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RE: Post-nuptial shutoff
I (thankfully) realized this was happening to me before it got to the extreme some of you talk about. We had a long chat about the situation, and while she did express a decrease in the amoung to time she wanted it, she claimed to understand where I was coming from and promised to "work on it." So I took her at her word. Things improved for a time, but several weeks later we were back to square one. I was frustrated, and nothing frustrated me more than the days where she would flirt with me all day long and tease me to death, only to not put out that night.
I wish I could take credit for the following, but a buddy passed this tip on to me and maybe it'll help some of you:
One Friday morning I sent her an email to her work address and told her how nice she looked leaving the house for work that day. About ten minutes later I sent a second email to the same email address telling her that I was thinking about her and how pretty her smile was as she left the house. A little later I emailed her and told her I was still thinking of her and that she should check her private email account in a few minutes (her superiors are allowed to read any employee's email on the office server and I didn't want to get her in trouble).
I switched over to yahoo mail and started getting a little more creative and a little more personal. About every 10 to 20 minutes I sent her something a little more suggestive, eventually telling her exactly what I was going to do to/for her when she got home, starting with a romantic dinner through the backrub and right into the bedroom, going into as much detail as i thought she'd enjoy.
At first, she told me to knock it off playfully, but as the day went on she admitted that she was enjoying it and really looking forward to coming home that night.
When she got home, I had dinner fixed and the table set. After a nice dinner, during which she kept sexually flirting with me constantly, we watched a movie. About half way through the movie I went over and sat on the couch with her and started the backrub. About five minutes later she said, I really don't want to watch the end of this, will you please take me to bed now. I had her in the palm of my hand she was so worked up. She needed it.
I said that she should go ahead and get ready and that I had to use the bathroom but would be right in. I have to admit that I was pretty worked up too at this point but also knew I was right where I wanted to be. I went in the bathroom and relieved all my sexual energy, just to make sure I didn't give in when I got in the bedroom.
So I went to bed, basically gave her a light kiss, and went to sleep. She tried repeatedly to start things with me, was very aggressive for a short time, but I didn't react. I eventually slept like a rock.
The next morning she asked if she had done something wrong or if I had forgotten about all the things I had said on Friday? I asked if she had enjoyed dinner, the backrub, the movie and she said yes, but what about after, why didn't I want to mess around? I asked her if she was frustrated after a long day of flirting and teasing and no payout and of course she said yes. And I then simply said that now she truly did understand how I felt about 28 of 31 days each month.
Childish? Sure it was. A lot of nonsense to prove a point? Of course. Mean? Maybe. Say what you will. And while she was outright pissed at me for a day or two, shortly thereafter we had another talk, and she asked if I really did feel that way so much of the time. I said yes, and said that while I didn't expect her to be in the mood every single time I was, I certainly didn't want to feel that way for most of the rest of our marriage. Things have improved incredibly since then, and if it took that little childish act to make a point, it was worth every minute of it.
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