What is stopping you from starting a family? Maybe that would be a better long-term plan considering that 50 years of "being by yourself" sounds hard.
Don't you have any interest in relationships that are more than just friendships? Humans are meant to be in groups and family groups are the most durable and universal.
I've started to feel like this just won't happen for me, honestly. I've had various stints of going on the dating scene and it just never works out. I haven't had trouble getting dates but they usually fizzle out after 1-2 dates. I don't know if I can say I've been in a real "relationship" up to this point as most even my longest term things have only lasted like 6 months max. I'm not naturally outgoing and kind of homebody when I'm not running, so I don't meet people organically now that I'm out of school, so again it just seems like at this point it's just not going to happen. Even if I could meet someone, financially I don't see it as really viable to have kids and buy a house or anything like that. This line of thinking is usually what makes me feel pretty low but I don't think it has to be this way. I'm trying not to assign my value to other people and say "who cares if I can't be in a relationship or have some high-paying job?" It's not really working most of the time honestly.
What is stopping you from starting a family? Maybe that would be a better long-term plan considering that 50 years of "being by yourself" sounds hard.
Don't you have any interest in relationships that are more than just friendships? Humans are meant to be in groups and family groups are the most durable and universal.
I've started to feel like this just won't happen for me, honestly. I've had various stints of going on the dating scene and it just never works out. I haven't had trouble getting dates but they usually fizzle out after 1-2 dates. I don't know if I can say I've been in a real "relationship" up to this point as most even my longest term things have only lasted like 6 months max. I'm not naturally outgoing and kind of homebody when I'm not running, so I don't meet people organically now that I'm out of school, so again it just seems like at this point it's just not going to happen. Even if I could meet someone, financially I don't see it as really viable to have kids and buy a house or anything like that. This line of thinking is usually what makes me feel pretty low but I don't think it has to be this way. I'm trying not to assign my value to other people and say "who cares if I can't be in a relationship or have some high-paying job?" It's not really working most of the time honestly.
I guess my advice would to not give up on it. Make a list of five things you are interested in, including running. Then find five groups that are engaged in those things.
If you said running, books, science, hiking, and the NBA... you could find peer groups that meet up and do stuff related to those interests. Start by just "getting out of the house" more and doing stuff. Don't think of it as "finding a spouse" or anything.
Staying at home is fine if it is making you happy, but if not, get out into the world while you are still young.
Absolutely nothing wrong with running solo. I do all my training (for marathons) solo. And when I run a marathon - I am in my own little world. Running is my safe place - safe and solo. However, before and after my running I do not know a better group of people I'd rather be around. I've done skydiving, scuba diving, bicycling, swimming and motorcycling, being social in all those groups. But I have found that the people of the running community are by far the most genuine, helpful and sharing and caring people you will ever find. Like anything else, you can keep your head where ever you choose to keep it.
I recommend doing the Camino de Santiago. I promise you it will help answer many questions in your life. It’s a 500 mile pilgrimage walk from St Jean Pied de Port to Santiago de Compostela in northern Spain. You will meet many people from around the world, make friends and possibly fin love. You will walk through amazing nature, historic villages and churches, Roman architecture and once you reach Santiago you will be a much different human being than when you started. It takes between 30-40 days. It is not expensive either. This is not a joke, please look into it!
I recommend doing the Camino de Santiago. I promise you it will help answer many questions in your life. It’s a 500 mile pilgrimage walk from St Jean Pied de Port to Santiago de Compostela in northern Spain. You will meet many people from around the world, make friends and possibly fin love. You will walk through amazing nature, historic villages and churches, Roman architecture and once you reach Santiago you will be a much different human being than when you started. It takes between 30-40 days. It is not expensive either. This is not a joke, please look into it!
Simple question: how do you live a solitary life, maintaining your running and staying happy/not losing your mind? I know there must be some of you out there growing old without a wife or kids but still enjoying what life and running have to offer, so I want to learn from you! How do you avoid becoming a modern day Travis Bickle, except instead of doing pushups you're doing 100 mpw?
Not sure I understand the question…
You are solitary but feel like you cannot be happy? Wouldn’t you just go make more friends or fill your group with people?
Absolutely nothing wrong with running solo. I do all my training (for marathons) solo. And when I run a marathon - I am in my own little world. Running is my safe place - safe and solo. However, before and after my running I do not know a better group of people I'd rather be around. I've done skydiving, scuba diving, bicycling, swimming and motorcycling, being social in all those groups. But I have found that the people of the running community are by far the most genuine, helpful and sharing and caring people you will ever find. Like anything else, you can keep your head where ever you choose to keep it.
I'm very impressed! But also I don't think that could ever be me. I am not outgoing in the slightest and even my common interests are usually solitary activities. This is the reason I've basically accepted that I'll lead a solitary lifestyle and am just trying to come to grips with it. Again, it isn't exactly what I would choose if I had the choice but that's just how I am and it doesn't bother me too much. I still have my friends and old teammates but they're all moving on in life (getting married/starting families) so time in understandably limited. I guess I also feel that as an adult I can't just be "more outgoing" or make new friends because this isn't a college freshman dorm or something where there are plenty of new people to meet. I figure I'm at the age where my ways and friends are set so it's more about making the best of things rather than trying to break out and change who am I/what I do. Maybe I'm wrong but this was just my thinking.
Absolutely nothing wrong with running solo. I do all my training (for marathons) solo. And when I run a marathon - I am in my own little world. Running is my safe place - safe and solo. However, before and after my running I do not know a better group of people I'd rather be around. I've done skydiving, scuba diving, bicycling, swimming and motorcycling, being social in all those groups. But I have found that the people of the running community are by far the most genuine, helpful and sharing and caring people you will ever find. Like anything else, you can keep your head where ever you choose to keep it.
I'm very impressed! But also I don't think that could ever be me. I am not outgoing in the slightest and even my common interests are usually solitary activities. This is the reason I've basically accepted that I'll lead a solitary lifestyle and am just trying to come to grips with it. Again, it isn't exactly what I would choose if I had the choice but that's just how I am and it doesn't bother me too much. I still have my friends and old teammates but they're all moving on in life (getting married/starting families) so time in understandably limited. I guess I also feel that as an adult I can't just be "more outgoing" or make new friends because this isn't a college freshman dorm or something where there are plenty of new people to meet. I figure I'm at the age where my ways and friends are set so it's more about making the best of things rather than trying to break out and change who am I/what I do. Maybe I'm wrong but this was just my thinking.
I'm not super social myself but I also realize that making and maintaining social relations is healthy. It's kind of like easting vegetables, doing core exercises, or any other health practice. I do it more for health than enjoyment. Not that I don't enjoy hanging out with people at all. it's just that I approach life motivated more by what I think *is* good for me, rather than what feels good at the moment.
I'm convinced that regular interaction with people is good for me. I don't ever feel like I fit in anywhere but I do it anyway. And despite how I feel, I know just by reasoning that I do in fact "fit in".
I don't know why anyone would down-vote your question. It is valid. And important. I am glad you brought it up.
Can I ask a few questions first, do you want to change your social and familial situation? Have you always been pretty much "solo" or is this a change? Can you share your age (approx.) and type of living situation (rural, urban, suburban)?
As for a broad answer, there are two ways to find meaning and happiness in life - one is through relationships that are loving (and personal) and another is through relationships of service (to society).
If you like being solo most of the time, you can still build relationships (and meaning) by finding organizations and helping them. You can volunteer at races, in churches, in your city, or other similar places. At least this way you are not "on your own" all day, every day.
And there is a good chance after a while you will build relationships with these people...
EDIT: Were you asking how to be happy without relationships (just with yourself)? If that was the case, you might consider becoming a modern stoic. They seemed to be pretty good at that kind of thing! Stoics are in these days!
On another thread I made a statement of fact about speed ratings. It got a down vote.
There was no opinion, nothing to agree or disagree with, I just made a statement based on over 20 years of coaching with speed ratings being part of it for every year.
If you live in a legit city I’m sure there are group runs you could join, and rant to your new friends about how someone had better clean up all the filth in the city.
if you modulate your training and race distances down you can probably find a training group or running club or friends. that or you could do part of a workout with people who do shorter stuff then supplement on your own.
we had a XC friend with D1 type mile speed and we weren't as fast and so on long off-school runs he would go with us but then take off ahead for a while, circle back, take off, circle back. social somewhat but with his own purpose and intensity.
I'm not super social myself but I also realize that making and maintaining social relations is healthy. It's kind of like easting vegetables, doing core exercises, or any other health practice. I do it more for health than enjoyment. Not that I don't enjoy hanging out with people at all. it's just that I approach life motivated more by what I think *is* good for me, rather than what feels good at the moment.
I'm convinced that regular interaction with people is good for me. I don't ever feel like I fit in anywhere but I do it anyway. And despite how I feel, I know just by reasoning that I do in fact "fit in".
That's an interesting perspective. Going out and socializing does feel like an "eat your vegetables" thing to me. I will say though, most of the time when I socialize around new people, I just end up running out of things to say and don't really make any connection. Recently I've had a few outings where I hang out with an old friend and a group of their friends I'm not as familiar. This usually ends up with me having pretty basic conversations for a short time and then eventually the rest of the group occupies themselves and I slip out. These kind of interactions are pretty discouraging honestly and are forefront in my mind when I think about how much I enjoy being solitary but maybe the thinking should be that that kind of awkward situation is worth it for a good connection with new people.
I recommend doing the Camino de Santiago. I promise you it will help answer many questions in your life. It’s a 500 mile pilgrimage walk from St Jean Pied de Port to Santiago de Compostela in northern Spain. You will meet many people from around the world, make friends and possibly fin love. You will walk through amazing nature, historic villages and churches, Roman architecture and once you reach Santiago you will be a much different human being than when you started. It takes between 30-40 days. It is not expensive either. This is not a joke, please look into it!
Is there anything comparable in the USA? Are the closest to it the Appalachian Trail or Pacific Coast Trail? And is there anything else comparable besides those two?
I don't know why anyone would down-vote your question. It is valid. And important. I am glad you brought it up.
Can I ask a few questions first, do you want to change your social and familial situation? Have you always been pretty much "solo" or is this a change? Can you share your age (approx.) and type of living situation (rural, urban, suburban)?
As for a broad answer, there are two ways to find meaning and happiness in life - one is through relationships that are loving (and personal) and another is through relationships of service (to society).
If you like being solo most of the time, you can still build relationships (and meaning) by finding organizations and helping them. You can volunteer at races, in churches, in your city, or other similar places. At least this way you are not "on your own" all day, every day.
And there is a good chance after a while you will build relationships with these people...
EDIT: Were you asking how to be happy without relationships (just with yourself)? If that was the case, you might consider becoming a modern stoic. They seemed to be pretty good at that kind of thing! Stoics are in these days!
On another thread I made a statement of fact about speed ratings. It got a down vote.
There was no opinion, nothing to agree or disagree with, I just made a statement based on over 20 years of coaching with speed ratings being part of it for every year.
I don’t know what you said about ‘speed ratings’, but those so-called ‘speed ratings’ from that tulley site, particularly for females, are BOGUS.