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Letsrun.com co-founder Weldon Johnson’s 28:27 10k taken off the record books

Johnson twins face lifetime competition ban

 

It was announced that LetsRun.com co-founders Weldon and Robert Johnson have been banned from all future competition for life for cheating, albeit not drug cheating.  Ever since Weldon burst onto the national scene last year with a sub 28:30 clocking in the men’s 10k, a huge 1:22 p.r., track aficionados had been nearly certain that something was amiss.  Drugs were quickly dismissed as a possibility due to Weldon repeatedly passing test after test and due to the fact that Weldon’s slight frame clearly wasn’t steroid induced, “He ought to be embarrassed to be that weak,” quipped one IAAF drug tester. 

 

After drugs were dismissed, attention turned to the possibility that Weldon’s identical twin brother Robert had run part of the race for him. “This idea proved to be the most ridiculous of all,” said an unnamed IAAF official.  “We secretly watched Robert train and it became obvious that he could barely run one mile in 4:30 and thus wouldn’t be of any help. We then reexamined the tape and realized that Brent or Brad Hauser – one of the other twins from Texas – had run the race wearing Weldon’s jersey.” 

 

Weldon admitted the accusations were true.  “We were tired of being known as the slow pair of twins from Texas and thus we had to come up with a plan. Brent and Brad both resemble me and my brother and thus we recruited them to run for us.  I’m still not sure which one it was that ran for me as they look too much alike. This being America and all, we knew that everything has a price tag – even our rivals.  I just can’t believe that they’d do it for the measly sum of $25,000 dollars.  I was willing to pay 4 times as much after striking it rich with the LetsRun.com IPO last March,” said Weldon.


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