Male Coaches: Never have one-on-one private interactions with female athletes

First off, I believe that every coach should take the Safesport course:

https://uscenterforsafesport.org/

It's important that you can spot predatory behavior not only from those on your staff but also for coaches of other teams. Everyone needs to be protected.

I agree with the poster to say this is not limited to male coach - female athlete. It can be any combination.

False accusations are extremely rare, however, I agree with the cautionary message from the OP.

I have coached a girls XC team for 10 years.

I am never 1 on 1 with an athlete. When I have a conversation that is not appropriate to have in front of the team like a disciplinary issue I always have my assistant coach with me or I ask the boy's coach to listen in as a witness.

I never give kids a ride home. To the poster that says he does, you should realize that even if the athlete that you are driving home is a safe choice, you become known as the coach that gives rides to individuals and open yourself to potential accusations from that rare athlete even if you never gave them a ride. Everyone knows that I never spend time alone with anyone which would make it difficult to believe that I ever would give a ride to someone if someone made up a story. Does that make sense?

When I give an athlete a ride when they are having an issue during a training run I will always give a member of their training group a ride at the same time. They can make up the rest of their run when we get back to the meeting location.

Also, you talk about community and gaining the trust of the parents which is exactly what a predator does. Be careful.

I never accept hugs. My athletes know this and it's ok. You don't need to when making a connection with your athletes.

When I email athletes about training and other team matters that come up at times with captains I always include my assistant coach.

I don't use any social media personally. If I did, I would be very careful about what I post. We are, and should be held to a higher standard.

All of this and our practices are structured, hard, but also very fun. We have a lot of fun activities we do as a group. All of the things I have mentioned above I don't make a big deal of so it becomes the norm but it's never a definable thing that dampens the experience.

I was wondering when someone would mention SafeSport. Some of the responses make it obvious that there are very few coaches replying.

Most, if not all, athletic departments have clear guidelines for coaches to follow, and if they don't they're not protecting their coach or the school.

There should be few, if any, situations when a coach should be one on one with an athlete of the opposite gender. Any coach that puts him or herself in that situation is simply not being smart.

coach wrote:

A coach/teacher whether male or female should never be alone with any student- male, female, etc...

This was my first thought.

I worked with a coach that was accused by an athlete. Whether my colleague was guilty or not the athlete was able to describe his apartment because my colleagues invited the team to movies, etc...

I warned him this practice was inappropriate but he replied that in the suburban area he grew up in it was normal. The student that accused him was male, not that it matters.

I'm also aware of male coaches being accused by females and female coaches being accused by female athletes.

Why would anyone put himself in this situation? Just dont be alone and limit individual chats and texts and keep your hands off.

Unfortunately, neither of the school districts I have worked for have any policies for coaches to follow. They certainly should. Honestly, none of the seven athletic directors I have worked for have ever heard of Safesport. I took the course to be eligible for international coaching applications but after taking it I believe all coaches should be required to obtain this certification for the sake of their athletes.

This is good practice for all coaches, regardless of gender. I don't know who coined the phrase, but the Coaching Association of Canada promotes the "rule of two," even in virtual meetings:

https://coach.ca/three-steps-responsible-coaching

I can't believe the #MeToo hysteria and the toxic framing of any close interaction between men/women and adults/young people wont have an impact on coaching and the development of young athletes.

In fact, it surely is already but perhaps all the free info online, and new training aids such as gps watches, has compensated for it.

Personally I would never be a coach or teacher in today's climate.

I remember during the @MeToo peak, one of the Brojos actually making a post here calling on athletes to accuse their coaches of stuff.

coach wrote:

A coach/teacher whether male or female should never be alone with any student- male, female, etc...

This.

I coach at a high school. In general, my rule is that I'm always around two kids or more at a time, or another coach (one who you aren't related to, so husband/wife coaching pair wouldn't count).

The rare time I interact with a kid one on one, it is at the track in plain view of anybody else on the track. The only time this happens is if I need to talk to a kid privately, either because they're in trouble for violating a specific team rule, or need to tell me they're missing a day for an appointment, or I'm checking on their grades, etc. That only happens a few times a season across the entire team.

Indoor? wrote:

This is all mostly ridiculous. It's also hard to have a hard and fast rule as a coach or depending on where coaches work.

I coach at a rural HS, we are a community. My parents are family friends with the parents of our athletes. It's pretty easy to 1. Not be a creep, 2. Be sensitive to situations that could come off bad and not put yourself in them.

That said there are times I will run with 1 girl, when she's faster than all the rest and needs someone to run with, guess what that will happen. I've given girls a ride home because their parents asked me.

Now do I give the crazy girls I don't trust a ride home, nope.

This is bad, bad,bad. Anyone else see where this is going? He only runs with the top girl. Only gives rides home to certain girls.

Obviously you play favorites in the mind of the crazies. They’ll spread rumors about you and you’ll end up accused of sexual misconduct.

Quit now bro. Your parents being friends with their parents won’t save you.

WinnytheBish wrote:

Carnegie wrote:

It's not that simple. Different perceptions and misunderstandings are common, especially in that dynamic, and especially in current times. A misunderstanding is not worth your job and/or career, and it's good practice to limit exposure.

Here's the thing...it IS that simple. The amount of "crazy" women that you guys are talking about is few and far between. I don't know how you could possibly have an misunderstandings that would cost your job unless you're commenting on her body or something extremely personal. It's not that hard guys. Also +1 to the guy who called out the toxic bloodline that looms around all of us coaches, making it rough for the rest of us.

You have no idea what you're talking about. I am a man and had false allegations made against me by a woman by the time I was 26. My best friend had false allegations made against him by the age of 30. Literally every guy I know has had it either happen to him or happen to someone he knows well. My dad has been in upper management in his field for nearly 40 years, and allegations, often false, are a regular thing he deals with. I am only 32 and have been told stories of 4 different women now (all at different work places) who would habitually file sexual harassment charges on men at work and continued to do so even after there was video proof they were lying. In one case, the woman bent over and then backed her rear end into a guy who was just standing there minding his own business with his back towards her, and she cried sexual harassment. The whole thing was on video.

It happens, way more often than people realize. Women are physically weaker, so they have evolved to figure out ways to hurt men in ways that don't require physical strength. Lying and character assassination is one. If you don't know this, you are simply naive.

Or just not act like a creep. I guess it's IncelHour on Letsrun.

You basically justifying why you can have run dates with high school girls! There are no other options? You can't organize group runs, find anyone else to join you? Kids can still run together even if they're not at the same level, just run around a field where everyone can see each other and kids can go at their own pace Seems like you're finding reasons to have alone time with high school girls when there's tons of other ways you could figure things out where that wouldn't need to happen

More common than people realize wrote:

I am only 32 and have been told stories of 4 different women now (all at different work places) who would habitually file sexual harassment charges on men at work and continued to do so even after there was video proof they were lying. In one case, the woman bent over and then backed her rear end into a guy who was just standing there minding his own business with his back towards her, and she cried sexual harassment. The whole thing was on video.

Then there's the ones who gossip about the creepy guy who they keep having sex with anyway. Monica Lewinskies.

The men on this thread are saying to always have at least one other person around.

The women who post are suggesting it is usually the man's fault, and if not the man's fault then the men are supposed to figure out a priori who is the "crazy" female.

Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor triangle.

The men rescue themselves.

The women persecute those males who remove an opportunity for women to play victim.

A number of years ago, a trend started (I don't know how extensively) that students in colleges (maybe HSs as well) would decide to behave so badly in class that the teacher might react by raising their voice or otherwise scolding the students, to which the students would then produce their cellphones ready to record (to include video). This passive-aggressive behavior is abuse, and bullying of the teacher. The students were not one gender or another, just a ploy to play victim so as to get an easy grade given to them as compensation, or to otherwise control the amount of studying and how easy the final test must be.

Having a recorder on in a coach's office is not an invasion of privacy.

If my coach had not taken me to training every day and taken me to races as a teenager I would not have had some of the happiest memories of my time running.

Clearly most of the people on this thread are not coaches and are extremely ignorant of the realities of the high school landscape. This notion that high school kids are springing traps to get various adults in their orbit in trouble is not supported by any facts other than anecdotal evidence by the basement dwellers of this board.

If you consider the amount of HS track coaches in the country, the number of people that have been accused of anything untoward is, at most, 1% . The amount of people fired for this sort of thing is 1% of that 1%. This is not some epidemic that is affecting every program in the country. It's just that when it does happen the story is salacious, so it's typically reported on ad nauseum.

I would agree that if you're a young male coach, it's not a great idea to hold closed door meetings with your female athletes. That's a read you can make based on your relationship with the kid and with their parents. But the idea that you shouldn't ever have a one on one conversation with any athlete you're coaching is just dumb.

Have that conversation in an area that is visible to others, never behind closed doors.

I'm a teacher and a coach and I've made it personal policy to 1) Always have at least one other person, preferably an adult, when interacting with any student-athlete and 2) Always address the student-athlete as if the child's parent is right there beside you.

Doing this has save me twice from accusations that could have been damaging. Having a witness AND saying the right things have saved my job.

ismconfused wrote:

I've given girls a ride home because their parents asked me.

Yikes. This is terrible judgement on your part. What if you are genuinely doing what you think is a good thing and helping out and the girl, who secretly likes you, makes a move. You reject it because, well, you're an adult who knows better. That rejection embarrasses and and angers her. She accuses you of inappropriate conduct. Good luck explaining to police what you were doing driving a minor home in the first place.