My kids are spoilt, privileged and entitled. And it’s everything I hate!

Don't hand them money. If they want something, they have to save up with allowance money earned through chores or through a job. Also, lead by example. Look for ways to save money, don't use lots of money for things you don't absolutely need. When you're shopping with them, make a point to look for discounts or cheaper items. It will teach them how to work with money.

soccerxc wrote:

Don't hand them money. If they want something, they have to save up with allowance money earned through chores or through a job. Also, lead by example. Look for ways to save money, don't use lots of money for things you don't absolutely need. When you're shopping with them, make a point to look for discounts or cheaper items. It will teach them how to work with money.

I’m concerned they’re old enough now to see through this trick.

I can tighten up in areas, but I’m not a particular big spender, and I’m not a materialistic guy.

But it seems it travels to them through osmosis, as they have become aware of things such as house, car, holidays, etc. Things that you work hard to provide but then you see them take it for granted.

It grates on me, because through college I was the poor kid attending a prestigious school. There was lots of rich mammy and daddy kids there, and I grew to think I had an edge in life on them. Mainly because they were soft and pompous. My kids are now that. And I worry how they will cope growing up and getting out into the real world.

You taught them that material acquisition, is more important than time, concern for others and being together.

It's more than just getting them to work more. It's the development of good values in different levels through relationship.

ConcernedDad4644 wrote:

Some might say - very good money.

dare I say it - dislikeable.

You sound dislikeable. Dare I say it -very dislikeable.

The apple does not fall far from the tree.

This may have little to do with your parenting style and much more to say about you.

You just have to say no. I have a 32 year old friend who is STILL on his dad's cell phone plan and living at home. His dad makes a bucket of money a day. It's made the kid extremely entitled. It's sad.

I understand you feel guilty for working so much and not being home. But you will feel more guilty when you raise kids who can't take care of themselves. For instance, if you have daughters, they will learn they need a man who will pay for everything and they will sell their bodies for that. I don't mean prostitution or porn, rather they'll marry a guy who physically and emotionally abuses them but they will be held hostage by money. If you have boys they will learn you can buy a women's body and treat them like garbage. See the point about women. They will be the men who physically and emotionally abuse their wives and flash the money around to say you can't leave me.

Just say no. If they need a car, don't buy a brand new $120k car (I live in an area where the student section of the high school is filled with $100k+ cars). Buy them a brand new car under $30k. I only say brand new because used is too cheap. The other end of the spectrum is you buy a cheap car that breaks and that causes stress on the kids. If they want to take a holiday, say no. Unless it's school or family related. It's really not that hard to say no. They might cry and whine and say they hate you, but they'll thank you and love you when they are on their own.

Don't worry. Since you have handed them everything on a silver platter, they will begin to seek experiences through "slumming." This will put them in touch with the lower class, who will be more than happy to rough them up, screw them over, and introduce them to drugs, ensuring that they waste years in debauchery. After a decade or more, they will emerge, blink their eyes in the blinding light of impending doom ("relative" poverty). They will seek you out, ask forgiveness (this will be easy) and ask for....wait for it....MONEY. You will give them everything on that silver platter. (Unless of course, the platter wasn't pawned by one of your useless heirs).

This is how great American fortunes have been squandered in the space of a few years.

How do I know? I'm a fundraiser and I deal with the very very wealthy. Their children are mostly ne'er do wells.

So it goes.

God bless America.

"Trick"? It isn't a trick. It's just being a good parent. Why are you trying to trick your kids instead of just teaching them the right thing. Make them work for what they want.

It seems like you are doing a bad job as a parent and your kids are turning out poorly as a result, and you are blaming your kids instead of yourself for it.

You're screwed. Kids of privilege are entitled and weak. You could always move to a less-affluent place and force them into "real world" life, or move to a rural area and get their weak assess outside to work. It's probably too late for that though, because they'll resent you for being hard on them, and they will disappoint and prove alienating the rest of your years.

It really is true, be careful what you wish for. Money is poison, especially for the young.

You're a dikkhead for saying something so aggressive in this context. Unlikeable indeed.

Johnny Appletree wrote:

You sound dislikeable. Dare I say it -very dislikeable.

The apple does not fall far from the tree.

This may have little to do with your parenting style and much more to say about you.

WhyRegisterHere? wrote:

You're a dikkhead for saying something so aggressive in this context. Unlikeable indeed.

Johnny Appletree wrote:

You sound dislikeable. Dare I say it -very dislikeable.

The apple does not fall far from the tree.

This may have little to do with your parenting style and much more to say about you.

Because this context, as you so prissily describe it, is so very genteel.

WhyRegisterHere? wrote:

You're screwed. Kids of privilege are entitled and weak. You could always move to a less-affluent place and force them into "real world" life, or move to a rural area and get their weak assess outside to work. It's probably too late for that though, because they'll resent you for being hard on them, and they will disappoint and prove alienating the rest of your years.

It really is true, be careful what you wish for. Money is poison, especially for the young.

You are a doofus to pretend you have a crystal ball. You have no clue how these kids are going to turn out ...or whether they will resent anyone/disappoint/prove alienating

OP here.

I appreciate the “rich kids” are going to get very little sympathy here or anywhere. But I’m not that background, I’m the opposite. And I’ve seen first hand the exact situations you all describe, which is why it’s so difficult now I have spotted it in my own children.

I’m not trying to trick, like someone described but the whole idea is that we can’t go on like this. And the fact they are now clued up to the fact we have money, it’s going to be difficult to shake it out of them.

I’m not an absent father by any means, it just seems really difficult to instill frugal habits when they would know it’s pretty much for show.

Nor is this a post for sympathy for myself, I genuinely want to know how the f*ck to give them a good shake.

Sorry mid-read the trick thing. My bad.

Would cutting off money and starting an allowance work?

What about holidays etc?

Another bummer is the school they attend.

They are all enrolled at a private school, which I figured I was doing a good thing and giving them a start in life. But it seems this attitude is rife amongst a lot of the children and they all develop it amongst each other.

Yes, it's gong to be difficult. You're going to change the rules. They will protest and dig their heels in. But if you want to change the rules, you can. You're in charge. Until you fully accept that, it's not going to change.

You're Santa Claus, all year around. That's fun! You want to be liked, so you give them everything they want. I suggest you first decide that they are your children, not your friends. Start saying no and making it stick. It's simple...but not easy.

Do you have your spouse on board? If so, buckle up, and stay the course. They will be the better for it.

Good luck.

You don't love your kids enough spend the time it takes to raise them right.

They see right through your loveless bribes, so they don't appreciate the material crap that you bribe them with.

Make all the excuses you want for your loveless parenting. Your kids can see right through it.

Why would they appreciate anything given to them not out of love, but out of guilt?

You're not willing to give your kids the one thing they need.

You're probably not even capable of it.

So the answer is to cut down the hours regardless of the professional cost and spend more time with the kids?

This is something I’d be willing to do, but my fear is that deep down they know they’ll always have a safety net in life.

I even had a thought to down size, drive a basic car and pretty much cut the bull crap until they’re all old enough such that I can explain. We actually are ok financially.

I realise a lot of people want to come out hot on the privileged, with rich guy problems, but it would be much worse if I was reinforcing these beliefs of theirs rather than addressing them as a problem?

Wasn't kidding about moving. You need to get them into an entirely new atmosphere and place. Rural would be good, a place with good but not affluent public schools. Get some acreage and get their lazy asses outside to work, hard work. Get them to some places where they can volunteer to do good works. It's a start anyway.

Phukk off, unregistered coward.

karma time, mister registered. wrote:

WhyRegisterHere? wrote:

You're screwed. Kids of privilege are entitled and weak. You could always move to a less-affluent place and force them into "real world" life, or move to a rural area and get their weak assess outside to work. It's probably too late for that though, because they'll resent you for being hard on them, and they will disappoint and prove alienating the rest of your years.

It really is true, be careful what you wish for. Money is poison, especially for the young.

You are a doofus to pretend you have a crystal ball. You have no clue how these kids are going to turn out ...or whether they will resent anyone/disappoint/prove alienating

buy a family farm and run it.