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Dr. Phil Your Hole
RE: Post-nuptial shutoff?

Girl Next Door wrote:

I haven't read this entire thread so maybe some other woman said something similar already, but I'm one of those wives who has pretty much shut off my husband. It started when I realized that although my husband probably loved me, I felt like he didn't really care that it was me who he was having sex with. I could be any warm body with a "hole" and he would probably be perfectly happy whether it was actually me or not. That's how it felt, anyway. And that is what turned me off to him. I haven't lost my sex drive, I have fantasies all the time, especially when he is not around, so that isn't the problem. Then of course he has gained weight and doesn't compliment me anymore (even tho I have a great face and figure and an average to above-average personality). I do have sex with him occasionally out of guilt, but its mostly to get it over with.

Have you told him this? Reminded him of this? Brow beat him about this?

I have had sex with my girlfriend where I was just banging away at her in order to get my rocks off. Got off and was happy about that but it wasn't great sex -- so I feel ya.

But ya'll need to talk about it. Sometimes it will be good for you. A lot of times it will be good for him. But what ya'll should have been aiming at is that it is good for both -- and that takes trial and error and a lot of work. Apparently more than either of you are willing to do . . .

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