I was born in 90s and my parents regularly spanked the s*** out of me for "talking back" to them. I also got grounded from computer time and seeing friends on a regular basis too.
As an adult, I feel like they just took out their frustrations on me and have crap coping skills, but overall were good parents who worked hard to provide a life for us and we are still very close to this day.
Nah... you turned out OK I guess. I assume you didn't get in trouble with the law and at school. You were just a bad kid at the time who needed a good attitude behavior adjustment with a smack on the hand or butt. You weren't abused, you were disciplined.
Parents who don't discipline or say no to their kids are bad parents. If you don't discipline them when they are young, society does with my tax dollars when the law enforcement officials have to.
Spanking is the first option in many cultures because it's simple and to the point. "STOP IT (WHACK)". Anything more nuanced or advanced is something a lot of people in a lot of cultures don't have time or intelligence to consider. Life is usually hard in these cultures, and people have got to keep moving because they've got a lot else to worry about that the rest of us may take for granted or have automated/outsourced/figured out, etc. It may not be the best option but it's the clearest and most direct way to get the message across.
And it teaches the kid that you have to hurt someone when they do something you don't want them to do, so then they become adults and get in physical altercations.
A better way is to take away freedoms from them or ground them. Basically like what prison does. If you don't do what you're supposed to do you don't get to have as good of a life.
Uh.....newsflash, some states still have the death penalty. You are getting more than a butt whipping for not following the rules.
I would like to add that I also don't think hitting a dog is a good way to train a dog. It used to be common with pets, to hit them (or whip them) as part of their training, but all modern breeders and trainers have moved on to more effective and humane techniques.
I know there are some people who still say, "but you can't use reason with a dog" and that is true, yet expert trainers still don't use violence.
I would look at the experts as my role models, not the people who are short on time, frustrated, or not able to think of better ways to do things.
What is humane? Humans throughout our existence have been the opposite of humane. We have murdered each other since the dawn of time and since the fair tale book..the bible with Cain and Abel. Genocide is going on right now in Gaza. Humane....SMH
We treat dogs and other pets better than we do humans who don't look like us.
I would like to add that I also don't think hitting a dog is a good way to train a dog. It used to be common with pets, to hit them (or whip them) as part of their training, but all modern breeders and trainers have moved on to more effective and humane techniques.
I know there are some people who still say, "but you can't use reason with a dog" and that is true, yet expert trainers still don't use violence.
I would look at the experts as my role models, not the people who are short on time, frustrated, or not able to think of better ways to do things.
This is pretty interesting.
I agree young enough children cannot understand every idea. There are ways that do not involve offensive physicality to deal with it.
We’re all like dogs licking stitches with some bad habits. It makes sense to not use certain violence with every subject.
It depends on the child and what motivates them to behave. Some children aren't motivated by a loss of a future privilege, so threatening them with time out is not effective in the moment. If threatening them with a spanking is what is required for compliance, then there is nothing wrong with that. Time outs or loss or privileges certainly don't motivate all children equally.
The problem is, parents who are focused on "compliance" are not winning in the long run. I want my kids to want the same outcomes as me. Not just comply with what I want.
I pay my taxes, for example, because I want the police, military, schools, courts, social safety-net, FDA, EPA, etc. to function. I have the same goal as my local and state government. I am not just "forced to comply" I actually see why I have to do it.
It is the same with my kids. I want them to eat their veggies. They can "obey and comply" out of fear, or I can get them to understand why and say, "okay, I guess that makes sense."
Spanking is the first option in many cultures because it's simple and to the point. "STOP IT (WHACK)". Anything more nuanced or advanced is something a lot of people in a lot of cultures don't have time or intelligence to consider. Life is usually hard in these cultures, and people have got to keep moving because they've got a lot else to worry about that the rest of us may take for granted or have automated/outsourced/figured out, etc. It may not be the best option but it's the clearest and most direct way to get the message across.
And it teaches the kid that you have to hurt someone when they do something you don't want them to do, so then they become adults and get in physical altercations.
A better way is to take away freedoms from them or ground them. Basically like what prison does. If you don't do what you're supposed to do you don't get to have as good of a life.
Basically what a prison does? In the county with the most incarcerated people on the planet, and the fifth most per capita in the world?
not sure prison is really doing that much. might be better to examine the factors that contribute to such a massive prison population (also for parenting).
Completely wrong. I worked as a 'manny' for my nieces when I was solely taking night courses in college. My 4 year old niece was absolutely easy to reason with. Bad behavior got her sent to her room and an egg timer told her when she could get out. Every infraction doubled the amount of time. After she reached an hour, she became a solid citizen, because I was consistent. Consistency is the key - say what you mean and follow up. If you ground them for a month, ground them for a month.
Meanwhile, her parents learned discipline from this stupid James Dobson book called "The Strong-Willed Child" that advocated for constant beatings to scare your kid into compliance. Amazingly, she was far worse with them than she was with me. All beating your kids teaches is that physical violence is a solution to an impasse, and that when you're bigger than someone, you can inflict your will on them with force vs wits.
Completely wrong. I worked as a 'manny' for my nieces when I was solely taking night courses in college. My 4 year old niece was absolutely easy to reason with. Bad behavior got her sent to her room and an egg timer told her when she could get out. Every infraction doubled the amount of time. After she reached an hour, she became a solid citizen, because I was consistent. Consistency is the key - say what you mean and follow up. If you ground them for a month, ground them for a month.
Meanwhile, her parents learned discipline from this stupid James Dobson book called "The Strong-Willed Child" that advocated for constant beatings to scare your kid into compliance. Amazingly, she was far worse with them than she was with me. All beating your kids teaches is that physical violence is a solution to an impasse, and that when you're bigger than someone, you can inflict your will on them with force vs wits.
^This. "Spanking" is just a euphemism for "beating a helpless child".
Parents who don't discipline or say no to their kids are bad parents. If you don't discipline them when they are young, society does with my tax dollars when the law enforcement officials have to.
I agree with what you wrote in the quote above. But I am surprised that you think "discipline" and "hurting someone physically" are the same thing.
I consider myself pretty strict with my kids but never used physical force, hitting, or slapping. After all, they were just little kids. There are like fifty other things I had in my parenting toolkit to rely on before "whack 'em" would have every occurred to me.
I was court order to do 400 hours of community service at the local public zoo. The manager there assigned monkey cage duties to me. Boy, oh boy, was that difficult. Those monkeys really give you the business if you don't consistently assert your presence. One of the guys at the zoo insisted that spanking the monkeys every morning was the only way to survive their harassment; however, I found that centering myself and coming into their cage with an emotionally sober mindset was plenty effective.
I imagine raising kids has many parallels to my experience at the zoo.
Nothing in this post is true.
This post was edited 1 minute after it was posted.
My dad was rough when he got angry. He'd slap me in the face with an open hand. I turned out ok, but I'd never recommend physical punishment for a child.
No, but giving them puberty blockers, approving of life-altering surgery that mutilates their body and burdening them with lifelong drug reliance is child abuse.
No, but there is no value in teaching them to use violence to control people.
What you should do, rather than hitting, is have a consistent verbal reprimand, a nonviolent physical cue such as a firm arm squeeze, and punishments such as isolation (go to your room).
But more importantly you need to reward and praise the desired behavior. This is the key. You catch flies with honey, not vinegar.
I was born in 90s and my parents regularly spanked the s*** out of me for "talking back" to them. I also got grounded from computer time and seeing friends on a regular basis too.
As an adult, I feel like they just took out their frustrations on me and have crap coping skills, but overall were good parents who worked hard to provide a life for us and we are still very close to this day.
Nah... you turned out OK I guess. I assume you didn't get in trouble with the law and at school. You were just a bad kid at the time who needed a good attitude behavior adjustment with a smack on the hand or butt. You weren't abused, you were disciplined.
Parents who don't discipline or say no to their kids are bad parents. If you don't discipline them when they are young, society does with my tax dollars when the law enforcement officials have to.
Those kids who’ve never been spanked grow up to be people you want to punch in the face.