Trying to plan a trip. Girlfriend is making it 100X more difficult than necessary.

I always thought that the test for couples is to go on a two week trip, preferably to a foreign country where you have to exchange currency. You'll know if you are compatible then.

You sound like you love your girlfriend. Love is blind. Your girlfriend IS stupid.

How long have you been with your gf? This doesn’t make any sense.

Sounds like she doesn't want to go

Agree.

Timing wrote:

How long have you been with your gf? This doesn’t make any sense.

About 8 months.

And she does want to go on the trip. She's been more excited about it than me. Also, I said the same thing during our fight, that it sounds like she doesn't want to go, so I guess we should cancel it, and she was adamant that she did want to go.

I'm still not feeling very good about the whole thing. I admit I have been feeling like I'm in relationship with someone who isn't all there, though, like I said, she's actually very smart most of the time. She says she panicked, and it's understandable that people don't think clearly when they panic, but it baffles me how something as simple as booking a flight could cause someone to short-circuit so badly.

Out of curiosity, was the flight issue because she has a preferred airline where she gets points and wanted to go on that one?

(married 19 yrs; 2 yr dating before that)

I found out, through trial-and-error with a few minor bumps, regarding trip planning with my wife (a white-collar professional):

she prefers me to do most of the planning; she might just throw out a destination, type of trip, or date range

my asking broadly, and first-round planning, what she wants/how do you want it to go does not work. I need to present it in a more paint-by-numbers, do you want option A-B-C-D? format for her to participate/buy in. Had to learn her likes/non-starters/negotiables over years, but can now tune in pretty closely. No major blowups/crises early on, thank goodness.

OP-- not sure how much more of your trip is already planned, but talk about what exactly is worrying her, what she wants from the trip, how does she want to be involved in the planning. As some have hinted, your travel styles (and other things) might not be compatible, but it might just be communication and feedback to iron things out.

Now you know for next time, you book the flight yourself and tell her what you did.

I'm maried like 6 years. We travel a lot.

When we travel I will tell my wife "we are leving house at 8am, you need passport". And that's pretty much all she knows. Because I take care of everything travel related. On the other hand she has to pack/unpack everything. Including personal stuyff like my contact lenses etc.

You can see marriage as thing where every decision is approved by 2 people. Or a thing, where you decide only half the stuff.

Don't worry about. You haven't been together that long and she is probably just nervous. Maybe she had a bad traveling experience with an ex.

Like a few posters have said there is no reason to have both people involved with all the planning details.

Decide on where and when you want to go. One person makes the travel arrangements that fit that criteria. Then inform the other of the details.

Sometimes anxiety or frustration is not caused by the thing, it's because of some other, not-so obvious or immediate thing. Talk to her about it like a grown up.

Take the 'A' train/Corvette/QE2 instead.

It is pretty straightforward wrote:

Now you know for next time, you book the flight yourself and tell her what you did.

^This^

Sounds like she found herself in a situation where she had to make a choice or two and possibly live to see the consequences of those choices.

That's when you get a reaction like this.

You have to do the planning and booking yourself, absolving her of any criticism if the trip should be anything less than perfect.

That's your role. Her role is to tag along and try to have fun, and let you know if things fell short of her expectations.

She wants to go on the trip but realizes this is something she can't really afford. You are going to end up paying for most everything.

You feel like you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t there? 8 months is a long time to be in a luke warm relationship, imo. The first several months tend to be the most passionate. Perhaps you’ve been in an 8 month on and off relationship. In that case, the trip doesn’t sound like a wise choice.

Your GF is overwhelmed by too many variables and too many choices. She probably hasn't prioritized the variables (or can't just seeing them for the first time).

I make travel simple for my wife.

-What date do you want to fly?

-Is a __:00 AM flight okay?

- If no, is it too early? Too late?

That's it. No need to give a dozen options with minor price or delay differences.

I try direct flights first. I try to avoid the last flight of the day, just in case the flight gets canceled. I book with an airline that allows me to cancel up until the day before.

Oh, and why in the world would you even consider a flight with a layover? Way too much potential for problems.

One more thing. I NEVER check bags on the way out. On the way back, maybe, but never going out. If it can't fit in a carry-on bag, it doesn't get taken.

Let her pack and pick the destination, nothing more. She can handle the passports if needed to.

You do the rest. Just make sure the departing flight isn’t too early as women are NEVER on time. If you have to be at the airport at 9 am, tell her you need to be there at 7 am as that getting to the airport late concept is my biggest stressor when traveling with the gf/wife/boss’s daughter, etc...