English teachers of letsrun... what grade would you give this paper?

I'm a history teacher. I think your writing is actually pretty good, but I agree with the comments about the imbalanced amount of summary over analysis.

I won't comment on what grade "I think you will get" with zero knowledge of the context of this essay. You didn't even provide the prompt. I have no idea what you have studied in that class, what the assignment asked, or what the expectations are for the analysis you are doing. Your arrogance shines through in your post, so I guess you've got the "show don't tell" talent going for you.

The other reason I won't grade your paper is that the act of you asking a bunch of strangers to tell you what we think you should earn smacks of a corrosive form of entitlement. What you are basically saying is, "I'm going to try to undermine my own teacher by asking other teachers, out of context, what they think of this paper. Then, I'll feel more justified in complaining that my own teacher is holding me to a high standard that I think is unfair."

Lastly, your tag name "pissed off senior" pisses me off a little. You are already upset about a grade you have not even received? As if you know exactly how your teacher is going to assess your essay and are justified in critiquing that assessment before the fact? This lawyerly approach to grading is annoying to teachers and a sign of insincerity on your part. I hope you can can go to college and grow up a little and figure out why learning matters to you.

Don't you kids do paragraphs anymore? I stopped reading after about 5 sentences because my eyes hurt. ?

Is this a book report or are you trying to make a point?

grammar police running advice wrote:

Basically, it's fine for a high school essay. You did what you were supposed to do. The result is still painful to read. Aim higher.

Plus use the freaking return key to make paragraphs.

I think this guy is not in high school; he's in grade school, no higher than 6th grade.

C- at best.

Paragraphs are your friend.

This is a fantastic post. Mostly because of the responses from all of these college English teachers. Dude. Get over yourself. You teach college English. Probably the only job available to you with your degree. I’m sure you love putting down a high school kid, but odds are he will make more money than you in like 7 years.

You use language to understand the world around you. Literally. Try looking at your wall and experiencing the sensory stimuli being sent to your brain from your eyes WITHOUT labeling it with words.

I think we should all aim higher with our use of the language that we use to construct our worlds.

P.S. Like others have said, OP can benefit from being more concise. Your first sentence should tell me what I'm reading about. At the AP/collegiate level, you should not be worrying about a "hook" because your ideas/arguments/claims along with novel use of language should be the compelling factor.

^^^

Secondary Ed and English major graduating in the fall

Thesis works, but it isn't anything original or nuanced. Cut the flowery BS and don't let yourself get sucked into writing softball thesis when you don't have to. Save the surface thesis responses for the AP test where you'll have to focus your time.

Also, maybe instead of looking for random strangers on the internet's opinions on your paper, take the time to do something other than the requisite 5-paragraph style that has been so stuffed down y'alls throats.

I predict a B plus

0/10

If your teacher told you to write like this, great. If not, your screwed.

I'd give it a C+, maybe a B- at best. There are grammatical errors throughout, you are far too wordy, and the thesis is painfully obvious. It would have been nice to read an interesting argument with some deeper analysis instead of a simple rehash of the book.

won't read it wrote:

Paragraphs are your friend.

Isn't that a quote from a famous HS principal back in the 80s? ?

Bump. I’m pretty sure I got a D or C- on this paper lol. Jokes on my teacher because I got a 5 on the AP Lit exam so I don’t have to take college English! Now I can focus on real classes for my bio major!

op from afar wrote:

Bump. I’m pretty sure I got a D or C- on this paper lol. Jokes on my teacher because I got a 5 on the AP Lit exam so I don’t have to take college English! Now I can focus on real classes for my bio major!

That's too bad. A good comp course could help you quite a bit. You'll have to keep trying to improve your writing on your own, then, because every conceivable line of work you might go into is going to require effective writing in some form.

op from afar wrote:

Bump. I’m pretty sure I got a D or C- on this paper lol. Jokes on my teacher because I got a 5 on the AP Lit exam so I don’t have to take college English! Now I can focus on real classes for my bio major!

same boat mate. Failed last semester despite 5s on practice tests and 36s on reading and English. Joke will be on her....

I only read some.

It depends what this hard grader's rubric says. He will use those criteria, independent of how you think he should judge it qualitatively. "Concision - 7/10, ..."

This could have more professional ideas.

Also, get over yourself. There will always be people smarter than you, taller than you, better-looking than you, better connected than you, richer than you, healthier than you, ...

Be happy you have what you have, and realize your job often has to do with pleasing people above and below you, irrespective of what you think is right. An extra dose of gratitude to someone who did something for you, even if you are smarter than them or see a way in which they could improve, will help you a lot in your career. Social skills to deal with all types, even if you dislike them, will take you farther than intelligence in most contexts in life.

Echoing that you need to tell us what the assignment and expectations were before anyone can grade it. As a piece of high school writing, I think it's pretty good, but I'm not an English teacher.

(congrats on the 5!)