If "nipping off to the cafeteria" for lunch becomes an excuse to sprint there and back again,
If you sweat and get excited when remembering track races before you fall asleep,
If the only way you go from the bottom floor to the top is by running up the stairs,
If you fervently wish that someone would make "Once a Runner" into a movie,
If you snort and make jokes when i-joggers run past...it's even better when two of them are running together,
If you feel like committing suicide when banished to the indoor elliptical machine for an injury,
If you make fun of all the "gym rodents" who run inside,
If you can outlast football players in the cold whirlpool,
If you have fantasies about kicking other people and hearing their bones break,
If your idea of dinner contains barbarically large proportions of food,
If you eat more than an obese person,