How do you sub elites deal with lonliness

First thing you need to do is lighten up. No worries about missing a day of running or not hitting all of your splits, etc. No big deal. Running is no longer fun if it is obsessive. Also don't force the mileage. Who cares if you run 70 or 90 some weeks. You should go out for halloween, join a meet-up group, sleep in then do your long run. No need to live like a monk.

Secondly, join a running group and get training partners. Running is and should be a social activity at least some of the time. I met my wife and my best friends through a local running club and I go on trips and hang out with them on the weekends and also go on long runs with the guys. You should definitely look into a running group.

That said, running is a married man's past-time. It can be hard to go out to the bars and then run the next day but once you are in your 30s no one goes out anyway and you or your peers are having kids and going to bed at 9:00 on a Saturday night and honestly that is awesome. I spent years going out to the bars, socializing, and not running and it's out of my system. Pushing 40 now.

lonely sub elite wrote:

Sub elite here - I work and run.

You already have 2 great avenues for meeting friends and SOs. In your 20s and 30s it can be harder to meet people both internally and environmentally, but you have to kick your butt and prioritize it. Talk to people at work and join the softball team or go for after work drinks. Talk to your local running clubs or meeting and run with them one day. And if you're busier than the next guy thats okay -- trust me, people don't want a friend for every day of the week, but if you can hang out once a week thats perfect. And that helps you meet possible SOs too. Go for it!

If there isn’t a local running club, then talk to people at races in your area. Follow them on Strava. Give them kudos. Ask them to meet up for a run. Go on a run with them and maybe they have some other running buddies for a larger group down the road.

I used to get frustrated that no one in my social circles seemed to understand or enjoy running quite the way I would. Same goes for my other hobbies and interests. I don’t think it’s easy or reasonable to find people who exactly match your interest and lifestyle all the time. And you do need to put yourself out there to meet new people and give certain people a chance. Even if you just start by trying to schedule one non work or running related event per week.

Seriously, join a running club. Who cares if you are way faster than most people - you'll have an interest to bond with. I'm a 2:25 runner and the next fastest person in my club is probably around 2:50. But who cares? I just go to the social run each week, do an easy 5 with the group, and have a beer and dinner afterwards and we can all talk about training, elite race results, etc...as well as other things like life and politics, because we've become friends!

Jamin fantasizes about women way out of his league, posts threads seeking human connection on Friday and Sunday nights, generally posts whiny complaint threads otherwise. He watches a lot of crap on YouTube, too. Recommend you do none of this, it's counterproductive.

If you aren't pro don't make running your whole life. I used to sacrifice a lot for running - now I have nights out, drink - even use recreational drugs on occassion (judge me if you want) I have a great social life. But you pick your battles - obviously if your marathon is next week, don't do this.

Have run 2:14 this year. Could I have run 2:11/12 if I devoted my life to this sport 100% - probably. I'm not making any olympic team either way. CHOOSE LIFE

Will echo everyone else here. I managed to eek out a 2:23 PR this year, and did it while caring less about running* than ever before.

*of course I still value running, and do it nearly every day. But I also spend more time with friends and family, move workouts around to socialize or run with friends, and just generally don’t stress it. As the poster above me said, most of us could be faster. I’m having a blast running and not running, and think that’s the right balance for me right now.

As my username says, I'm basically sub sub elite, so not the best in the area but finding runners at my pace is still difficult. Additionally, the faster runners seem to be a bit standoff-ish about accepting others that might challenge their $100 prize purse at the local 5k.

I did not spend Halloween alone but it screwed up my Sunday long run and probably led to a pulled muscle. Now my end of year racing plans might have to be cancelled. And I love the Turkey Trot and Rudolph Run. Socialization has its pros and cons.

I stopped really being self conscious about spending so much time alone. I like running. I enjoy my alone time. The forced isolation of the pandemic only proved that. If you're comfortable with who you are and what you like, it helps build confidence. Also found some guys a step below my level but still are good for easy runs. My workouts mostly end up being alone, but can't have it all.

I also should say that have some other hobbies because running isn't everything. And giving up things you really like for socializing isn't all that great because people without an inner world are actually quite boring and tedious.

I love this term

Sub elite

I seriously find it hilarious. Lol

Dog Trainer Elite wrote:

The worst is being a former 2:21 guy with no social skills, few real friends, and a stalled work career that wakes up at age 35 and realizes that life and youth has passed him by.

Age happens. You will get slower as it happens. No one will care about your age graded ramblings and your tales of being a semifast 20 something as you become a pathetic Uncle Rico. Laugh it up now fast hobby joggers because time will turn you into an old slow hobby jogger just as sure as death and taxes. Nothing attracts success and women like a sun damaged underweight middle aged man with a rapidly receding hairline prattling on about his college track days and he almost got an OTQ.

+1,000 this is so spot on. Hopefully your running is bringing you great personal joy because no one else cares about it. If you are sacrificing the rest of your life and aren’t happy, then it certainly isn’t worth it.

I agree with what others have said about joining a running club if you want to find people with similar interests. I have made very good friends through my running club (and many successful marriages have originated in the club as well!)

Aren't we all? (Most of us, anyway- suppose there are some elites around here)

Dog Trainer Elite wrote:

The worst is being a former 2:21 guy with no social skills, few real friends, and a stalled work career that wakes up at age 35 and realizes that life and youth has passed him by.

Age happens. You will get slower as it happens. No one will care about your age graded ramblings and your tales of being a semifast 20 something as you become a pathetic Uncle Rico. Laugh it up now fast hobby joggers because time will turn you into an old slow hobby jogger just as sure as death and taxes. Nothing attracts success and women like a sun damaged underweight middle aged man with a rapidly receding hairline prattling on about his college track days and he almost got an OTQ.

Damn. I used to work with a guy exactly like this, to the letter . We did lunch runs together, talked running, great stuff. There was a single gal, they’d have lunch and walk dogs after work, but it never went anywhere. One day he sexually harassed her. Waited in her cubicle with his pants down. Never saw him again.

Haha, right on!

Dog Trainer Elite wrote:

The worst is being a former 2:21 guy with no social skills, few real friends, and a stalled work career that wakes up at age 35 and realizes that life and youth has passed him by.

Age happens. You will get slower as it happens. No one will care about your age graded ramblings and your tales of being a semifast 20 something as you become a pathetic Uncle Rico. Laugh it up now fast hobby joggers because time will turn you into an old slow hobby jogger just as sure as death and taxes. Nothing attracts success and women like a sun damaged underweight middle aged man with a rapidly receding hairline prattling on about his college track days and he almost got an OTQ.

He shouldn't worry. He will hit a mile marker age, 35, 40, 45, whatever, and obtain a precautionary wife and a matching dog.

A story as old as time.

lonely sub elite wrote:

Sub elite here - I work and run. Pretty much no friends or SO. Do all my runs alone. How do you all handle the lonliness that comes with this lifestyle? It’s Halloween and I see everyone out but I have a long run tomorrow. Can’t find any dates or friends that live a similar life style as an adult. How do you all justify this life style and not feel lonely/sad?

Running workouts alone is one thing. Living lonely is another and not related.

When I was a sub-elite I started as a single grad student. Added on a GF then fiancee then wife...didn't affect running. Just gained a great gear manager. Graduated and started working full time, stuff got harder but I was still running 80-110mpw, keeping the wife happy, and spending time with friends. Running PRs.

It wasn't until our first kid came that juggling all of it became impossible and running time had to give.

Don't know where your time is going, but you are blaming running and it's not the reason.

lonely sub elite wrote:

Sub elite here - I work and run. Pretty much no friends or SO. Do all my runs alone. How do you all handle the lonliness that comes with this lifestyle? It’s Halloween and I see everyone out but I have a long run tomorrow. Can’t find any dates or friends that live a similar life style as an adult. How do you all justify this life style and not feel lonely/sad?

Stop thinking you have to always run alone because you're too fast. Doing very slow easy runs with a group once a week is fine for training. In fact, it can help you mentally and physically if you have a group to touch base with, even to just talk about training and/or life stuff during a run.

I agree that there may be a false choice here between running seriously and having a social life. It’s easy to assume that the former prevents the latter, but that’s not necessarily the root cause.

I was subelite (bordering on elite, if I do say so myself), took running very seriously and lived pretty monastically. In my 20s, I had an injury that prevented me from running much for almost two years. Once it became clear that it would take a long time to recover, I decided to live it up in a way I hadn’t in the past - lots of drinking, late nights, etc. It was fun up to a point, but I came away with two conclusions: I personally prefer early nights and time to myself or with small groups; and even if I decided to be the life of the party, I’m not that good at it anyway. It wasn’t running that pushed me to a pretty sedate life; it was my personality.

When I was able to train seriously again, having that experience really helped me, because I didn’t have that FOMO. Don’t get me wrong: social connections are really important, and I worked hard (and continue to work hard) to make sure I reach out and maintain friendships. There’s a lot of good advice on this thread about ways to do that through running. But don’t use running as an excuse for social isolation, and also don’t feel bad if you’re happy going to bed early on a Saturday night!