Anyone else genuinely dislike your parents as an adult?

I came to realize that some of my problems as an adult stemmed from a rough childhood due to very poor parenting. It's kind of depressing to wish that things would have been different, but I try to stay positive despite a lack of self love because of my childhood most of the time. My mother was way too overprotective and a helicopter parent. Due to this, I could not necessarily experience many things I should have. My dad yelled at me a lot as a kid, probably out of frustration from hating his job and being annoyed by my mom, and that excessively harsh criticism hurt my self esteem. He did not make a decent effort to socialize with me either, and the way he yelled at me made me not want to really interact with him anyways. I realize that I have some things today that a lot of people wish they had, such as: a good job, a lot of disposable income, a fit body, sense of humor, good looks and intelligence. Things a lot of people wish they had. But it's a very difficult challenge for me not to be sad and hate myself sometimes. I do not have much confidence at all, even though I really have no reason not to. It sucks. I feel for anyone else going through a struggle. Hang in there.

This Be The Verse

BY PHILIP LARKIN

They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f*cked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

Philip Larkin, "This Be the Verse" from Collected Poems. Copyright © Estate of Philip Larkin. Reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber, Ltd.

Source: Collected Poems (Farrar Straus and Giroux, 2001)

Coincidentally came across this video today. Spot on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc8AXX50BjI

And it is not like I am some bast*rd runt, either. I had perfect scores on my SAT and GRE, finished #1 in my HS and #1 in my major in university, as well as winning plenty in running and starting social clubs. I was always honest and responsible and just sought to help as much as possible. Comfortably admitted to medical schools on my first try, as well as other elite careers full of important responsibility.

His wife's children from another man, for whom he DOES pay tuition and every other possible imaginable thing, are some of the most complete trashy idiots. They get caught with drugs regularly, they drive drunk in crowded places, bully everyone and do nothing good for anyone, cannot reach minimum scores to even gain admission to college despite tutoring and several tries (all paid for by my father) they lie and cheat to push the line to get advantages they absolutely do not need or deserve, like skipping the crowded ER because her daughter's ankle hurt when it was clearly nothing and they were just laughing as they abused the system to make her feel better with a placebo effect, bypassing the people dying and waiting in line for actual conditions. The one is as dumb as someone can be without actually working with the special needs children. I have taught the highest level and low level university courses and have never seen anyone that slow or incapable of grasping anything.

It astounds me my father pays tuition for them and less than none for me.

alpha wrote:

This is really sad.

No wonder so many on this forum are caught up in phony "social justice" and "gender" causes, not to mention support for AlSal.

Way too many mommy and daddy issues, y'all need help. Seriously.

Wow, what a haughty, smug POS you are. You equate people with some truly sad personal stories with 'sjw/gender' causes? This is one of the most moronic things I have ever read on this site and that is saying something.

Newsflash, you nitwit: Some people have the good fortune (you included according to your oh so smug earlier post) to be born to wonderful parents, and some people have the incredibly bad fortune to be born to people who shouldn't be allowed to have pets, let alone children.

I would suggest that YOU are the one who needs help finding out why you seem to lack a shred of empathy and humanity; you sound like an awful person and I sincerely hope you do not have kids of your own. It's clear your parents failed you miserably regardless of your earlier post and I feel sorry for you.

And full disclosure: I had fantastic parents, truly great, and I feel very fortunate. This does not preclude my understanding that other people are not so fortunate nor my ability to feel empathy for their stories.

No, I don't dislike my parents. They did their best, and I could always rely on them.

But we're very different people. And we're struggling to forge an adult relationship, since we have so little in common -- politics, lifestyle, interests. Our interactions have become perfunctory.

Maybe that will change when I have kids. I know they'll want to be around for that. And I'll want my kids to spend time with them, too.

(Side note: You people tell some horror stories. Get therapy if you can -- that sh*t is rough.)

Yea same here, have great parents. That's the greatest privilege in life.

Apparently the truth hurts.

Enjoy your "feelings".

I am pretty much done with my parents. My parents divorced when I was 7. It was very acrimonious and went on and on. When I finally got out of the house, both my parents had remarried. So, now I have to deal with all the issues with my step parents. Both my parents fail to acknowledge these issues. My step mother likes to throw bombs at my dad's relationship with me and my sister. My sister cut off all contact with my dad as a result. I have done my best to keep the peace, but my step mother is keeping my dad from buying my kids nice presents even though she travels to Europe and my dad has a lifetime pension from a VP job at a defense contractor. My mom married a dead beat who kept getting fired from his job due to his complete lack of emotional intelligence (i.e. he would piss everyone off and get canned). He has two awful daughters. He insists on visiting them and their awful children all the time even though my mom and step father have minimal retirement income. He then won't let my mom come and visit my kids even though I offer to pay for the trip. He doesn't want to be home alone because he has had heart trouble. Instead, my mom insists on me dragging my family to visit her and burn our very limited vacation time sitting around the northeast and going grocery shopping with her. Every visit is just painful with either my mom or dad. I do not even try to visit them anymore as my wife gets very upset and my kids go nuts sitting around with nothing to do.-

My experience wasn't physical, but i thought my parents were perfect growing up. They hid their issues from us which i guess is good, but once me and my sibling got to college, they had an ugly divorce and separated. Dad came off kinda blaming us, which could be normal since this is a traumatic experience, but never once thought about the children who are also affected. I lost contact as he made promises but would always fall through. Once my first child was about to be born i gave him the opportunity to come back for my childs sake, and again he disappeared. Guess he wanted nothing to do with his kids now that we are adults. Haven't talked to him in 4 years, sometimes it bothers me but i just remember to be a better parent than him.

parents can be real asses but doesnt mean we have to be.

How does he take ‘your’ money?

He steals from under your mattress or takes your ATM card and you give him your pin?

Sounds like he is an asswipe but also sounds like you’re entitled because it’s HIS money, not yours.

Himmler confused wrote:

How does he take ‘your’ money?

He steals from under your mattress or takes your ATM card and you give him your pin?

Sounds like he is an asswipe but also sounds like you’re entitled because it’s HIS money, not yours.

He has a similar enough name that some local credit unions would let him use my account, open loans in my name, ...

He would also sometimes offer an exchange where I would front money, and he just quit after I gave my side.

The money was most assuredly mine. Directly given to me from work or scholarships.

Your parents are potentially as f-ed up as anyone. At some point, you might realize how f-ed up they are and that you probably would not want to be around them if they were not your parents. And then as you become more aware of their nonsense, you might decide that you really don't want to spend that much time around them anymore.

In my case, my dad is emotionally and verbally abusive and my mother is both a victim of this behavior and an enabler. She should have left him years ago but she never will. Last time I visited, my dad had two drunken emotional outbursts in two days. I've given up on anything changing and just keep my distance.

Help her man, It sounds like she's aware of her faults and she tries to talk to you for help. Doesn't mean you have to devote all your time and money to her but you could slip in ideas to get her over whatever hump she is at or things you do in situations where you need a positive vibe up. Shits hard no ones perfect we all do the best we can.

Lol family problems! Let's see ...My parents never drank and weren't religious fanatics, just didn't drink or smoke or gamble. My Dad was pretty cool but serious, I still like to be around him now. My mom died years ago. She most definitely emotionally abused my siblings and I. I just think she was super immature and never did mature. Had three kids by 20 years old, after it was all said and done she had 9 kids. Stay at home Mom totally overwhelmed. She would walk around with a belt around her neck ready to use at a moment's notice. Good times.

Took me a long time to stop hating myself and a lot of it had to do with family. I guess that I just focused on accepting myself for who I am and proud of what I have done, regardless of anyone's opinion about it, including family. We long for the approval of our parents but they will approve what they see as acceptable and not always consider what is best for you or even care about your happiness. They will project their insecurities and unhappiness onto you. It's hard to accept that the worst parts of our families may never change, but that's the way it is. We can strive to be better people ourselves even if others are not.

It is sad being a part of a family that simply does not get along. Some folks have it much worse but that doesn't mean you should ignore what's going on in your own shop. I think we all what to be a part of close-knit family bond and when we don't have that, it's hard to replace or re-create.

I can't relate to the this thread one bit.

OP, you blew my mind. Your description of your mother is exactly like my mother down to every last detail. I thought maybe I wrote that during a state of amnesia haha.

I describe our mothers as being consumed by ancient grievances. It's a tangible burden they carry around always.

One time my stepdad had a work buddy over to the house to watch football and some little thing on the television tangentially reminded my mom of her sister (who she hates). Because of this random provocation my mom starts telling the 30 year history of all her grievances and fights with her sister. She does this to the point of working herself into a tearful frenzy. And she has no problem doing this to a poor visitor who just came for beer and football. Imagine how awkward the guy felt. It was deep psychological disfunction on full display.

All I can say is it's probably a lot more common than we think. But yeah it's very hard to have a relationship with these people regardless. Counseling, and them actually wanting to change their life is the only solution I see. But I think it's very comfortable for them to stay in the toxic cloud of grievances.

Just curious, does your mom air out dirty laundry on Facebook? One time my mom got set off and decided to tell everyone on Facebook all the private details from her divorce over 30 years ago and tell some very private stuff about my now deceased father. (They were long divorced when he died, unrelated to her problems)

My dad's side of the family was furious and I had to deal with the blowback

Great thread. I am totally prepared for my kids to find me irrelevant at best and perhaps hate me. I blame the democrats.