Breakup with GF or keep running?

1. Break up with your girlfriend. She an ahole for giving you this ultimatum and will keep giving you more of them if you bend over.

2. Wind down your running career, get a job, then get a different girlfriend. No upside to being a semi pro runner.

Breakup with your gf, I'm bored.

If your girlfriend cuts off sex in order to manipulate or punish you then you should dump her and never look back. She's going to do this anytime she gets upset with you. This is a clear warning sign PNSO (Post-nuptial shutoff) assuming you suffer this hag long enough to get married.

PooPooGarbo wrote:

I have a gf that I have dated for 2 years and things have gone well. However, I am a semi-pro runner who has aspirations to be able to go pro one day and support myself through running. Throughout the 2 years of us dating everything has been great, lots of fun dates, laughter, and sex. However, over the last 6 months, I have ramped up my training and have become obsessed with running. She has distanced herself emotionally from me and cut off sex. When I ask her why she says I care about running more than her. And has given me an ultimatum, either choose running or choose her. She is giving me 1 week to decide.

I know this is kinda vague info, but does anyone have any advice or experience with this type of situation?

I cannot make an informed recommendation without pics

Clomps wrote:

Breakup, but not for running.

Her ultimatum is a very poor indicator for how she will treat disagreements for the rest of your relationship. A hard talk between the two of you is the right answer, but if she is really non negotiable then do you really want to plan a life with this person? What happens when you disagree about children/pets/in-laws/marriage etc?

Great point. I totally agree with this.

The relationship is probably not worth saving.

In fact, I've never had a girlfriend who tried to do that to me.

If she’s giving you an ultimatum like this, she seems like a very controllig woman. “Either give me attention or I cut off sex”. I feel like even if you do what she says and stop running, the relationship won’t be the same afterwards. I think you should just dump her and find an athletic girl who’s less clingy and will actually understand your passion for your sport/job.

Reminds me of that movie Whiplash where the drummer broke up with his girl so that he could spend more time practicing.

Clomps wrote:

Breakup, but not for running.

Her ultimatum is a very poor indicator for how she will treat disagreements for the rest of your relationship. A hard talk between the two of you is the right answer, but if she is really non negotiable then do you really want to plan a life with this person? What happens when you disagree about children/pets/in-laws/marriage etc?

Does semi pro mean you only earn half as much as she does? And she's tired of carrying your sorry butt?

An ultimatum over running is over the top. If you’re canceling on her all the time for training, she has good reason to feel burned, but if you’re doing that already just break up with her because clearly she’s not important enough to you to figure out how to fit her and running in your life.

You don’t have date or marry someone who is as into on running as you, but at least pick someone who has a hobby or some activity they’re passionate about so you can have your mutual understanding. They can have their chunk of time for their thing and you have your time for running.

Dump her now. No matter how hot she is, some guy somewhere is tired of her $&@“

I know the tendency on LRC is to bag on the woman in these kinds of threads because the OP is usually male and tells his side of the story. If you’re working a day job and spending every spare minute running or obsessing about running, then I can see why your GF would react the way she would. Who would want to be in a long-term relationship where your partner views and treats you as a (distant) secondary priority - perhaps as just someone to have sex with when he’s not running - and then wants to treat you as even less of a priority in the future?

You should break up with your girlfriend if you want to pursue your dream with obsessive focus but you should do it because that’s only fair to her. If you give up your dream for her, you’ll probably just resent her and that won’t do either of you any good. Life is full of hard choices. Just be prepared to live with this one if your dream of being a pro runner doesn’t work out and you realize she was the one.

try this? wrote:

1. Break up with your girlfriend. She an ahole for giving you this ultimatum and will keep giving you more of them if you bend over.

2. Wind down your running career, get a job, then get a different girlfriend. No upside to being a semi pro runner.

+1

Women are all the same. She is not socialized properly to try this controlling nonsense.

There is essentially one kind of setup and relationship, if you want one, that works as an adult. The standard finance guy who does sports on the side and schoolteacher wife, socially integrated.

Work hard while you have the opportunity to reach one of the good offers everyone else is competing for.

I wonder what the LRC ladies have to say about this? Would you give ultimatums like the Ops girlfriend, or do you know of friends who have?

OP, my suggestion to you is don't be hasty. If you have put time into a relationship, at least try to understand if there are other underlying reasons for it to falter. Either way you will be a better person for the knowledge gained.

Have you attempted to have a serious discussion with your girlfriend? Calling it quits without trying to find a balance is taking the easy way out.

PooPooGarbo wrote:

I have ramped up my training and have become obsessed with running. She has distanced herself emotionally from me and cut off sex.

Don't you think it's the other way round? She does.

A real-live woman here!!

"Semi-pro" seems like a pretty subjective term and so does “obsessed” so its hard to really understand the severity of the situation... How much time is OP spending training vs. how much time with GF? Do you live together?

Ultimatums seem harsh, but you have been dating for a significant amount of time. If she feels like you aren't going to be there to support her emotionally when she needs you she might feel like the relationship is over already.... hence the ultimatum.

If I felt like I was becoming less important to someone and they were not respecting my emotional needs I might just flat out not feel like having sex with that person anymore.

Relationships are give and take and if you can’t find ways to show her that you still care about her in addition to training seriously that is something you need to work on.

This is how you end becoming Jamin

OP here,

Sorry, I was in a hurry when I typed my original post so did not have much time, so hopefully, I can give more details. I consider myself semi-pro because I get some free gear, races paid for, and make a decent chunk of change in prize money. Certainly not enough to live off of, but a substantial amount. By obsessed, I mean that I spend at least 20 hours a week running and working out, but it has become a lifestyle for me. My diet revolves around running, my work schedule is structured around running, I talk about running. I just love this sport and want to see what my body is capable of.

But yes, to answer other posters, I do love my girlfriend as well. We have been living with each other for the second half of our relationship and I was definitely considering marriage until this point. She has always been so supportive of my passions until now. She went home to spend time with her family and will be back in a couple days, so I still have time to think things over... Not sure if my heart is big enough to love more than one thing at once.

Thanks for the advice everyone

If you're even considering both options, I think you have your answer. I would give up anything for my wife, but on the other hand she would never give me an ultimatum like that.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you make it to Tokyo in 2020 - be sure to bump this thread as you continue to improve.

PooPooGarbo wrote:

I have a gf that I have dated for 2 years and things have gone well. However, I am a semi-pro runner who has aspirations to be able to go pro one day and support myself through running. Throughout the 2 years of us dating everything has been great, lots of fun dates, laughter, and sex. However, over the last 6 months, I have ramped up my training and have become obsessed with running. She has distanced herself emotionally from me and cut off sex. When I ask her why she says I care about running more than her. And has given me an ultimatum, either choose running or choose her. She is giving me 1 week to decide.

I know this is kinda vague info, but does anyone have any advice or experience with this type of situation?

All joking aside, the situation sounds rough.

If you're at that level, you were clearly running a lot when you began dating. Relationships like some noted are a lot of give and take, but if this is all 100% accurate, I'd seriously consider if this is the ideal situation for yourself, running and relationship wise. IF there is a true imbalance of your life outside of running, you are most likely better off single for the time being focusing on that goal until you are comfortable with your overall position in life. Are you 34 or 24? Big difference with the reality of what your chances are.

Outside of our LRC and running community bubble, to a non runner, going out for a 5 mile run at sunrise is bizarre, but to a lot of us here, that's just a normal day or even a warm up for some. If your spouse/gf/whatever doesn't run, then your 90 mpw is absolutely insane.

Go with what makes you happy in life, with no worries of what the outcome might be. Wanting to continue pursuing that goal surely won't come with her support. Keep that in mind.

im a lady- I doubt she even marginally understands what it's like to be putting in the kind of work you have to in order to run your times. She might see you eating right, going for runs and working on core ect, but I would say that unless she's poured her heart, soul and time into a goal she has, she just doesn't "get it" and just thinks your prioritizing running over her. So, like the other lady said, she's disconnecting to protect herself and that's probably why the no sex thing has happened. If she's not feeling an emotional connection, why would she want to be intimate?

That being said, you are talented and working towards a big goal. She needs to try harder to understand that if you don't train the way you do, your goal is likely not attainable. It's a season of life and she should be willing to work through it with you and cheer you on as you go for your goals. (I assume) You would do the same for her if she was immersed in pursuing her dream job or passion. If it were me, Id choose running.