Had a big blowup with my girlfriend. Would like some input.

Bro,

At least you are aware enough to know there is a problem.

End it NOW and focus on improving yourself, otherwise you will find another girl and the SAME issue will keep appearing. Sorry, but you are to blame for letting this happen to you. Her fault as well. Move on and better yourself.

If she’s meant to be a part of you, you guys will find each other in the future without having to work at it.

And apologies to any “counselors” but nobody needs that. Work on yourself and good things happen.

Cheers!

You're already walking on eggshells - and she's a classic narcissist; so you're enabling that behavior as well.

Simple advice: there are other fish in the sea - it's time to cut bait, and sail away.

Oh - and think of your own feelings more; girls prey on guys who want to please them...

People actually read all of that?

dunes runner wrote:

People actually read all of that?

LOL..skimmed.

Same old stuff though - "I really like this girl...blah blah blah....but she's treating me or doing something that I can't stand....blah blah blah....can't talk her about it because she gets mad....blah blah blah...what's your advice?"

I think there's about 4-5 threads this week with this same story. Not exact, just same kind of situation.

Troll perhaps.

pics?

"Would like some input." That's what she said.

GTFO right friggin' NOW. It will not get better.....

Does she do any sort of routine physical activity? That may bring the extreme emotional state to a lesser level. You seem reasonable, try to explain that you do not have malicious intent and that it's not really fair to you for her to act excessively crazy. I believe all people are crazy, some in better or worse ways.

Wadster wrote:

You're already walking on eggshells - and she's a classic narcissist; so you're enabling that behavior as well.

Simple advice: there are other fish in the sea - it's time to cut bait, and sail away.

Oh - and think of your own feelings more; girls prey on guys who want to please them...

This is the answer. My ex was like this woman, but a more reliable employee. I had no issues voicing concern over issues I had with her behavior (legit things, not BS stuff) and she turned each one into a make or break event. Look up narcissistic personality disorder and educate yourself, this girl is textbook.

I broke up with my NPD ex and haven’t looked back. Her immature behavior since (we work together) has only reinforced my belief that breaking up was the right idea.

Thisguygetsit wrote:

Wadster wrote:

You're already walking on eggshells - and she's a classic narcissist; so you're enabling that behavior as well.

Simple advice: there are other fish in the sea - it's time to cut bait, and sail away.

Oh - and think of your own feelings more; girls prey on guys who want to please them...

This is the answer. My ex was like this woman, but a more reliable employee. I had no issues voicing concern over issues I had with her behavior (legit things, not BS stuff) and she turned each one into a make or break event. Look up narcissistic personality disorder and educate yourself, this girl is textbook.

I broke up with my NPD ex and haven’t looked back. Her immature behavior since (we work together) has only reinforced my belief that breaking up was the right idea.

I'm familiar with NPD. My girlfriend is very, very insecure, but she is not NPD. She has low self-esteem and a relatively small ego (she does not really ever brag about herself in any way), but her insecurity and low-self esteem makes her take criticism very, very hard and personally.

I am trying to find a way forward but am struggling. If someone won't even answer yes or no questions and responds to questions and explanations with "You're playing mind games," "You're being abnormal," "You're the one with the problem," "You're trying to gaslight me," etc, there's not really any way to make progress. I feel like she's not even attempting to cooperate.

Wadster wrote:

You're already walking on eggshells - and she's a classic narcissist; so you're enabling that behavior as well.

Simple advice: there are other fish in the sea - it's time to cut bait, and sail away.

Oh - and think of your own feelings more; girls prey on guys who want to please them...

What he said^^^ Don't just walk away, RUN!!!

I finally read the OP's rambling paragraphs.

Your question was stupid. I would have said, "What do you think? Are you??."

By asking questions like that, you are suggesting there is something wrong with her behavior and with her.

Start respecting and appreciating your GF, and stop asking stupid questions like that.

It would have been okay to say "You are responsible for your actions," provided you had a good reason.

But you need to tread lightly, because you apparently have no clue of how offensive you are when you say things.

She was right. You were purposely blaming her, and telling her that how you felt was her fault.

STOP doing that.

Since you're posting on Letsrun, it is pretty safe to assume that you're a runner. That is the answer. Run. Run. Run away.

Mad drama. Mad drama.

So either one of two things you make a decision about, either the sex/fun moments of the relationship are awesome and you put up with the bad as a fun casual relationship (obviously this isn't someone you want to be long term or god forbid married with) OR you end this right now if you don't like the drama. It's pretty much too late now to change anything.

Unless guys secretly like a little drama, I don't understand why so many get into a situation like this in the first place. Girls that give you drama like this you should not get into a relationship with. Either keep them as FWBs/casual relationship where you only see them occasionally (casual relationship where she sees you 1x/wk or less she is never going to give you drama) OR don't tolerate it.

And by "don't tolerate it" I don't mean tell her what to do. That's never going to work, is bossy, and is just adding to the drama. At it's core, drama is a cry for attention, or a response to your tone depending on which came first. If she comes out you with fire and brimstone or any form of drama (passive aggressive, yelling, silent treatment, withholding sex, etc.) that is a cry for attention and nothing more. If what she cared about was just the issue at hand she would calmy discuss it with you. The yelling or any other form of drama is for attention, either just wanting attention in general OR TO MAKE DAMN SURE YOU'RE LISTENING TO WHATEVER SHE SAYS. Either way, yelling at someone or drama is not, in my mind, an acceptable way to treat another human being....EVEN if they royally fucked up. You can still express gravity and intensity in a calm, collected way.

Drama is a cry for attention, giving her that attention, whether it's yelling back, arguing, hitting her (I hope not), etc. are all forms of attention. That's what she wants out of her drama. Every time you engage in those behaviors you reinforce the idea of: I give this dude drama -> I get attention. She is now more likely to repeat it. That's probably not what you want. Let's face it, how many couples have we seen or known where the classic pattern is that the girl comes at the guy with "drama" and the guy responds with anger and "telling her what to do"? The female drama response sucks, its not a nice way to treat someone, and so does the guy response.

What is the correct answer? Take away the attention. Stay calm and tranquil, and tell her politely, yet firmly, that you will not tolerate being treated in an unkind manner. Say nothing else, and calmy walk out, get in your car and leave. Do not say ANYTHING. Attention is the name of the game, and any attention reinforces the drama. Just leave. Don't communicate with her for at least 24 hours, but depending on the severity of what she did this could be much longer (could be a week or more if she were to explode at me on say....a trip where we were almost stuck together). No texts, no calls, nothing. Then resume contact as normal.

Yes, this will feel wierd to you. Yes this will scare you. No, you will not lose here if she has any interest in you at all. Women aren't stupid, she will know exactly what you did and why. She will not like how it feels, and you'll have avoided the situation, remained calm, kept both of your emotional health in a good spot, and set a clear tone that you aren't okay with her being disrespectful to you, and that you're not going to be disrespectful back to her.

Now....some girls are just drama queens and will hit you with drama no matter what, even after 2-3x of doing this. If that is the case....either treat them as girls you just have fun with, or accept that you like drama and are in for some drama times!

dbsquirtNXC21 wrote:

pics?

Thank you for this. 40 or so posts in before we got to this though? Letsrun is slipping.

Rational perspective. wrote:

She was right. You were purposely blaming her, and telling her that how you felt was her fault.

STOP doing that.

I agree. The OP is being the drama queen, not the GF

She should dump him immediately. This relationship is not going to last very long.

Clueless OP. wrote:

Rational perspective. wrote:

She was right. You were purposely blaming her, and telling her that how you felt was her fault.

STOP doing that.

I agree. The OP is being the drama queen, not the GF

She should dump him immediately. This relationship is not going to last very long.

The OP is perhaps being a drama queen himself, yes. But he is also putting up with a ridiculous amount of drama. Period.

LM wrote:

Clueless OP. wrote:

I agree. The OP is being the drama queen, not the GF

She should dump him immediately. This relationship is not going to last very long.

The OP is perhaps being a drama queen himself, yes. But he is also putting up with a ridiculous amount of drama. Period.

I agree, GF sounds very insecure to the point that is is really interfering with both of their happiness.

However, OP also seems to feel the need to discuss and "fix" things with the gf and that isnt helping or accomplishing anything positive.

OP: your relationship isnt going to work, I suggest you end it now. In your future relationships, learn when to just shrug your shoulders and move on from something, not everything needs to be worked out, it is ok if you sometimes have habits or mannerisms the other person doesnt love. Think big picture.

Your gf actually doesn't sound like a bad person, I hope she gains some confidence in herself during her time single after you two break up.

TL;DR

End it now.