hang out with any of my high school teammates. Not becasue I was an ass, but becasue we just had different lives.

I went to a good D1 program and I immediately wanted to join a frat with some of the guys from my town that also went to the school.

My coach advised, did not force, but advised that I wait until I was a sophmore to pledge. I was pissed and almost dropped off the team but I was on a ride so i decided to wait, and the guys in the frat were cool with me waiting - said other athletes had done it in the past too.

Okay, so I initially didn't really like my team. I was nice, had fun with them at practice, but they just seemed different than me. We had a good year and worked very hard, we were all very fit and runnng well. I started to hang out with a few of the guys and developed a liking for their sense of humor. This kind of broadened and I started doing more non-pracitce things with them.

I pledged as a sophmore and my xc season went to sh*t. I was not happy with my running or my social life, becasue it seemed like I was half-assing both ends.

The straw that broke the camels back was when I got a phone call at 3am asking me to come pick up a brother at a bar downtown. I explained that I was leaving for our D1 Regional meet at 8am, and that I needed to be well rested. They laughed and said come and get us or your toast at lineup next week.

I went to get them and they all acting like I shouldn't be mad as I was driving them home. They were saying sorry but that they needed to treat all the pledges fairly, etc.

When I got back home, I realized that I was constantly wishing I could hang out with my teammates, but felt as though I was "supposed" to hang out with the frat guys.

Without me realizing it, I had decided that I enjoyed my teammates more than the frat guys, and the change felt good. I enjoyed eating healthy meals and talking about wworkouts, as well as subjects completely unrelated to running. We had inside jokes, and saw things in a similar light. More than anything, the team just felt wholesome.

I am so glad I made the choice that I made, and I have nothing against the frat guys, I just realized it wasn't me.

I announced that I was depledging the next week, and the house went nuts. Apparently it is really bad to have someone depledge, especially an athlete. They did a lot to try to keep me on, but I had made up my mind, and didn't see the point. I was always trying to get out of everything anyways, and it wasn't like I could enjoy a "mixer" the night before a hard 6 x 1mile workout.

Anyway, some of my closest friends in the world are my former teammates, and I am 7 years out of college. We still keep in touch.

Give it a chance, sometimes life throws you curveballs.

Go to dinner with them once a week and see what happens.

Those of you who have given me worthwhile responses, like FratBoy, I will be taking your suggestions. Can't wait for practice today to see if they bring this thread up, but yeah I figure I'll eat with them once a week. I do feel bad eating with them though, because I can tell they would be more comfortable without me there. Whatever, there's no real reason there should be so much tension between us. We're all athletes, both like punishing ourselves in workouts, enjoy running, and its too bad if there really isn't all that much else in common, but hell, I've forged meaningful friendships with people that I have even less in common with.

What pettiness!!! This is what's so silly about high school/college running and sports-- the need to have 'togetherness'. Your life outside of running and who you hang out with shouldn't matter and you shouldn't be concerned about it. It's all crap. Jealousy is crap. What's not crap is how fast you run and whether your individual effort can help the team.

Let's get some things out there that should be fairly obvious by now.

A)Not as a dig to DIII runners, I'm not about to get into a pissing match, but, in general, it can be, *I said CAN BE, not ALWAYS*, a lot easier to walk on to a DIII team and beat some of the "pure runners" than it would be on a lot of other college teams. They know this. So the inferiority complex all of a sudden goes from being badly beaten on the lowest level of national collegiate competition, to getting beaten by an "outsider." I am and always will be one of the geeky, socially awkward, relationally exclusive lifelong runners. But this is commonly known as petty jealousy. It's human. I'm sure you've figured out that even if you did eat with them at every meal, hung out all the time etc. they still may not be comfortable with you. By you not eating with them, it's one small thing they can point out and say "look, another meat head thinks he's so much better than us." They can use your refusal to eat with them as an excuse not to like you when we know it's much deeper than that. If one of their own started hanging out with a different crowd sometimes, I imagine that they wouldn't give them nearly as hard of a time as they give you. Yes, these qualities aren't always the best part of being a runner, and are somewhat childish, but that's reality and it's not going to change.

Given that, you are on their team and no matter how much of an individual sport long distance running may be, it is still a team, especially with cross country. Anyone who claims otherwise has obviously never observed the close and priceless bond cross country teams usually form and I doubt you understand the complexity of this dynamic. Yes, it is often a brotherhood of socially awkward skeletons who have found and share a common meaning in life: to run like hell. I'm assuming you are fundamentally different. You like the competition and challenge as you said, running has given you another outlet. But it's still a different love that probably wouldn't have been realized if not for this lax injury. They know this.

[quote]Notgettingalong wrote:

i actually did hook up with the chicks captain last year, shes gone though. ive got kind of a bad reputation on the girls team cause i ditched her a little, but she was super clingy and not all that hot. anyway, ill give them a few more dinners, but i know they dont like me as much as i dont like them.

quote]

Now, I'm sure you have realized that distance runners don't particularly enjoy smashing beer cans on their forehead, looking at their muscles in the mirror, hanging out with a bunch of loud obnoxious jock/frat boys and nailing every girl in sight. Sorry for the stereotype, but stereotypes are there for a reason. And by referring to them and others who disagree with you as "nerds" and "losers" and talking about one of their own like the above quote, you're backing that stereotype up. Despite what past teamates may have indoctrinated, hooking up with chicks and dumping them when they like you isn't always that "cool." I have a feeling they all remember you for that instance and quite possibly view it more as hurting one of their own than stealing one of their women.

That said, I'm not sure there's a lot you can do. Like other posters have said, do try and eat with them maybe once a week so they at least do not have another excuse to dislike you. Be a team player and give it time, like other people have said. Just because you are running XC doesn't make it any less selfish as it would be on the lax team if you were just there for yourself.

My advice would be to accept them for who they are. By calling them losers and nerds, you're only reinforcing their expectations of you, and I doubt that this message board is the only time that message is coming across. Maybe you have more game and "cooler" friends, but it doesn't make you a better person. Keep an open mind with them, work hard, make a little more effort to be a part of the team. And if they still don't like you then that's their problem. Glad you have found another love.