Also, Zachariah, I appreciate the genuine question and honest curiosity/uncertainty. It's a hard/tricky topic to navigate, even for Christians! There are some things that just don't make sense and life is hard. Christians are told that life on Earth will be difficult for us, even though we are the ones that are also promised hope and joy in Christ! Personally, I can say that Christ has definitely brought hope, joy, peace, and so much more in the highs and lows of life. I'm still young (24 y/o) and have much more life and hardship to live, Lord willing, but looking back, I can be see that He has continued to lift me up... and that provides so much confidence as I continue living through uncertainty that life brings.
Zachariah and everyone else that is wrestling with the idea of God being a loving God, I want you to hear (or in this case, read) that He loves you so much. You may not acknowledge him as your god, but He loves you as His own, because you ARE His creation. There is nothing you can do to escape His love, and all you have to do is accept His love that was shown through Jesus' death on the cross. God is perfect and desires a relationship with us, and He knows that we are imperfect and can't do anything to earn our way to perfection or heaven. But even through our imperfection, He still desires to spend the rest of eternity with us. Again, we can't do anything on our own to earn/deserve this, no matter how hard we try. You can't earn it no matter how many good acts you do, or even Bible verses you memorize. The only way for us imperfect beings to be bridged back to a perfect relationship with God is if a perfect being died as a the perfect sacrifice on behalf of our imperfection. God knew that too, which is why He came down to Earth in human form as Jesus, to live the perfect life that He knows we can't do, and die the death that we ALL deserve (we deserve death because of our sin- which is anything that separates us from God. Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord"). Even after living a life without sin/blemish for 33 years as a human, and dying as a sacrifice for us (in the same way that the Israelites used to sacrifice unblemished animals in the Old Testament), Jesus proved His power and authority over death and sin by rising from the grave after three days. He could have done so in a matter of seconds, but He wanted to show that even after the decay process begun, He was more powerful than this human death. Jesus lived the life that we couldn't, died the death that we deserved, and proved His power over death and sin... and all we have to do to secure our place in heaven next to him, is believe. Some will tell you that you need to live a good life, or tithe a large amount of money to a church, and they shame you when these things don't happen. But they are wrong and misleading, and misrepresenting God's love for His creation. All you have to do is believe in God's perfect love and Jesus' death and resurrection, and you are welcomed into eternal life with Him! Please don't miss this invitation from the God who loves you more than you could imagine! You may be thinking "but I have done so many bad things that I don't deserve to be loved"... and you're right! We don't deserve His love, but still He loves us with a perfect love that we can't even begin to fully comprehend! Or maybe you're thinking "but a truly loving God wouldn't make us jump through these hoops in order to be with Him in heaven." To that, I respond that in the beginning, we had a perfect relationship with us and He even walked alongside us (Adam) in the Garden of Eden! But after being tempted and deceived by Satan (the serpent) in Genesis 3, Adam and Eve went against God's word and brought sin/imperfection into the world. Being fully perfect, God literally couldn't be in the presence of such imperfect beings. This created a gap between us and God that, again, could only be bridged by the perfect sacrifice. God came down to Earth as Jesus, fully God and fully human, to live and die for us, then conquered death. So, to answer, we brought it upon ourselves with our sinful nature and God-revolting desires/actions.
All throughout the Bible in the Old Testament, you see God's pursuit of His people and His people's natural rebellion because of their sinful nature/tendencies. But in His perfect plan that He references many times throughout the OT, the New Testament begins with the life of Jesus. After the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John), the book of Acts follows the historical aspect of the beginning of the Church after Christ's ascension into heaven. Most of the rest of the NT is the Epistles, or letters to churches/people. These letters often require context of time period/who is receiving the letter, but they lay out the what and why of Christianity! Many people in this day and age call themselves Christians, but don't live in a way that proclaims who Christ is, and for that I apologize on behalf of them. I'm sorry for anyone that has misled you on what Christianity is. I hope you can forgive them, even if you feel they are undeserving (we are all undeserving of forgiveness, and yet Christ still died for us!). And I hope you can open your heart again to the thought of an all loving God that desires a relationship with you no matter what your circumstances!
I wasn't intending on writing out an entire novel again, so I apologize for the length... but I'm glad I could share my understanding of God's perfect and gracious love!
I hope this provides an answer/reasoning on what the Christian faith is about!
