My son has gone right off the rails

I wouldn't send him away - the start of this upset was his mum going away, he may take being sent away as you don't want him. I'm sure it works in a lot of situations but not sure about this one.

He probably is angry and needs stability. If he really enjoyed his race maybe get him involved with parkrun, he could do one every week and have something to look forward to. Also, he would probably finish quite high up, which would be encouraging for him.

Sorry I meant away as in the bootcamp ideas. If he gets on with his grandparents and wants to stay with them that's different.

He should be well equipped to run an 800m on pure hate.

Markmiles wrote:

He's agreed to go and stay with his grandparents for a month to give us both some breathing space. As a single parent with a full time job it's incredibly difficult to juggle everything, along with meeting the needs of his younger sister.

Jesus Christ. He threw a can and broke a couple of glasses at home, and you cannot handle this? How does that even cross your mind as a problem? It probably cost like $3. That seems less serious than listening to music loudly on headphones in response to something frustrating.

He should live with his mom if you have this much trouble. You sound like the kid with a problem who needs parental help. Needing to leave and upturn people's home lives because someone broke a glass in an absolutely victimless effort.

You should go on a vacation if you cannot handle this, not him. Abandoning your family on something this small, I cannot imagine ANYONE will be there for you when you are older.

Markmiles wrote:

Regularly smashes glasses against the wall, throws heavy items down the stairs, some of his behaviour just can't be explained (throwing a tin of spaghetti all over the bathroom walls).

Did he look relaxed while doing it?

Clearly you're a colossal idiot.

Clearly.

Have you encouraged him to translate those actions into words? You're talking to us?

Talk with him.

dont get angry with him. tell him you love him.

Markmiles wrote:

He's agreed to go and stay with his grandparents for a month to give us both some breathing space. As a single parent with a full time job it's incredibly difficult to juggle everything, along with meeting the needs of his younger sister.

I did though get him to run a 5k race a few weeks ago which he enjoyed. I'm not going to try and force running onto him but he's keen to do another race.

Cheers.

I'll add to the advice along the lines of continue to try to talk to him, offer to help him start or pursue new hobbies, but let him take the lead with his own interests. Only caveat about letting him stay at his grandparents is to continue to stay in touch with him, remind him that you love him and you'll get through this period, as difficult as it is. I'm just a bit wary of him feeling abandoned (again) even though he agreed to go. Breathing room is definitely ok. It is OK to temporarily walk away from a situation to let things cool down, just let him (each other) know that you're backing off because you need time to think and work through it productively because you WANT to find solutions, not because you just don't want to deal with him. Best of luck. Hang in there.

Find a newer, prettier mum for him.

Cleveland browns head coach wrote:

Find a newer, prettier mum for him.

Hell, lets get the kid laid

TheQuarrymen wrote:

Hell, lets get the kid laid

Bro: 99% of the skinny, shorty-short wearing bags of bones on this site can't get themselves laid, forget about someone else.

artistic temperament wrote:

Markmiles wrote:

some of his behaviour just can't be explained (throwing a tin of spaghetti all over the bathroom walls).

He's a frustrated artist. They are difficult to live with.

Stock up on art supplies. Encourage experimentation, but don't push it. Resist the urge to set the creative agenda. Avoid becoming an art critic. Talk with your child about his art. Display and notice the artwork of all your children. Don't correct your child's artwork. Find new places to do big, messy art projects.

I’ve abandoned my child! I’ve abandoned my boy! - Daniel Plainview??

Uncle B wrote:

Mort McMurray wrote:

If a kid has gotten to age 13 and demonstrates that he has absolutely zero fear of consequences like this, then the parenting has probably failed beyond recovery.

Your only hope now is that he suffers some consequences of his actions enforced by and external enforcement agency that makes him realize that he can't act like that.

Great idea. Maybe they will kill him.

This had me laughing on the train dude. I did not expect that.

You are in the best country in the world for its youth structure, unfortunately I never got to take full advantage of it. If he likes racing, take him down the local AC, they will be doing loads of good sessions. If I had the opportunity to go back in time to being 13 and join a proper club and do proper sessions, I would take it in a heartbeat, as I wouldn't be worrying about trying to get a good 1500 so as to run a good 10k, I would already have that speed base.

Best of Luck,

Matthew

SDSU Aztec wrote:

Get some professional help.

Markmiles wrote:

Already done that, hasn't made any difference.

With that attitude, I see why you are failing as a parent and your child as a developing man.

You have "already done" every single type of professional help? No, you haven't.

SDSU's comment should have opened a discussion, but you closed it instead. You seem like the type who is looking for a magic bullet, not to actually work on anything.

Good luck.

Official Speed Force User wrote:

Back in the day. Oh about 25 plus years ago now when a child got out of hand they were given 2 options......... You could be quiet and obey or you could get the belt across you’re ass then obey. I am not from those times but I always hear the stories of old. Anyways such punishment today is considered abuse in the highest from basically?‍♂️

Because it is abuse. I lived through that time and it's abuse. It also doesn't really change anything. The kids going to do what they want to do they'll just learn how to get away with it better.

Make him give you the answers wrote:

Mention to him that he has been destructive and that it doesn't help the situation, and talk to him about what he thinks you all could do to help improve the situation. He must think that the current situation sucks and you can ask him what steps he thinks could be taken to get into a better situation and see. A 13 year-old isn't a complete idiot, they have brains and can think about things a bit. Show that you care and make the improvements seem like his idea.

I completely agree with this. Obviously he's been suffering trauma and doesn't see any resolution and/or way to stop it.

Talking with the dad has not been working. It's quite likely that the dad is a major source of the trauma, or at the very least, is not helping the boy to deal with it. Thus an outside counselor of the type will will listen to him - not seek something wrong with him - could be quite helpful.