Age 30+, happy, and never had a long term relationship in my life. What, if anything, did I miss out on?

I hope you were being ironic, because.....most of what you described sounds incredibly boring, or (the less boring stuff) can still be done while simultaneously having a family. People who think watching "every good movie or TV series" is an awesome way to spend their life are sad and misguided, in my opinion. Mastered every board game?? Yaawn. Video games? Are you in junior high? Discovering "new drinks" ? oohhh, let me guess, Appletini?

C'mon man. Life is about relationships, family, and experiences, not binge watching the best sci fi series on NetFlix while drinking a new mixed drink you discovered on the internet and then capping it off with a few hours of fortnite. At least for adults.

(and yes, you can "discover new food" with a family. You don't have to be single to do that. You could even eat some whale meat in iceland. Lol. Or die while driving your "beemer" 150 mph in Germany. )

Keep doing what you are doing.

It sounds like it works for you.

And that is all what matters.

not jamin wrote:

I'm living like a king and have all the free time I want since I have nobody else to support. I don't need to make compromises regarding my hobbies (both running and non-running), vacations, or purchase decisions. I can decorate my house however I want, eat whatever and wherever I want, listen or watch whatever I want at the volume that I want, and sleep as much as I want on the weekends. I am on track to retire before 60 despite paying little attention to the costs of things I buy, with the exception of major purchase items such as houses and cars.

I'm happy with my life

Damn this makes me jealous.

Ever seen the movie About a Boy?

Follow your heart, etc wrote:

You're doing OK. I spent my youth establishing my own business.

Met future wife at 35, bought house at 40, first kid at 44.

Really glad I didn't get married earlier, as I was living my dream.

Now I'm still happy enough, still have the business, and love my wife and kids.

Keep listening to your own council.

I got to agree with this, so many females I was into in my teens and early 20s didn't age well when I banged into them in their (mid) 30s. There is always another female out there you will be reasonably compatible with if you are under the age of 40. Just don't look for the perfect women and keep your mind open about their age, looks, race, religion and political views.

Zen runner wrote:

Keep doing what you are doing.

It sounds like it works for you.

And that is all what matters.

Bingo. OP, I'm like you, single, 30s, and well-traveled, and enjoy being able to do whatever I please. Not saying that special lady won't come along, but I'm not actively seeking her out. There is a certain freedom to being independent. Both in ability to do things and also peace of mind. When you don't have to worry about feeding any mouths but your own, your perspective on life is different.

Stay true.

runn wrote:

After 25 years things changed- her family, long story, I felt alone and betrayed.

.

Tell us. We've got time.

Follow your heart, etc wrote:

You're doing OK. I spent my youth establishing my own business.

Met future wife at 35, bought house at 40, first kid at 44.

Really glad I didn't get married earlier, as I was living my dream.

Now I'm still happy enough, still have the business, and love my wife and kids.

Keep listening to your own council.

Sounds like me. What's your business.

Genuine curiosity, eh? So none of these posts have another motive? Telling a bunch of strangers on the internet all the cool things you’re doing while asking, “what am I missing” is just curiosity? Nothing else? Cool story bro.

So if some supermodel offered to move in you'd as how her the door.

Just admit you can't get a girlfriend sounds like you've not had anything since college.

Do you have relationships with other people?

Do you just live for yourself?

How you spend your time is how you live your life. If you live to be 85 and look back at how you spent your time, will you be happy? Personally, I am a Christian and believe there is more to life than these things we toil with. Do you think there is more to life, eternity?

I met a girl in a bar one night, she was sort of cute, but a little overweight. She had great hair, a great face, and a nice personality. We went out a few times, eventually one thing led to another and we did the deed -- she was a demon in the sack. We dated on and off for a few more months, usually more of a "friends with benefits" thing. I enjoyed her company, but she didn't seem like a good fit long term -- she wasn't super focused on staying fit, and liked to sneak cigarettes, particularly when we were out drinking. Unfortunately, one particular night led to a pregnancy, and then, my first child.

I did the right thing. We got married.

The first child led to a second, and they are good kids.

She never really lost the pregnancy weight, and soon after, was smoking a pack a day. She worked here and there, part time jobs mostly, didn't make enough to justify paying for child care. She had hurt her back at one point, and became somewhat addicted to pain pills.

This lasted 7-8 years, and then it all came crashing down. I don't think she ever strayed, but near the end she was deep into pills and other drugs. Fights ensued regularly. She left me, and took the kids to her parents. Eventually, her parents kicked her out.

I found out she was living in a motel, and possibly turning tricks on the side. I got custody of the kids. She's out there, somewhere. Completely out of our lives now.

Always wear a rubber.

But I don't see what this has to do with deciding to be single or not. In fact this sounds like a story with a conspicuous lack of information...particularly the part about how you "did the right thing" by marrying this chick out of guilt because of your own f*ck-up.

Men often villainize women who "trap" them in marriages with kids, but women are subject to the same social programming as men, who think the "right thing" is marrying a person you don't love. "For the kids!" Worked out great in this case...

No, people just fu*ck up and then blame other people. OP, whatever it is you're doing, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, and not because society or anyone else tells you you "should." That includes not getting married just because of other people's shItty, co-dependent relationships where they "have no freedom."

Why? Are you afraid of them?

And it must be boring to be on your own all the time.

If you can't do what you want in a relationship, you obviously are dating the wrong person.

not jamin wrote:

I'm happy with my life but am also curious to know what I missed out on. Could anyone give me some honest responses?

What you've missed out on includes:

- Knowing what it means to be truly loved by a partner, something that can never be understood or mimicked without actually experiencing it.

- Learning, through being in a loving relationship, that your sh*t actually does stink and being motivated to become a better person/lover/father/partner/son/etc.

- Knowing what it means to love someone else more than you love yourself.

- Having children, an experience that cannot be summed up by words. It has to be experienced to truly understand and appreciate.

- Having proper responsibilities (not just bills and taxes) that involve the well being of other people. It allows you to see outside of yourself in a way that being by yourself never will.

- Working through rough times with a partner/child that make all involved closer and more appreciative of having one another in their lives.

- Being truly human. (See Sapiens bu Yuval Noah Harari).

The only thing you missed out on is getting cheated on by your spouse. You are better off. Congrats.

Coffee Monster wrote:

Do you have relationships with other people?

Do you just live for yourself?

How you spend your time is how you live your life. If you live to be 85 and look back at how you spent your time, will you be happy? Personally, I am a Christian and believe there is more to life than these things we toil with. Do you think there is more to life, eternity?

I have a few guy friends whom I sometimes spend time with. I've never volunteered (though this will likely change once I retire), but I do donate money and clothes to charities on occasion.

If I lived until age 85+, the only thing that might make me unhappy (barring any serious health issues) would be FOMO and the associated "what ifs". What if I followed the path of marriage and kids that most people take? Of course, the reverse situation ("What if I remained single?") would apply if I did get married, so I might end up questioning things either way.

I believe in a higher power that created the universe, but I'm not particularly religious.

Thing is, in every area but the financial -- and even then you can get out of things like alimony and child-support fairly easily, as has been shown by many fathers, including my own -- there isn't really anything all that "permanent" about marriage and children. Say you get married and have kids. What will change your life permanently isn't the wife and kids -- it's your FEELINGS about them. If you make a huge mistake and marry someone you end up hating, and don't love your kids, or resent them, you'll still "pay" for them because of your intrinsic guilt, or your fear of giving up the comforts of your non-criminal life, not because anyone is really making you do it.

So, if you're really a selfish asshat, and you are really that independent, and you have balls, you can get married, have kids, then abandon them and move overseas and have a great life if you want to. This has been done countless times, and is still practiced today by many fathers (and mothers). Not that I'm suggesting it. Just saying -- you can take ownership over your life either way. It's a question of priorities.

team Unruly Bush wrote:

Fellow introvert wrote:

enjoy a sauna or a warm bubble bath. Those never get old.

Proof that the single life sucks

30 minutes in a hot tub now feels about 200 times better than it did when I was single.

I'm digging all the posts about "go explore Iceland, kayak across the Atlantic solo, sky dive, drive 200mph on the Autobahn etc". You know, it's still legal to do those things when you are married, or have kids, or both. This notion that you can never do anything fun again is nonsense. It just means (to me), the time between the adventures is more fulfilling. Or, I can go float around a lake at night with my wife, or kids, which is way cooler.

Whatever. You won't know until you try it.. so it's easy to say that there are still 2,000 places left to explore and therefore one should never have kids because you can't explore them once you have a family. Asia and Africa will always be there. I can go to the moon on Richard Branson's new spaceship in few years while my kids are at summer camp. No problem.

not jamin wrote:

If I lived until age 85+, the only thing that might make me unhappy (barring any serious health issues) would be FOMO and the associated "what ifs". What if I followed the path of marriage and kids that most people take? Of course, the reverse situation ("What if I remained single?") would apply if I did get married, so I might end up questioning things either way.

I believe in a higher power that created the universe, but I'm not particularly religious.

The good thing is, having kids is only legally your responsibility for 18years of your life and you have 67 more years before/after that to do other things. 67 years is a very long time.

I waited a long time to start a family because I was unsure, or just immature really. But now I have friends who are in their mid to late 40s, kids are off in college and they are free to do whatever the F they want. And they have sons and daughters to run with on the weekends, spend holidays with etc. Pretty cool if you ask me.

It's a tough call because I wouldn't advise getting married before 30, maybe even mid 30s.. but you'll be older when the kids leave the house. 50s is still cool though, you can still break 3hrs for the marathon at that age.