How big is the house she owns? How's the lot it's on?
Take your down payment money and build an in-law apartment and update the house. Now your babysitters are on premises.
Two birds. One stone.
How big is the house she owns? How's the lot it's on?
Take your down payment money and build an in-law apartment and update the house. Now your babysitters are on premises.
Two birds. One stone.
1st world problems wrote:
I always cringe when I see them blow it on material things. I was brought up to be frugal and save.
What the hell else are they going to spend extra money on other than material things?
You're saving for your future.
Their future is here. Time to spend.
Think of it as a tax.
It's the same as the SS taken form your paycheck that goes to old strangers.
You can't say what they spend it on.
Drainthefecesswamp wrote:
Precious Roy wrote:
Keep the grandparents happy. The free child care is more than worth $500-600 a month.
This I agree with. Your in laws are probably not just cheaper, but better babysitters than a professional, since they'll love your children in a way a professional never can. Bonus points if they're teaching your children their native language, there is no downside and only upsides.
It sounds like you agreed to everything before you were married, so you cant really change it now unless you've experienced a recent hardship, etc.
Your in laws appear to live a modest life, so it doesnt seem like they're wasting the money, they're living more frugally than the vast majority in your area.
Your wife values family. That is a positive. It sounds like you both ended up with a good person for a partner willing to make family a priority. I'd reflect on that and maintain the status quo.
If you're stressed on money or just looking to save up to retire early, take vacations, etc find other ways to cut expenses. It may or may not apply to you, but most people have lots of easy excess to cut. Housing is the largest expense for most, so look there first. You may be able to downsize significantly if you're willing to move. Failing that, restaurants, alcohol, cars, and vacations are common places that it is easy to cut expenses.
Vacations on a low budget will be just as rewarding as long as you're not a full service cruise type of person. Rv rentals, camping are cheaper than VRBO or hotels. Eating at home is cheaper than eating at restaurants. Do your in laws know how to cook interesting ethnic foods?
Clearly the in-laws are not close enough to provide day care. The OP is in an area with million dollar homes. The in-laws are paying $900 a month rent. Either it’s the world’s crappiest house or it’s far away.
“We max retirement accounts (401k, backdoor Roth IRA). We have a joint account and take home about $11,000 per month after taxes, insurance, 401k contributions.“
1st world: You don’t seem to be making enough money to need to back door a Roth. Unless you’ve both got Roth 401ks at work, which I suspect you would have mentioned since you were so specific about the back door Roths. I’m going to guess you’re a single troll and weren’t aware how much higher the limits are for us married people. Not that going back door is difficult or anything, but the front door is often a much more attractive entry.
1st world problems wrote:
Thank you for your advice. Yes we make about 200k pre-tax combined, maybe closer to 220k or 230k after holiday pay and over time. My wife actually makes a little more than me so I guess I have nothing to complain about. Unfortunately put jobs are region specific (Boston area) which is why housing prices are out of control. These 800k homes were 600k just 3 years ago and there is no sign of slowing down. Maybe we'll get lucky and find something in the 700k range.
Yes you can say I got sucked into marrying her parents, but my wife supported them the same amount before we were married too.
Don't underestimate how good this makes your wife feel. I have a similar story, parents worked hard and sacrificed their whole lives. One of the best feelings in the world for me is to say something like "you want to go on vacation? pack your bags, I'll take care of the rest". The things I have to sacrifice to offset that expense pale in comparison to the things they went without when I was a kid. Not only do I pay it, I'm happy to.
Like other said, move out of Boston and buy a cheaper house.
To answer some questions, the in-laws live about 45min away without traffic and the house is a good size but too far for our commute. It's also in a bad school district (rated 1/10). Boston has the nation's worst traffic and it would be a 90+ commute each way for us.
My wife makes about 10k more than me, so I guess I'm technically a trophy husband.
The grandparents do not help with child care. They are old and geriatric, they have arthritis and struggle to go up and down stairs. Our 1 year old is like a wild animal, running and climbing all over the place. They can watch him for 30min or so but not a whole day. We pay a nanny twice a week, could be worse I guess.
1st world problems wrote:
They are old and geriatric, they have arthritis and struggle to go up and down stairs.
Then what material things are these old, geriatric people blowing your money on?
Bingo?
Back Door Man wrote:
“We max retirement accounts (401k, backdoor Roth IRA). We have a joint account and take home about $11,000 per month after taxes, insurance, 401k contributions.“
1st world: You don’t seem to be making enough money to need to back door a Roth. Unless you’ve both got Roth 401ks at work, which I suspect you would have mentioned since you were so specific about the back door Roths. I’m going to guess you’re a single troll and weren’t aware how much higher the limits are for us married people. Not that going back door is difficult or anything, but the front door is often a much more attractive entry.
Not trolling. I don't have my tax return with me but we've above the married filing jointly income limit for a couple years now. It was around 180k when we were first married, I know it's higher now but we are still above it. I didn't account for holiday pay and overtime when I said take home is 11k per month. I should have said 11k every two weeks since there are 26 pay periods per year so that's 2 extra paychecks.
To answer some other questions I missed, her two sisters do contribute as well though we contribute the most cause we make more. One helps with the vehicles, another pays the insurance each year. We all pick up the tab if we eat out, go on trips etc.
The in-laws do not have a retirement or pension but qualify for social security. If they go back to their home country, they would be well off but who knows if they want to.
They do cook good ethnic food and I do appreciate that our kids will be bilingual.
1st world problems wrote:
Back Door Man wrote:
“We max retirement accounts (401k, backdoor Roth IRA). We have a joint account and take home about $11,000 per month after taxes, insurance, 401k contributions.“
1st world: You don’t seem to be making enough money to need to back door a Roth. Unless you’ve both got Roth 401ks at work, which I suspect you would have mentioned since you were so specific about the back door Roths. I’m going to guess you’re a single troll and weren’t aware how much higher the limits are for us married people. Not that going back door is difficult or anything, but the front door is often a much more attractive entry.
Not trolling. I don't have my tax return with me but we've above the married filing jointly income limit for a couple years now. It was around 180k when we were first married, I know it's higher now but we are still above it. I didn't account for holiday pay and overtime when I said take home is 11k per month. I should have said 11k every two weeks since there are 26 pay periods per year so that's 2 extra paychecks.
To answer some other questions I missed, her two sisters do contribute as well though we contribute the most cause we make more. One helps with the vehicles, another pays the insurance each year. We all pick up the tab if we eat out, go on trips etc.
The in-laws do not have a retirement or pension but qualify for social security. If they go back to their home country, they would be well off but who knows if they want to.
They do cook good ethnic food and I do appreciate that our kids will be bilingual.
Hey 1st World Problem
i'm confused why you think he was a troll. They have 401ks thru work and make more than the limit for Roth contributions. They can still contribute to a standard IRA but its not deductible. While not a terrible investment you can probably do better with that money in the market. I'm not too far from this. We make about 50% more and have 401ks, 403bs, roth, IRAs, UTMA, 529s, etc. why did you think he was a troll?
not in NE wrote:
i lived in boston thru the last downturn and housing prices stabilized for a bit then kept going up.
good luck
Stabilized for a bit? They cratered
Surprise! wrote:
not in NE wrote:
i lived in boston thru the last downturn and housing prices stabilized for a bit then kept going up.
good luck
Stabilized for a bit? They cratered
The 2008 housing crash didn't have any effect on housing prices here, they went flat but did not go down like in other parts of the country. There may be a slowdown but prices are still going up with no end in sight. There truly is a housing shortage here, just no more land to build on. More people are moving here for jobs.
Not only should you not say anything for the sake of your marriage, but you really have no basis for saying anything.
First off, it is her money too and she should have some discretion on how to spend about $6,000 of the $120k or so that she makes.
Second, this was the deal that you walked in to.
Third, they are family (and not just family, but parents!) for heaven's sake, and it sounds like they actually need the money.
Fourth, it doesn't sound like they need the money because of their own wasteful nature, but rather because they were behind the 8 ball and had to float across the Caribbean on an old Chevy on pontoons. In fact, it sounds like they took great risk and make some real sacrifices in order to better the lives of their future family.
Finally, even if you disagree with everything I said, it sounds like this is a short-to-medium term problem and not a long term problem. Not worth the fight, especially since most think you are on the wrong side of the fight.
You are a selfish prick. I hope your wife divorces you and finds a real man.
i'm confused wrote:
1st world problems wrote:
Not trolling. I don't have my tax return with me but we've above the married filing jointly income limit for a couple years now. It was around 180k when we were first married, I know it's higher now but we are still above it. I didn't account for holiday pay and overtime when I said take home is 11k per month. I should have said 11k every two weeks since there are 26 pay periods per year so that's 2 extra paychecks.
To answer some other questions I missed, her two sisters do contribute as well though we contribute the most cause we make more. One helps with the vehicles, another pays the insurance each year. We all pick up the tab if we eat out, go on trips etc.
The in-laws do not have a retirement or pension but qualify for social security. If they go back to their home country, they would be well off but who knows if they want to.
They do cook good ethnic food and I do appreciate that our kids will be bilingual.
Hey 1st World Problem
i'm confused why you think he was a troll. They have 401ks thru work and make more than the limit for Roth contributions. They can still contribute to a standard IRA but its not deductible. While not a terrible investment you can probably do better with that money in the market. I'm not too far from this. We make about 50% more and have 401ks, 403bs, roth, IRAs, UTMA, 529s, etc. why did you think he was a troll?
Yes, what the Back Door Man wrote doesn't make sense. He said married people have higher limits but that is obviously not true.
Roth IRA income limits for 2019:
Single 122k
Married 193k
Smoove wrote:
Not only should you not say anything for the sake of your marriage, but you really have no basis for saying anything.
First off, it is her money too and she should have some discretion on how to spend about $6,000 of the $120k or so that she makes.
Second, this was the deal that you walked in to.
Third, they are family (and not just family, but parents!) for heaven's sake, and it sounds like they actually need the money.
Fourth, it doesn't sound like they need the money because of their own wasteful nature, but rather because they were behind the 8 ball and had to float across the Caribbean on an old Chevy on pontoons. In fact, it sounds like they took great risk and make some real sacrifices in order to better the lives of their future family.
Finally, even if you disagree with everything I said, it sounds like this is a short-to-medium term problem and not a long term problem. Not worth the fight, especially since most think you are on the wrong side of the fight.
Thank you all for your advice.
1st world problems wrote:
Smoove wrote:
Not only should you not say anything for the sake of your marriage, but you really have no basis for saying anything.
First off, it is her money too and she should have some discretion on how to spend about $6,000 of the $120k or so that she makes.
Second, this was the deal that you walked in to.
Third, they are family (and not just family, but parents!) for heaven's sake, and it sounds like they actually need the money.
Fourth, it doesn't sound like they need the money because of their own wasteful nature, but rather because they were behind the 8 ball and had to float across the Caribbean on an old Chevy on pontoons. In fact, it sounds like they took great risk and make some real sacrifices in order to better the lives of their future family.
Finally, even if you disagree with everything I said, it sounds like this is a short-to-medium term problem and not a long term problem. Not worth the fight, especially since most think you are on the wrong side of the fight.
Thank you all for your advice.
War refugees from where? This is important.
selfish wrote:
You are a selfish prick. I hope your wife divorces you and finds a real man.
No doubt she will, eventually. She sounds like a strong, intelligent woman. Women like that do not put up with losers like the OP for long.
There are cultures where children, especially adult daughters, are expected to help the parents. Your wife will not stop supporting them, but now everything is out in the open. You knew about the arrangement before you married her. Nothing good will come of putting her in the difficult position of having to make choices between keeping you happy and the obligation she feels to her parents.
Leave well enough alone.
Just be glad you're not all living in one house together.
I don't understand why you think you are incapable of buying a million dollar home. Do I not understand math? With the down payment you have saved up and the amount you make per year unless your credit is abysmal you should for sure be able to afford a million dollar house. How much do you currently pay in rent?
Also, LMAO at complaining about giving like $300 a month to your in-laws when you are rich. Get some perspective dude.