I live way beneath my means, and women judge me HARD for it.

Not to sound sexist, but most women date 'up' and marry 'up'. That is, they tend to be around, date, or marry men (if heterosexual, which for some is now a curse word) that make close to the same amount of money (if the men are making a bit less it is still usually close) or more. Probably an unconscious thing but it's something I've observed in most of my married friends or those dating. Probably an evolutionary thing, the mother seeking security for possible offspring? Who knows.

As to the poster who said, 'that's why I'm glad I don't live in the USA'...we feel the same about you, so whatever.

As to the original poster...bro, money is fickle and its value can change literally overnight so save, yeah, but live some too...give to charities, take some trips, splurge from time to time...

Peace

"Cheap" and "frugal" are not the same thing. You sound damaged from your experience (which is irrelevant to this thread). Good luck to you and your strong, independent, friends. I'm sure you all are and will continue to be very happy with the your lives.

I do travel. It's one of the things I do spend money on and is one of the main motivations for my financial habits. I've backpacked around Asia and Central and South America, and I've been all over the US and parts of Canada. I've been investing as much money as possible so that I will have enough to create a self-sustaining amount of wealth which allows me to travel quite a bit. I am 31 now, and if I continue the way I'm going, I will be pulling in over $40,000/year passively through my investments by the time I am 39, which I figure will be enough to allow me to travel well and do other things in life I want (I will still work as I have no desire to retire).

Something a lot of people seem to have missed in this thread is that I'm not living poorly or in a way that is unpleasant to me at all. As I said in my op, I don't care about material things, and if I did have a lot of material things I would view it as clutter. As long as I have internet, a TV for Netflix, books, running shoes, friends, and proximity to mountains, I'm pretty happy. I also rarely go out to eat as I don't really care about eating at restaurants. From what I can tell, this alone saves me a ton of money relative to most people. When I do go out, I tip well (generally more than 20% unless the service was bad). I can easily afford to do so since I rarely go out.

As for the women I've encountered, I will say I've received the most criticism from the women who were the most insecure. I had a female roommate who ended up criticizing my financial habits relentlessly even though she was flat broke, lived paycheck to paycheck, and had constant anxiety about it, while I had tens of thousands of dollars in savings and investments at the time (I was 26; she was 28). Another woman I was in a serious relationship with got very angry when she found out how much money I had as she had a ton of debt and couldn't manage money to save her life. She almost immediately dumped me when I said I wasn't going to pay off her debt for her (it was in the tens of thousands of dollars) and told her friends I was selfish even though I generally paid about 75% of the expenses in the relationship (as in 100% of mine and half of hers). Another woman I dated (single mother) broke things off when she hit me up to buy stuff for her kids (after 1 month of dating) and I declined saying I don't really feel like that's my role given they're not my kids and the dad pays a large amount of child support each month. Many women were very critical of me when I had a roommate for several years even though it was a good friend of mine who I enjoyed living with who was also gone literally 1/3 of the time. One female friend was critical of me when I bought a fuel-efficient car (I drive a lot for work) because she thought I should have gotten a truck or SUV (I never tow anything, nor does it snow much here). The list goes on and on and on. Even after I explain it to them, they still don't understand because all they can see is RIGHT NOW. It reflects very poorly on them and is discouraging to me.

Sorry I was using a linear scale. Please excuse my mistake.

And you can't rate your own stuff. It's almost as bad as OP's preaching.

Plus, lets just sit back and watch. I think there is potential.

mwh wrote:

Yep, it's one of life's great frustrations. But on the bright side, you can use wastefulness as a criteria to efficiently weed out trash in your search for a quality partner. Like tattoos, it effectively predicts most other traits you want to avoid.

Good advice and well said.

Sure2BeRejected wrote:

but live some too...give to charities, take some trips, splurge from time to time

No. Don't do that. All of those things are wasteful and they are definitely not "living."

Humbler wrote:

I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy who was “cheap”. Cheap and controlling. I gave him a big chunk of my paycheck monthly. He would spend our money on facials for himself while I’m freezing in the winter wearing a big jacket and scarf in the apartment cause he didn’t want our utility bills to go up. I’m an attractive and so there was often an interrogation about my day to make sure I didn’t meet any guys.

He wasn't frugal. He was wasteful, and he didn't have any sense.

Humbler wrote:

As for the women I've encountered, I will say I've received the most criticism from the women who were the most insecure.

The list goes on and on and on. Even after I explain it to them, they still don't understand because all they can see is RIGHT NOW. It reflects very poorly on them and is discouraging to me.

You've definitely been picking the wrong women.

In the future, focus on weeding out women like that from the start, i.e. before or during the first meeting.

And do not ever get involved with a woman like that.

You have all of this wealth and investments and live in apartment?

Do you and least own it?

Just my 2 cents wrote:

In my experience, some men are intimidated by smart, down-to-Earth, self-sufficient women.

I concur—even worse, if you add good looks in the mix. With that said, nothing worse than being with someone who is cheap/don’t spend on luxury or splurge on things even though they make ton of money. It’s one thing to be conservative in spending b/c overall you need to save but when you’re doing very well and make decent money then no reason to be stingy.

I think it all comes down to being selfless and a giving person that will make a person a good catch. This can be either male or female. Just my 4 cent advice ;)

Happily married 32 years to a guy like that. We agree: don't place value on things which have no value. Don't waste a moment of your time on materialistic women; keep looking!

I don't know what to tell you. I don't have any real advice. I can just say I understand how you feel.

I am 36. When I go on a date and they find out I have three roommates they are always surprised. You can tell they disapprove. I don't ask about their finances but I would not be surprised if I am doing better than them. I am the youngest of six children so it does not feel weird to me having to share space. I am accustomed to a full house. It wasn't until my early 20s that I had a private bedroom for the first time.

Maybe they think I am just struggling to get by. I'm not. I am saving about 15-20k per year and if I were to buy my own place I could easily come up with a 100k down deposit. I occasionally play video games but I buy three year old games on Black Friday for $10-$20. I do not own a car and metro to work. My only real vice is that I enjoy going out often. Drinks are about $7-$8 in the city. I casually keep my eye on real estate prices and may buy my own place within the next year but it is very frustrating, and even embarrassing even though I should not be, when women look down on me for saving.

I see it in terms of rejection re: educational levels. I have heard anecdotally women with PhD and MA degrees have a harder time finding dates--not because of their faults--but because the guys they want are all less-educated than them or the guys that are more educated than them have other bad characteristics, or there are not enough socially smart guys with big degrees.

I think most guys are ok with a woman if she makes more than him by a little bit but not too much. If you are making 60k a year and wife makes 65k a year or even 70k a year that's not a big deal. But if you are making 60k a year and wife is making 200k or 120k a year it can still work but it's awkward and it shows the woman has more power than the man in the relationship in a lot of ways. Even if both parties are ok with it it still probably feels awkward socially and in parties and conversations.

I read a story where women executives were interviewed about making more than their husbands and the husbands declined to be interviewed for the story, plus the women underreported what they actually made.

People always like to blame others for their dating issues. Guys aren't intimidated by smart, down to earth woman. They just aren't interested in ugly chicks, with inflated egos, and abrasive personalities. And it isn't lack of money that cause the OP problems. It is his lack of personality. Probably spends the whole date talking about how cheap he is because he is saving so much money. Nobody wants to hear that.

People living in Vans have girlfriends. You might just not want to date the people that make that choice.

It's hard to understand how you have encountered so many woman in your life who were so critical of you and demanding of gifts from you. This has not been my experience at all with woman. Most have been quite nice. So one of these must be occuring:

(1) You attract or are attracted to loser females.

(2) Most females are losers, but I have been lucky to have had mostly good experiences.

Or

(3) You are trolling.

If it's (1) you must be a loser to attract such losers. (2) just isn't true and (3) is looking more likely.

I will add... wrote:

nothing worse than being with someone who is cheap/don’t spend on luxury or splurge on things even though they make ton of money.

X-Runner wrote:

You have all of this wealth and investments and live in apartment?

Do you and least own it?

If you knew anything about personal finance and investing you would not be surprised. Educate yourself before chiming in.

Women place way too much importance on formal academic credentials. It's actually becoming a major problem in US society as many women spend 6 years getting a PhD in something that won't pay off whatsoever just so they can call themselves doctor. Meanwhile, guys see that it makes no economic sense and get a real job instead. I was making more at age 26 with only bachelor's degrees than the average post-doc makes in the US, and a lot (most?) PhDs don't lead to anything at all. I have a cousin who has a PhD in education and works as a real-estate agent. Whoopity doo. I could list half a dozen other exampled just like this. The PhD women I've dated have all gotten angry and insecure once they found out I'm smarter than them and don't care about formal academic credentials. They have a bit of an existential crisis when they find out formal academic credentials do not equal IQ and that some people don't care they wasted 6 years of their life to write a paper no one will ever read. It's like telling a hard-core Christian their religion isn't real using well-reasoned arguments. They just can't handle it and go berzerk.

I say all this but also want to make clear there are SOME very intelligent women in academia who are impressive and doing good work. They are very much the exception though.

kevin3681 wrote:

You are very smart for doing this. Albert Einstein said that compounding interest is one of the wonders of the world. The problem that I have learned through personal experience and from watching what my friends have gone through is that most American women are spoiled brats and are materialistic. They care more about how nice their car is or your car than they do about saving for the future. They want nicer clothes, house, shoes, car, furniture, deck, swimming pool, apartment, condo, hand bag, it goes on forever. Their stuff and your stuff have to be better than their friends' or neighbors' stuff. When you meet a girl someplace, you basically have to give them your resume before they decide if it's worth their time to talk to you. I could go on, but that is the base root of it.

Australian women are the same way