Anorexia

I hate seeing this, because I went through the same thing starting half a year ago. I missed a championship season and Im injured again because of this feeling of wanting to control it, but please, dont. You will get injured. I know how hard it is, but try and see a professional about this.

The protein shakes I was referring to have no sugar! I don’t have an ED/fear of it but I do have genetically high blood sugars which I have to monitor carefully via diet. Look them up!

Im an inch taller than you and the same weight and I feel perfectly fine. your overreacting

Overreacting wrote:

Im an inch taller than you and the same weight and I feel perfectly fine. your overreacting

This guy is not overreacting. He's restricting his calories to more than a thousand below what he needs a day. His unhealthy associations with food will rob him of his happiness, if it hasn't already. OP being a vegetarian or vegan is fine, but you have to make a conscious effort to get enough vitamin a, iron, b12 and the right macronutrients - namely protein. I'd get regular bloodwork (checkups) to insure I wasn't anemic or heading toward anemia if I were on a vegan diet on top of everything else you do for your health. A new year is coming up. I hope you commit to getting healthy - in mind, diet, and body.

You know what that means then. To feel guilty every time You eat. To feel fat even if you can touch your bones. To wake up every morning and check in with the scale because its the only thing that can give you the truth. That can show you that you are not fat even if the mirror says otherwise. I take picture of my weight on the scale. When i see myself fat in the mirror i look at the picture and i calm down.

I know i will never run like before，I can feel my body. I am not stupid.

I am sorry you went through injury. I am too dealing with a chronic RSI at the moment and i keep running. Some days are better than others . Some days the pain will come back.

I wanted to thank you and wish you a beautiful Christmas and Happy New Year，too.

Where in the Usa do you live？Its such a beautiful country. I wanted to ask for advice on this on a running forum because i knew you could have given me the right advice in the best interest of what i love to do. Running.

My former personal trainer has blamed my injuries to my caloric restriction and he talked to me many times about this. He said that i dont eat enough and i got so angry at him for saying that. I hate when people tell me to eat meat. Its easy anyway for me not to eat it because i have grown to disgust the thought of eating animal muscles and on top of that meat has too many calories.

But its true that before I could run healthy，long ago.

Running means more to me than just burning calories. When i was injured i learned to appreciate the true intrinsic value of running in itself，not only because it allowed me to eat like a normal person and lose weight. Running is the only reason i keep eating like a normal person and feeling bad doing so everyday even if i have burned everything.

I have tried to eat up more than my needs months ago to gain a healthy weight when i returned to my home country italy （i live in Finland at the moment for work reasons）after a long time. Everyone noticed you know i felt so embarassed i couldnt even hide it with clothes because it was summer. My grandmother was very angry with me. She brought me to the doctor for blood tests without me even asking. Yes i was anemic but its normal for me. I have always been. She even forced me to eat sugar sweets which i had to get rid of otherwise but ate just not to listen to her in my ear.

The biggest thing I guess i noticed in my country. It was not warm for me i remember summer in italy used to feel so incredibly hot before. Here in Finland i have heating at 30 degrees in my house. Its so cold.

I have tried really and it was terrible. I would have said that i started to become bulimic. Because i felt so guilty of the excess calories they forced me to eat and that I myself forced to eat to improve my running. But everytime i do i find it difficult to keep them in myself.

When i eat its natural for me to make caloric calculations.

I either want to purge with laxatives or exercise excessively to burn them all off. So i said its easier not to eat enough in the first place.

But I will try again. I want to.go for a Run now. I really want to.

Thank you.

Yes i do work. I have just recently finished my studies and offered a job in Finland so i moved up here for work. I mean i get paid pretty well i can afford what you said. To get help. I dont really need assistance and i would be ashamed to ask at my wotkplace. But i think my collegue has noticed that I dont eat enough Its my birthday today if they are gonna offer me food i dont know what to say. I cant just tell them i cant eat that. I am ashamed dont you understand to say it to real people.

My collegue also goes to the same gym as mine. And She sees the volume.of my exercise and that i always eat beans with bread and broccoli from home at work. I just hope other people dont notice.

I am not involving anyone else in this. I will try again today.

Merry Christmas.

Yes i will look them up. Thank you so much for your advice. do you really need so.much protein？I got like 20 grams of protein or something not including grains and rice yesterday.

I dunno i just say it because i have felt weak and not so healthy in my running. But thats also what i tell myself and i find tons of excuses not to eat enough for my caloric expenditure.

A body mass index 18 is not too bad... Is it？

Billmax are you a female?

In answer to your question，I am a male. My instagram justmyself966 i hope to post more pictures of my runs when i will get back outside （when its warmer ）

If you are only eating 20g of protein in a day you are going to end up with some pretty significant issues and sooner than you think. That isn’t even enough to fuel a sedentary elderly person’s body properly, let alone a young male who is actively training in sport. Please seek help and seek it right now, your BMI may still be in a good place but that doesn’t mean your health is. I am sorry if this offends or scares but I am being completely 100% honest.

I stopped reading after "I haven't been to a doctor"

Go to a doctor. Go see a professional.

Well I cannot stomach protein. It makes me too full. And I hate the feeling of fullness. I only eat carbohydrates these days because its the only way i can trick my body to have the empty feeling in my stomach while still meeting a little bit more my calorie needs.

Sorry to share this if its weird to you but this is how i live. I want to throw up now. I feel so guilty. I tried to eat more today but i am going back to my diet tomorrow. I want to eat beans and salad. I hate how it feels to overeat to gain weight even if i do it on purpose. I was given some chocolate for my birthday. I brought it home for work. Stared it for minutes. Then I took 5 pieces 32 calories each. and put it in my mouth i just wanted to taste it you know and my plan was to spit it out anyway. But i mistakenly swallowed it. I feel i poisined my body. that is 200 wasted calories！I didnt eat my favourite salmon at dinner which i really wanted so much. I was afraid to eat that piexe of salmon. and then i wasted 200 calories on that. i took the whole package and throw it in the trash. All that chocolate can sit in the trash. i am so angry. Why did i do that. I am never eating sugar again. You dont even know how that feels.

Thank you but I dont think i am able to do this at the moment. Talking about this，is a very deep thing to share. I cannot go to the doctor. I am afraid.

Billmax wrote:

Thank you but I dont think i am able to do this at the moment. Talking about this，is a very deep thing to share. I cannot go to the doctor. I am afraid.

Winny speaks the truth. Unless you go see a professional, nothing anyone can tell you is going to help your situation. What are you afraid of?

After having a series of very weak Runs （I was afraid I would break something in my body when I run） I convinced myself to eat a little BIt more within my comfort zone. I ate normal the last two days despite feeling miserable ，about 2000 calories a day. To do that I had to eat only carbohydrate and cut all the protein and fat because I would Feel too full otherwise. That way I managed to eat without feeling too full. I will Try to gain one kg. But I am not Gaining more . My personal trainer said I should be around 60kg She was out of her mind. Thats a BMI of about 22. Thats never gonna happen. I am not getting that fat. I checked in with the scale to plan my meals. My weight has not changed at all because of hypermetabolism I guess. Deep Inside I am Happy even tho I have Unsuccesfully tried to gain weight. So I can eat Today too until I will get to 51 or something.

You ask me what I am afraid. On one side I am afraid to break myself when I run and Feel all my bones. On the other side I am afraid to gain weight. I am really afraid.

And the Doctor does not give a crap about anyone Except than getting his salary.

Do you think its easy to talk about These things even if He would give a crap？

I felt so uncomfortable eating exactly the double i usually do in the last two days. I felt incredibly overwhelmed by the thought of the calories i have in my body. How am i gonna burn，get rid of them. I said i will take some laxatives. I will go for a run. I will vomit them. These were my thoughts. The whole day. But i kept all the food in myself. Because i hope to run again like before. I calmed down when i saw that my weight was unchanged this morning.

Maybe i just ate normal and didnt overeat at all as my brain makes me believe.

Today， i will try again. Merry Christams.

Billmax wrote:

As much as i love the feeling of an empty stomach，i love running more and as a runner it is my duty to make choices in the best interest of running. I tried not.to think about and force myself to eat more，today and yesterday. I feel so guilty. I hate to have food in my stomach. When I eat i feel everything. I miss the feeling of an empty stomach. I miss to feel that.

I dont know what to do.

You say you love running more than your disorder and that it's your duty to make choices in the best interest of running. Well, it's a fact that you cannot be a runner and continue bargaining with your disorder and be healthy, I can guarantee you that.

Just reading through the thread, it seems like you're afraid of going to see a specialist about this. You're afraid of what people are telling you is the right thing to do in this situation. You really shouldn't be. A good athlete is able to identify a problem (which you have identified) and take action to remedy it. That action is taking yourself to see a professional. And I know you don't want to do that, you don't want to have other people involved -- but just the job of a health professional is to get involved with your health and help you to feel happy and healthy in the body that you're in.

No one on this board can help you, as much as you want to believe that. You are not healthy -- you know that, we know that. There is no amount of continuing to post on this board that is going to change that. Sheer will, wanting to "try to eat normal" is not going to change it either. This way of living is unsustainable, it's an endless cycle, and you need to step up and break it by seeing a professional. That is one phone call you need to make that will change your life for the better.

I've never dealt with anorexia, but I have personally dealt with other mental health issues and I can tell you that I have been in your shoes. I have bargained with myself and tried to fix it on my own. I have turned down or avoided the help of others. And every time, it has broken me down to the point of no return, and I just wished I had someone telling me what I am telling you now. Especially as dudes, it can be hard to "man up" and go seek out proper help when we need it, but that is some BS I can tell you has landed lots of men in very unfortunate situations.

I have a friend from high school who dealt with anorexia. I remember one year she had gotten so rail-thin (she participated in track, but was not a career athlete) that it was hard not to notice and bring up to my other friends. When we would bring it up to her, she'd lash out and tell us we were wrong, that it's a dietary choice. She was also experimenting with veganism at this time. It'd drive us to tears, and it was scary for me seeing someone I'd known for years as a happy, healthy person just disintegrating before me. Knowing her now, her relationship with food has improved substantially, and she rocks a healthy body that she looks great in. She's still vegan and eats what makes her feel healthy and happy, and last time I checked in with her she doesn't have any outstanding health issues.

I tell that story to show that even if you think others are judging you, we really are just seeing your inner torment on your outside and are wanting what we know is best for you. Humans are social animals, and when one of our own community is struggling we do our best to pick them up and help them succeed. I know you're not just posting here to share your thoughts, your posting here is a cry for help that we are trying to address as anonymous message board users as best we can.

Nothing we say goes beyond personal anecdote, well wishes, and the recommendation/plead to see a professional. Outside of those bounds, we can't help you. You have to take a step towards healthy living and make that phone call.

Look I am human，and as human i made a mistake. And i judt wanted to tell you why. It was a mistake to involve you in this and I never wish to do it again neither with you nor with a professional.

I am a runner because I run and i dont care what you say about that. I can tell by peoples face and looks what they think about me when i exercise in the gym，or when I shop at the supermarket.

You think I dont know that？

They better keep their thoughts to themselves. And I dont care as I said to.my father，I dont want my existance to involve anyone.

I wont eat so.i dont even have to feel that. Go ahead and say what you want. Merry christams. This post ends now.from my side.