Age 30+, happy, and never had a long term relationship in my life. What, if anything, did I miss out on?

I bet you are an engineer wrote:

Kids.

Love my wife, but I think marriage can be understood by folks that have not done it.

Being a parent has to be experienced, I don't think there is any way to simulate it. I never would have imagined how challenging and rewarding kids would be. It makes you a higher capacity person and will force you to confront every personal weakness you thought you were grown up enough to avoid.

Pretty much. I thought I knew it all until I had kids. I didn't get married and have kids until later, and previous to that I very much had the "I can do whatever I want, whenever I want" mentality.

And I'll tell you--to each his/her own. If you want to do whatever you want, whenever you want and stay single.. that's cool. But there's nothing worse than someone in that situation, telling me (for example) that you have it better because you can go to Cancun every weekend, or buy new shoes or a car whenever you want. Not saying the OP is doing this, but I see it plenty.. it's so, just... naïve. And honestly, after marriage and kids, vacations and spending sprees do not even seem that fulfilling.

After a long weekend of kid stuff, marriage work, household stuff.. I'm exhausted. Like, dipped into a well I never knew I had. But, I don't envy those who can just stop what they're doing and go on vacation to recharge, or binge on Netflix etc. A few hours away or a late night or two at work by myself are all I need, then I prefer the family life. It's far more rewarding.

So I don't know what the answer is. There used to be days where I wished I were single again and could run twice a day, then relax on the couch after and have some silence (I'm very introverted), but I think that would get old really quick. I don't think one can come to that conclusion until they try a long term relationship. The sex in long term relationships is definitely better. One night stands and shorter flings are fun and all.. but after several years, it gets so much better, even if it's less frequent, ironically.

Precious Roy wrote:

But what you will find out is that things get old much faster in life than you would expect.

No friggin way, dude. There's no shortage of new places to see, new things to do, and new things to learn. Have you ever explored the backcountry in Iceland and tried some whale meat over there? Rented an Audi or Beemer in Germany and got it to over 150 mph on the Autobahn? What about learning how to scuba dive, hang glide, or drive your own dogsled team?

500 years wouldn't be enough to do everything fun and exciting, and that is without taking new technologies and inventions into consideration. Who knows, we might even have hotels on Mars by 2100.

You should watch To The Wonder and Knight of Cups by Terrance Malick

Endless possibilities wrote:

Precious Roy wrote:

But what you will find out is that things get old much faster in life than you would expect.

No friggin way, dude. There's no shortage of new places to see, new things to do, and new things to learn. Have you ever explored the backcountry in Iceland and tried some whale meat over there? Rented an Audi or Beemer in Germany and got it to over 150 mph on the Autobahn? What about learning how to scuba dive, hang glide, or drive your own dogsled team?

500 years wouldn't be enough to do everything fun and exciting, and that is without taking new technologies and inventions into consideration. Who knows, we might even have hotels on Mars by 2100.

There are too many fun things to do even if you're not a sports or an outdoorsy type. Have you read/watched every good book, movie, and TV series in just one domain (sci fi, for example?) Mastered every board, video, and card game you're interested in? Became good at playing different instruments and in speaking fluently in multiple languages? Have you tried discovering new music, drinks, or food lately?

UA Runner wrote:

I bet you are an engineer wrote:

Kids.

Love my wife, but I think marriage can be understood by folks that have not done it.

Being a parent has to be experienced, I don't think there is any way to simulate it. I never would have imagined how challenging and rewarding kids would be. It makes you a higher capacity person and will force you to confront every personal weakness you thought you were grown up enough to avoid.

There used to be days where I wished I were single again and could run twice a day, then relax on the couch after and have some silence (I'm very introverted), but I think that would get old really quick.

Ummm, no. Silence and quiet don't get old, and this is coming from a person who's somewhat of an adrenaline junkie.

Go rent a boat and take it to the middle of a big lake at night when the skies are clear. Turn off all light sources and marvel at the night sky. Bonus points if you do it during a meteor shower or a lunar eclipse. If you have enough gas and are feeling adventurous, sleep there overnight, don't drop anchor, and guess where you'll wake up the next morning.

Or you can go to a meditation retreat, try backpacking solo, or simply enjoy a sauna or a warm bubble bath. Those never get old.

Fellow introvert wrote:

enjoy a sauna or a warm bubble bath. Those never get old.

Proof that the single life sucks

Sad but true wrote:

Aren't you the moran that is on here week after week complaining how lonely, slow, old, tired, and depressed you are? You tell us you are hanging up the spikes every other week because you can't break 15.

This is a troll post, but has anyone considered the possibility that the OP is a woman? They do exist, even on letsrun.

Like with most things in life, there is no right answer, and it is only a matter what is right for you.

I enjoy my wife's company and like and respect her as a person. I enjoy the idea that I will hopefully get to grow old with her. The shared experiences in our lives have created a bond that I didn't previously fully appreciate existed. We have influenced each other in very positive ways over time. We have supported each other when life threw us curveballs.

That's all without even getting to the fact that we have kids. My kids absolutely wear me out (more mentally and emotionally than physically), but they wear me out in the way a marathon wears me out. You are exhausted and maybe a little bit broken, but you appreciate even the fatiguing aspect of the experience with some relish. And the fact that they wear me out is a small price to pay for how good it feels to simply love them and be loved by them, for how they look to me, for how it will feel for them to grow and mature to the point where they no longer need me and rebel against me. Watching them develop and interact with their world has been incredibly rewarding.

Before marriage, there was the excitement of the chase, of the new, of the uncertainty. I loved falling head over heels for someone, even if it didn't always turn into a relationship. If my wife left me tomorrow, I don't think I would get married again since I don't intend to have more kids; I would simply engage in serial monogamy in bouts of 3 to 6 months at a time.

I have friends who don't have kids and they seem to be happy and fulfilled and I am often jealous of the freedoms that they have. I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade lives with them, but that doesn't prevent me from recognizing that there are things that they have that I wish that I could at least have from time to time. The ability to travel, the financial flexibility, etc.

But at the end of the day, we are social beings, and while kids may not be right for everyone, being in a relationship from time to time does seem to be fairly important to the happiness of the vast, vast majority of people with whom I have interacted.

I'm like you but 20 years older. I enjoy being single and on my own. I have made such tremendous discoveries about myself and the world by doing so. I came up with the social evolution theory. I discovered an amazing place that is just for me. I run when I want and do not have to compromise with anyone!

I had girlfriends in college. What I discovered is that people are all very different and to make a long-term relationship work it's got be with someone compatible, not just any woman; even a "hot" one. Even so I have had the chance in the years since but turned it down. It would be nice to relax on the sofa (among other things) with a woman after a long day but the time costs of doing so are not economical to me. I like pure freedom! But I am keeping all possibilities open in the future. If the right woman comes along I may go for it.

So no, you didn't miss out. At least this is my experience. You're still very young. Keep healthy, keep running (start if you are not) and maybe in the future you'll meet your special friend.

Well, for starters you missed out on having a domestic slave. I just kick back and let my wife shop, cook, clean and care for our children while she also holds down a full time job. I love to belittle her by cracking derogatory jokes about women on threads like this. It fills me with immense joy!

take shrooms or acid... seriously. that will sort it all out for you immediately.

Jock itcher wrote:

I love to belittle her by cracking derogatory jokes about women on threads like this. It fills me with immense joy!

Me too!!

Your wife is a cow

#1 thing and to echo other posts: kids. There's just no substitute for watching what you helped create go through life and also have a say in what direction(s) they navigate. Mind blowing at times and more fulfilling than my own personal accomplishments in many ways. With this comes shared experiences via personal relationships, both in and outside of immediate family. Does not have to be from a traditional setting, but I've learned a lot about myself from marriage and kids and have had someone to help shoulder the load every step of the way. Total stereotype, but I've found that those that pass on family and kids also tend to be narcissistic and shallow. Not always, but often enough to notice. To each his own of course. Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes.

FWIW: I didn't get hitched and start a family until 32. IMO, most men should not get married until age 30+ as a general rule.

Narcissistic and shallow? People who live their own life are typically very independent thinkers. This is very good for the world and generations to follow. It's the people who marry because "everyone else" does that make the world less of the place it should be. But like you say, to each his own.

You missed out on economies of scale and societal approval. Having two people helps a lot when sharing mortgage, rent, and/or utility costs. Also, you only have to do half of the chores.

Societal approval means you don't have to justify your single status to friends and family, and that people won't think that there's something wrong with you.

fkufu wrote:

Narcissistic and shallow? People who live their own life are typically very independent thinkers. This is very good for the world and generations to follow. It's the people who marry because "everyone else" does that make the world less of the place it should be. But like you say, to each his own.

Lighten up Frances. It's just a general observation and stereotype, not an immutable rule. Live their own life? Isn't that what all of us are doing in one way or another? You should define rather than summarily conclude.

I do agree that marrying "just because" is foolish and fraught with peril. Societal constraints like marriage (and don't get me started on religion) are the downfall of many, especially those that marry too young. See my earlier rule re: males marrying before 30; usually not a good idea. Just one person's opinion though.

But what about the VW Golf?

You're doing OK. I spent my youth establishing my own business.

Met future wife at 35, bought house at 40, first kid at 44.

Really glad I didn't get married earlier, as I was living my dream.

Now I'm still happy enough, still have the business, and love my wife and kids.

Keep listening to your own council.

It's a GTI and since my kids come from puny distance runner stock, they all fit in the back. Also, it's got plaid seats and a stick shift, so it's totally bitchin'.