Advice for expectant fathers

Relax and use common sense.

Don't expect a lot of sleep or sex. Expect her moods to be unfavorable, requiring you to be a good husband. Your budget is about to be upset.

^ don't be that Dad

the kid will be 18 before you know it.

1st trimester - lots of nausea but at least most of her clothes still fit (her, not you). Hormones going crazy causing crying for no reason. Just don't ask her, "What's wrong?" but be there for her and let her know she's still attractive.

2nd trimester - the most comfortable one. Her hormones have settled some, appetite is back - both in the kitchen and bedroom. This trimester can be fun.

3rd trimester - this can be miserable. She can't sleep well because it's hard to get comfortable and when she rests then the baby wakes up and starts punching and kicking her in the bladder. She just wants to get it over.

She might like one of those long body pillows to help with sleeping on her side.

Buy a car battery and practice cradling it with your left arm for about 10 min at a time every day. Work your way up to 30 min by the ninth month. When the baby is born, you will thank me.

Get your wife involved with an expectant mothers group in your neighborhood. The post-pregnancy isolation can be really hard on moms. Having lots of mommy friends makes a huge difference on postpartum mental health.

The only thing you need to buy new for your baby is a car seat. Get everything else used or let other people buy new as gifts. Buy one or two nice baby outfits for pictures. Everything else should be as cheap as possible. Babies ruin all clothing.

Be prepared for things like colic. Just remember that most everything babies do that is very difficult to deal with will pass. Just endure and you will get through it.

Babies all develop at very different rates. Do not worry about any delays and do not get excited about being early. The worst thing that can happen to parents is having a baby that can walk too soon.

With that in mind, baby proof your house.

The first baby can take a long time to come out. They never tell you that. Ours took 18 hours. The doctor said that was normal for a first baby. Good news is that the second one shoot out pretty quickly if you want more than one.

Babies do not sleep through the night. Any baby that does is an exception. Unless you are willing to let them cry it out (and they will cry like they are dying), just be prepared for night shifts taking care of your baby for the first year or two. If you can get the baby to bottle feed with dad and get him back to sleep, it is very manageable to handle night feeding without crying it out.

Rocky Mountain High wrote:

My wife and I are due in mid March 2020. 31 and 30 years old. First time parents! I am very excited and nervous. Any advice for an expectant father either during the pregnancy or the first few months after? Thanks!

Congratulations, such an amazing time.

During the pregnancy, any help with small tasks around the house, staying engaged with how she's feeling and the emotional roller coasters that can happen from her hormones. It's all apart of the territory. Stay engaged with her check ups, any support goes a long way. Plus, it's your child too.

First few months are a whirlwind, especially those first few days back at home. A few nights I just felt so overwhelmed, but in a good way of what becoming a father was, a lot of emotions and realizations about my own life and now I am a father, it's just a bizarre change in your life. Sleep is still a bit erratic with our year and half old still, but boy, the first month was crazy. If your child sleeps well, you're blessed lol..

When it comes to running, use it as an outlet, but don't try and force anything. Respect the fatigue that is becoming a new parent.

The first few days home from the hospital you both will think you will never ever get any sleep. You will be sleep deprived like you have never experienced before. It will pass, but you have to mentally prepare for those first few looooooooong nights. Also, don't be afraid to have a pacifier and formula on hand to give your wife a break the first few nights. I remember our first night home with our daughter. My wife was exhausted, her nips killed, and she was in tears. I made a bottle with formula and the kids sucked it down and slept for an hour. My wife fell asleep, too, and when my daughter woke up 90 minutes late, I took her to a part of the house she couldn't be heard (new mothers have this spidey hearing....amazing) and gave her another bottle and let my wife sleep. Wife got like 4 hours that night but it was such a gift to her. She still talks about that 20 years later.

I have a 9 month old at home. My wife and I's first child.

Right after birth, you will receive an onslaught of people offering to help, bring you food, run errands for you, etc. TAKE UP EVERY OFFER. Especially if someone is offering to make you healthy food. I gained a lot of weight the first three months because we were too tired to cook, make lunch, etc. and ended up eating a bunch of take-out.

If your wife is breast-feeding, support her 100%. If she is feeding in the middle of the night, ask her what you can do to help. If she says nothing, go back to sleep. There is no sense in both of you being up if it isn't necessary. BUT ASK HER EVERY TIME!!

With the breast-feeding, if your wife is losing her mind with the pumping if/when she goes back to work, don't feel like a criminal if you switch over to formula. We switched at 6 months because my wife was going bonkers. Just talk to the doctor before switching. There is no sense in having a breast-fed baby if the parents are both going mad.

NAP WHEN THE BABY NAPS.

The best thing we did was Ferber Sleep Training at 7ish months. We probably could have done it at 6. We went from waking up every hour to two hours to having a baby that sleeps through the night. It sucks for a day or two but it is totally worth it. I have friends and relatives who never sleep trained their kids and they have 6 year olds who still don't sleep right.

Good luck! Enjoy it!

I have a 10 month old at home

1) First 6 weeks are survival - one day at a time - find time for yourself

2) A kid should sleep through the night at 8-10 weeks

3) Don't create dependencies for the child (rocking to sleep, etc) after the first 6 weeks - this will help with #2

4) be OK with the kid crying a bit - this will help with #2

5) Breastfeeding is the best and easiest. Support your wife and have her push through it

6) formula is for quitters - people can dance around this issue all they want. but its the truth. Just like you wont run a 2:45 marathon without some pain, you won't get through a year of b-milk without some pain. time to see how strong of a team you are.

7) get ready for all of the bull**** "are you sleeping at night"

8) Don't make excuses for yourself. There is NO reason to gain weight and minimal reason to stop running. the kid sleeps 16 hours a day.

9) step up with domestic duties (cleaning, etc)

10) establish roles and responsibilities (you wash bottles if wife pumping, you take out trash, etc).

11) force your wife to have "her" time - massage, nails, fitness, dates with friends. Step up and watch your kid for an hour or two.

Since my first kid, having one of the best fitness years of my life, finished EMBA at an ivy league school and having one of my best production years at work. Don't be a stereotype and just take this on like any other challenge. Its not that hard (and you shouldn't feel that heroic for doing it)

for the first time in the history of LRC, this thread is 100% good advice.

At the risk of ruining it, I'll add mine:

Hire a maid service to come every other week for a few months. When you sleep for 3 hours a night, the last thing you are going to want to do is clean out the microwave. Your wife will appreciate it and that is makes it well worth the cost. Its all about making your life as easy as possible for the next few months.

Source: 3 kids under 5, one is 8 weeks old.

Congratulations!

don't wish away the first parts-meaning oh if we can just get to when they sleep through the night, when they roll over, when they crawl, when they eat, when they walk, when they talk, when they stop teething... Be present and thankful for the moment your in.

When your wife starts walking around like she's trying to keep a watermelon inside her pelvis, it's getting close. When she totally loses her sense of humor, it's time to go to the hospital. Do not delay. Prepare for a long night. First kid: 18 hours. (Youngest: 20 minutes, all in one big push. My wife didn't even make it into the delivery room but instead delivered in an examination room. Scariest thing that's ever happened to me.)

Once you're home, you'll keep wondering when the parents will finally show up to take care of their child. Also, wondering where the instruction manual is hidden. Things get easier the next time around.

You will not get much emotionally rewarding interaction with your child for about 6 weeks. Basically, he's just an alien parasite that eats, poops, and ruins your life. Babies get much more interactive after 6 weeks or so. After 6 months, it can even get kind of fun.

Your baby might sleep through the night after a few weeks, or after 5 years. We've done both.

Between the birth of my first child and my return to regular running, 16 years passed. It doesn't have to be that long, but there will be challenges. Good luck.

Some of the best times of my life and yeah sleep when the baby is sleeping

Get a paternity test asap. Modern Western women are shameless thots, and you don't want to spend 18 years raising someone else's jizz load. Trust me on this.

This is the weirdest thread I have seen in a long, long while. I was about to give a thumbs up to the first response when I read the second one. Also worthy of a thumbs up. Then the third. And the fourth . . .

Pretty much all serious responses. Pretty much all good advice.

Two thumbs WAY up for everyone on this thread!

Well, except for incel runner. :-(

I've got a 13 month old. Lots of good advice above.

Dont put pressure on yourself to be perfect. The only things that really matter is keeping the baby alive: fed, changed, etc. Baby proofing can come later, they cant get into anything for a number of months anyway, but you have more time to focus on it now.

Exercise bike is the easiest workout if you'll be alone with the baby. You cant leave to go for a run, so you can exercise bike while the baby sleeps.

Also, anybody who tells you the baby wont sleep through the night needs to be ignored immediately. Yes, some babies are colicky, and that really sucks. But if you follow an age appropriate sleep training system and stick to it, it works for the vast majority of babies. Sleeping through most nights should happen by 2 or 3 months. Stick to the system! You'll be a better parent if you are getting 8 hours of sleep.

Our baby basically did 1 hour per week. So 6 hours at 6 weeks, 8 at 8 weeks, etc up to 12 weeks. This is actually pretty normal for people who follow the schedule.

I wish somebody had told me babies were nocturnal when they're born. Reverting them to getting more of their sleep at night is hugely important to working towards sleeping through the night.

You'll go through a ton of diapers initially, just accept that. They will slowly start pooping and peeing with less frequency, but larger amounts at a time and diaper changes can become less frequent.

I use reusable diapers. I bought Alva baby brand. 12 diapers cost me 90 bucks and we have used them the entire time. They leaked about the same frequency as disposables for the first 6 months or so. Now that he is bigger, they don't leak at all and poop never extrudes out of them. There are other brands that are basically identical.

We use disposables when we leave for the weekend or longer, or if somebody is babysitting him who isnt familiar with the reusables. We also use disposables at night, since they absorb 12 hours of pee better. Seriously glad we took the uncomfortable leap to try reusables. If you have laundry in your house, they're the right choice. If you dont, they would be much more inconvenient and I'd probably go with disposable.

Anybody who tells you formula is for quitters can go F themself. That attitude is a huge problem in pediatrics. Babies literally have starved to death when parents tried too hard to stick to breastfeeding. We made it an entire year without formula, but the baby being fed is so much more important. Yes, breastfeeding is natural, and if possible it's great. But you know what else is natural without modern technology? A high infant mortality rate.

Careful about how you hold your baby. You'll be holding it A Lot. Ergonomics is important. I know somebody who developed severe carpal tunnel from holding their baby awkwardly, now they struggle holding their baby from the lost grip strength.

Like others have said, this thread is full of good advice, there's a lot of good experience here. It's a rollercoaster and is amazing, even when it's crap, which it sometimes is. I'd add the following:

You get caught up in the pregnancy itself, but once she pops it's a different world and you realise pregnancy was a piece of cake in comparison. If you've got any books, films, personal projects etc. in the pipeline, do them before March because you won't be able to afterwards.

Look after your wife, but don't neglect yourself. To stay sane you need to ring-fence some personal time.

Nothing can match time with your baby/toddler/child, so don't throw yourself into your work to avoid domestic/baby hassle - you'll regret it. Immerse yourself in the whole messy business and take whatever slack work gives you.

Everyone has an opinion on breasfeeding, co-sleeping etc. Just do what works for you three, no-one else's opinion matters. Having said that, I can't describe how much I loved having ours in our bed at night, it was just right for us, there's something magical about it. But don't listen to me :)

You sound like you've got your head screwed on. Excited and nervous just about covers it. Good luck!

Enlist a support network - sitters, relatives, nanny, cleaners... and chase your PRs now.

Rocky Mountain High wrote:

My wife and I are due in mid March 2020. 31 and 30 years old. First time parents! I am very excited and nervous. Any advice for an expectant father either during the pregnancy or the first few months after? Thanks!