Age 30+, happy, and never had a long term relationship in my life. What, if anything, did I miss out on?

You have missed out on being as miserable as everyone else.

Hi Jamin. How're you doing tonight?

I've only had one real girlfriend. And that was when I was 14-15 years old. Now in my early 20s I'm worried. Don't know what to do ?.

Love. It’s the secret ingredient to sex.

When can we expect to see your dog children? Or perchance, cat children?

?

Anyways I’m not planning on getting married or having children. My short-distance genes are really really bad. I’m suited to be a long-distance runner with peak racing weight at 105 pounds. Awww yeah.

Question:

What did you miss out on?????????

Answer:

oH.Well.Glad.Well.Ho.com

It's not a big surprise.

Who knows. The rest of us are missing out on your unique experience, too. I guess I would just urge you not to rule out exploring some more intimacy. Maybe it's not for you, but it feels really really good physically and it feels to me like one of the best parts of the human experience.

Choose wisely and you don't have to support anyone or give up the things you love. Yes, compromise is part of any partnership, but you give some and you get some. If you're lucky you experience great things that you wouldn't have otherwise.

For what it's worth 30+ is still plenty young to do whatever you want. Lots of options.

alsonotjamin wrote:

Hi Jamin. How're you doing tonight?

Question:

1) How is JAM-in doing tonight???????????

2) Answer:

OH well.

It's not a BIG surprise.

My story:

I thought I'd never get married. I met someone and fell in love and my life changed- I was 24.

We had two kids and I truly loved every minute of it.

After 25 years things changed- her family, long story, I felt alone and betrayed.

We divorced after 32 years.

I enjoy single life but I DO miss the fun and "teamwork" of our happy years.

My kids are successful, kind, caring adults. It's good to know I had something to do with that.

You missed some good times (maybe?).

Nothing makes up happier than loving relationships. In fact, without them, it takes years off our lives, even if you are in good physical shape.

Well, a couple of observations. First, if I knew you well and I had observed all of the above without you having to tell me all of that I’d probably think, “you know not Jamin seems really content and happy with his life—good for him.”

Second, the fact is though I don’t know you and am not hearing about this over a few beers, out on a run, or at a social gathering. In contrast, I am reading it on a website, you are anonymous, and you felt compelled to post it for some reason. Why?

There could be many reasons why you posted it—the most likely is you’re trolling. If, by chance, you are not trolling then another possibility is that—for some reason—you are looking for validation for your life choices. Generally, when people need validation for something as major as significant life choices they are really not sure about their choices (despite what they say) or they could also be an insecure, needy person in general.

My main point is—the fact that you even felt the need to post (assuming you aren’t trolling) suggests you yourself are not comfortable with the choices you are making. Since I don’t know you I can’t really comment on what I think you’re missing out on. Clearly though, you feel like you may be missing out on something. Maybe you should see a therapist and figure out what may be missing in your life that maybe important to you subconsciously.

From my perspective your life sound boring and like it lacks meaning and purpose. However, everyone is different and wants different things in life so that’s just my biased opinion.

Most relationships are painfully formulaic - lots of people just go through the motions to keep up appearances, or to not be alone. I much prefer to be single than in a relationship just because.

That being said - every once in a while a girl comes along that I fall hard for, and being in love is the single best drug out there. There's nothing quite like it.

Life.

Happy? Aren't you the moran that is on here week after week complaining how lonely, slow, old, tired, and depressed you are? You tell us you are hanging up the spikes every other week because you can't break 15. You complain constantly about not getting dates. You long for a mail-order-bride from the Ukraine. Dude, you need to seriously reconsider if you should classify yourself as happy.

I'm 36, approaching 5-years with my partner. My favorite things are:

(1) Always having someone there who cares about how I'm feeling or how my day went, and can keep track of those details (parents are getting too old to understand, siblings and friends I don't talk to every day or even every week), and understands how all those details combine in my past, and supports how I'm trying to make those details combine into my future. (And vice versa -- being able to support my partner in the broad arc of his life.)

(2) Always having someone to go with me on vacations, trips, backpacking, picnics, nice restaurants -- all manner of activities large and small that I wouldn't normally do on my own. I see and experience so much more of the world than I would without him.

You have missed out on the rewards that come with giving yourself to others. The greatest happiness in life is making others happy. Squirreling yourself away from any sort of family commitment does mean that you get to do whatever you want. But what you will find out is that things get old much faster in life than you would expect. Buying stuff, hobbies and vacations are all very superficial aspects of life.

It's more like genuine curiosity than a need for validation. I feel like I'm in a place where almost everyone is an avid stamp collector, even though I have little interest in collecting stamps myself. How is stamp collecting like? What am I missing out on?

As far as boring goes, I've visited 15 countries, 26 states, and done some mighty cool things like climbing Kilimanjaro and skydiving out of a hot air balloon. But I enjoy quiet weekends as well.

Kids are surprisingly exciting. Other people's kids bored me, but having my own has been a blast. I admit I am jealous of all your freedom, but I certainly would not trade in the experiences I have had with my kids for it.

Not to be a downer, but life after 60 with no family relationships sounds awful. I suppose that void could be filled with volunteering in various capacities.

Good luck with your chosen path, it sounds intriguing.

Kids.

Love my wife, but I think marriage can be understood by folks that have not done it.

Being a parent has to be experienced, I don't think there is any way to simulate it. I never would have imagined how challenging and rewarding kids would be. It makes you a higher capacity person and will force you to confront every personal weakness you thought you were grown up enough to avoid.